The Daily News 1  The other day Jamie asked the people in Peace 61 if they read books in the john. I thought it an amusing question, and in fact, it quite stopped the room. 2  I didn't want to air that sort of information, yet I was surprised to learn that a goodly amount of our sharper kids would pass that unmentionable period of grace in a state of intellectual edification. 3  Personally, I always thought it would be perfectly appropriate to have a bookshelf and a magazine rack in the chamber. Now, someone in MY household reads in the bathroom, but they leave all their books face down and open anywhere they can fit them. 4  I was flabbergasted to see books like The MAD Bathroom Companion: The Mother Load lying in such a state. I don't know WHO leaves that sort of piffle lying around, but let me tell you, I always seem to have lots of explaining to do. I get blamed for everything. 5  I must confess that for years, as a lark, I used to leave books open, face down, on the top of the toilet in the bathrooms backstage. 6  I would divide them by gender as well. I especially loved leaving classics in the Boys' bathroom, so if you went in there, you'd see Plato's Republic, or The Oxford Book of English Verse. I'd go in later and see if anyone had moved it. In most cases, not only had it moved; the pages had been turned. 7  In the Girls' bathroom, I would leave things like The Sound and the Fury, The Betty Crocker Cookbook, and of course, Sense and Sensibility, and any book by Willa Cather. 8  It was fun, because I'd just start joking about during rehearsals, saying things like, "How many drama kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" and some Goth would look at me with one eyebrow raised and say, "Does it have to be a lightbulb?" 9  Good old Plato. For a time, I had the plays of Sophocles and Euripides in the Boys' and Girls', respectively. 10 We wound up with lots of guys who missed their mothers and girls who could freeze beer with a gaze. 11  Aye, me. 12  This is a lark. 13  I had thought of bringing in other books of the arts. I was especially tempted to put in Auguste Rodin's The Thinker in the Boys', and for whatever reason, Picasso's Guernica in the Girls'. 14  And for the record, I have NO idea WHOSE Mad Bathroom Reader that was. I must confess, I DID take a peek, but never anything serious. I just read it for the articles. 15  ...and with that, he vanished in the air, just like the flame of a candle when it goes out. 16  Short and sweet. 17  See you again. 18  <poof>   ~H~

 

     for more idiocy, ponderings, musings and ramblings
        go to:

             www.xanga.com/el_directore

            direct from Mars.

               eat some chocolate.

           peace.

 

 

The Daily News

1  I'm up again at some ungodly hour watching Craig Ferguson, and what a Godsend. Is anybody else tuned into this guy? His show is one of the best on television, it's just on when even the owls are sleeping, or at least, when they don't give a hoot.

2  So he's just a wonderful kick in the seat of the pants each night that I go through my bouts of insomnia, for which I'm famous, at least in my own frabjous mind.

3  The irony of this week is that the students can't GET the DN because I keep not having paper! How ridiculous is THAT? But are you ever out of something like paper, or salt, or something that you ALWAYS have around, and you just don't give it a second thought until you NEED it?

4  Nah, i guess not.

5  I must be the ONLY guy that happens to.

6  What an imbecile.

7  One thing that always comforts me every time I do something WAY stupid, or when I feel ANYTHING inside, for that matter, is the confidence that EVERYONE does stuff that makes them feel like an idiot.

8  It's comforting to know that we are a world filled with idiots, all trying to cover it up with our goofy outward faces.

9  So for all you idiots out there, and I KNOW you're out there: fear not. You have glorious company.

10  Nothing like insomnia for bringing out the poetry in a guy.

11  Once again, Finals remain my REAL winter break. The students spend days on end being serious, studying, taking  classes seriously, and kissing teachers' asses.

12  Teachers LOVE watching kids squirm this time of the year. We get to get even, and to turn into uptight, insecure slobs. "SOOOOOOO, you want EXTRA credit, huh? Well listen, HOMES, you know that nice long vacation you've been taking from your brain? Coffee break's over, dimbulb! EXTRA credit you say? Pardone moi while I LAUGH hideously and make you feel like the squirmy little rodent I've grown to love!"

13  HA!!!

14  Revenge, they say, is sweet.

15  Hmmm. Did I say "turn into"?

16  So just SUFFER, you untractable vermin!!! Get LOW, kneel before me, and kiss my pinky ring. Say ten times, "I am humbled, O great sage!!! I shall feel guilt for being a kid and acting stupid, and I shall now see that you are the wisest, most intelligent AND important sage in my shallow little world, and I should pray thanks to JAY-zuss for allowing me the wonder of your miraculous presence in my life!"

17  With a hey-nah-nonny and a ha-cha-cha!

18  So...your grade in my class walks into a bar...

19  Did I ask earlier this week if there was a back door outta this place?

20  Because really, I just need some serious sleep. Ferguson's over.

21  I don't give a hoot.

22  Enjoy the rain.

23  Peace.

 

~H~

 

 

 

The Daily News

1  So...Jack Snow walks into a bar...

2  I was checking out the weather report yesterday, and what I like to do is to line up the various days and then look at the cartoon pictures of the sky. It had umbrella, umbrella, sun/cloud, cloud, umbrella, meaning, in order, yesterday, today, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Now that's the Merc News' analysis.

3  I've come to notice that the weather predictions have seemed pretty lousy lately. They keep saying it's going to rain, or be cold, and so I wear a coat, and a sweater, and the sun keeps shining at like around 75 to 80 degrees. Yesterday seemed like summer.

4 Here's this week's forecast from my drama website. The first raincloud is today.

     

5  It's sort of like a slot machine.Today rain, tomorrow rain, Friday partly cloudy, Saturday rain, Sunday rain.

6  If there was a raincloud on Friday, we would have had a jackpot. The drama pictures have removed the umbrellas that are in the Merc News.

7  Either way, I can see misplacing an umbrella on four out of the next five days. Because I expect rain.

8  I feel sorry for umbrellas sometimes.

9  Umbrellas you misplace, because they simply aren't part of the daily routine...

10  Or so it's been said.

11  It's supposed to rain today, which is absolutely wonderful, because some days are built for rain.

12  Sometimes I just like the rain; I like a day of finals, when it's quieter in the classes, and the rain just plips and plops at the windows, that sort of day just seems to work for me.

13  Reflections and all.

14  Puddles.

15  And the sweet silence, almost sad, but reflective and nice.

16  That's why I sometimes enjoy the rain.

17  It's peaceful, and nice.

18  Write a poem for a friend today.

19   Peace.           
                        

~H~

 

 

The Daily News

1  Do you ever take inventory on your own laziness? I don't want to call it laziness this year so much as just a sort of malaise that seems everywhere.

2  It may have begun last year when we were doing so many different activities. I designed the Toondra for serendipity, that is, the chance occurence that it might go somewhere really cool.

3  Like the beach, or maybe a great picnic spot. I wound up keeping fresh sweaters, folding chairs, flashlights, water guns, sleeping bags, flashlights,  umbrellas, swimming goggles, and old brown shoes all in a constant state of readiness.

4  It worked, because last Spring we had a lot of cold, rainy days. If I somehow WOULD roll down to the beach, it was easy just to take a couple of folding chairs out of the back and have an instant seat for me and any number of passengers. All you need is sand.

5  Well, I also started finding that boxes were GREAT for just throwing things in, like paper plates, cups, forks, lighter fuel, wood, and unreturned students' papers, perfect for the occasional campfire. So I began putting lots of things in boxes, with no rhyme nor reason to content.

6  Still, it made it almost TOO easy, and quite useful. The drawback came when I actually had to get to the beach a few weeks ago. There was no room for people. So I moved half that stuff into the Theatre, and shipped the other half to Texas.

7  Well, the haunted house hit, and then the Show, and then it got cold, and THEN we had a couple of small parties in the Theatre, and now, I suddenly have fresh sweaters, folding chairs, flashlights, water guns, hay, etc. backstage, along with dead, dry roses and Taco Bell bags, and several dried-out vases that have turned sort of an amber-dirt color. 

8  My classroom also has boxes and random stacks of things all over, but it fits in with the ambiance of beauty that has always been Peace 61. It all seems sort of consistent with my plywood curtains.

9  I HAVE been  working on so many things that we never really took the time to clean and organize, but and now I have bits and pieces of ALL that stuff in every area of the Theatre and in my classroom.

10  And then, when I get home, I go to my back yard, and see that IT hasn't been touched since a storm blew it all apart. The gazebo from the Importance of Being Earnest, so beautiful this summer, has collapsed and crushed a summer umbrella, and there are leaves and puddles sitting out among the weeds, another science project gone to seed.

11  I'm REALLY beginning to think it's time to roll up the old sleeves and get things organized.

12  I have this perfect book called Organizing for Idiots.

13  Somewhere.

14                  It's serious business, silliness.
                                                      --Nathan Lane

15  It happens every Spring.

16  Until then, I think I'm gonna kick it on the couch and count my blessings.

17  See ya again.

18  Happy Birthday, TA.

19  Peace.

 

~H~

 

The Daily News 1  So...Lou Rawls walks into a bar... 2  It's actually Sunday night as I pen these words, which means I'm going through the Sunday Syndrome once more. It happens every Sunday night, but last week was especially aggravating, because last week was the end of the Christmas Break. I was as crochety as Moses. 3  And this week, all the kids went back to their various Colleges and Universities to study. It's probably relaxing for them finally just to sit and get away from everyone, and return to a more relaxed life that gets into a more comfortable pattern. No pressures and all. It probably feels good to be back. 4  So to all those guys, it was nice seeing y'all. We all really missed you, so on behalf of home, thank you all for sharing your time with us. I'm sure a lot of you got pulled hither and yon, and it probably got a bit annoying, so enjoy being back, and getting into a regular rhythm. You deserve the peace. Yeesh. 5  I almost got poisoned the other night. I was watching some movie, and decided to make some popcorn, you know the old-school way, with a popper and all, and even decided to dress the popcorn up with some grated cheese, a few sprigs of parsley, and maybe those pastel booties that stepford women used to put on turkeys. 6  Well, I took a bite, and I thought I bit into a moldy rat. Now, I'm not trying to ruin your bear's claw, or Starbuck's, or whatever you might be slurping down when you read the DN, IF you read the DN. But yeah, I can think of no better description. A moldy rat. I bit into that. Or something that tasted like that. Argh. 7  Anyway, my tongue turned black and fell off, and I busted out in toad warts, grabbed the plastic container, and opened it. A HUGE, moldy grated-cheese FIST came right up through the green lid, and punched me right in the nose. Yep, we found our culprit. I checked the bottom for a dead mouse, but there was none. 8  I had stored the stuff on a shelf, because I didn't think grated cheese went bad. And I don't really know why. I guess I thought it wasn't cheese, but that it was that mysterious thing called a cheese food. Velveeta is a cheese food, for example. I thank the immortal Helene, my better half, for reminding me that cheese food is actually some sort of food. 9  Anyway, I didn't get poisoned or anything. I am actually as healthy as the proverbial horse. Stalwart. But I DID throw the stuff away. 10  And THEN, I almost got run over by a Customer-in-Training at our neighborhood Save Mart, which still says Save Ma on it, because a coupla lights are out. 11  Some brilliant CEO or something decided to launch this campaign of making mini-shopping carts so that little human beings with HUGE Hello, Kitty heads could run recklessly through the grocery store, terrorizing old ladies, knocking stuff down, and likely moving large amounts of crack through the aisles. 12  One such darling with Rugrat glasses was all over the place, and he almost sideswiped me. He had been swirving all in and out, and here and there, weaving in and out of the aisles. When I finally caught up with him and looked over, you know, like you do, he was on his cell. I KNEW it. 13  There oughta be a law. 14  Moving On: There's this new tutoring place over my way, and their slogan is Grade Improve or Money Back. 15  Is it just me? 16  Someone oughta write a book. 17  Well, enjoy your Monday. 18   Just thought you'd enjoy all that. 19  Coffee break's over. Back on your heads. 19  Peace.   ~H~

The Daily News

1  It's funny; it's 11:30 p.m. as I write this, and I've been sitting, staring at the computer screen for what seems like a generation, and NOTHING wants to ride the lost roller coaster of my mind.

2  I'm just sort of sitting here, stunned.

3  I watched yet more awesome musicians tonight at this little wine place in Campbell. NO, I didn't drink any wine or anything. I just watched two amazing guitar players, and now I'm a tethered corpse, with my mouth hanging open.

4  Guitarists, incidentally, are famous for sitting around with their mouths hanging open. It's like when they are daydreaming and noodling on the guitar, they acquire slackjaw, and their heads bob like buoys on a gentle lake, and their legs keep time like a nervous chihuahua. They MAY think, but only in mixed metaphors. It's pretty hysterical to catch it happening.

5  It's sort of the same thing that happens late at night when you are on Myspace.com, and you catch yourself with your mouth sort of half open to a yawn that just decided to remain in a comatose state, like a Chuck E. Cheese critter after a sudden power surge. They turn, quite suddenly, slackjaw, their mouths hung open.

6  I think sometimes that all Myspacers suddenly stop at around 3:41 a.m. and just go slackjaw. All over the world. The guitarists with insomnia are sitting on couches with their mouths hanging open, and the Myspacers sit comatose at their computers, wondering WHO the Hell Tom is.

7  Myspace is about the weirdest phenomenon to come down the pike in quite some time, incidentally. I was thinking of getting about two million friends, just so everyone would think I was the most popular guy on the planet.

8  We have become SO digital!

9  Okay, so nobody is supposed to know this, but I finally broke down and got a cell phone. S-h-h-h-h!!! It's a SECRET. I was the final holdout. The final maverick who said I would die first. The guy who gets so annoyed by cell phones that he wants just to throw all of them down the loo.

10  Well, I finally got one.

11  I mastered it in about a billionth of a second.

12  And suddenly, I'm one of THEM. And I have this stuff DOWN!

13  At least I did until last night, when I popped my cell phone open, REALLY cool, like those skinny guys at Valley Fair who are all about posing, and got this thing that said, "1 Unread MMS". It stopped me dead.

14 I thought I got this unread mademoiselle. I don't want to tell you what I was thinking, but I knew it couldn't be THAT, so I just stared at it slackjawed...

15  1 Unread Mixed Message?

16  1 Unread Marilyn Manson?

17  1 Unread bag of M & M's? What's to read? An M. And an M.
So my mouth started to go into a comatose state, and I just stared at the screen of my cell. And do you want to know what happened next?

18  My mouth hung open.

19  My daughter found me that way yesterday. At first, she thought she had stumbled upon the decaying ruins of a Cro-magnon tomb.

20  When she realized it was just me staring at something strange on a cell phone, she took it out of my hands and put my Ovation guitar, Cheyenne II, in it's place.

21  After all, I'd have better luck writing a song in that condition than in writing up a good DN.

22  I guess I'm just outta luck.

23  I can't think of a damned thing.

24  Maybe next time.

25  Peace.

Here are some random jellyfish, for no reason.

I'm all about jellyfish, as any fool knows.

I took this at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, last
week, and just
thought it was pretty.

Peace.

~H~

 

The Daily News

1  Well! I actually played a coffee house last night, the Mission City Coffee Roasting Company in Santa Clara, this VERY hip little place across from the Sterling Hotel.

2  I never did that before, but my daughter called me up and told me if I came down, I'd be able to play. So I did! It was really fun!

3  I played Your Song, beautifully and soulfully. They had this awesome guitar player who played some hauntingly beautiful leads through the song, giving it a cathedral feel.

4  Those close to me should know that getting through that tune was a triumph beyond words. Getting through that tune was painfully amazing, and the audience felt it in their hearts. I just sang it sweetly. Sometimes, you just have good days.

5  Last night was just that.

6  Soul.

7  Some fun.

8  I've never done that before. I had an opportunity to meet about seven very talented guitar players, singers, etc. All had a very nice touch, and played some beautiful pieces.

9  Once in a while, it's sort of nice to get away from YB and see how the rest of the world lives.

10 There's a whole LOT of world out there.

11  Last night felt like the beginning of a new and exciting time for me personally. This WAY talented guitarist is even going to give me jazz/ blues improve lessons. Can't wait. I can then pass that gift on to others.

12  So sorry the DN is just about personal growth and all, but once in a while, you just have a departure night, and I just thought I'd share it with you.

13  I'd love to thank my daughter Nicole for getting me down there and then coaxing me to the stage. The audience loved it, and it was just a sweet night. I sang beautifully, because my daughter has the sweetest eyes you've ever seen. And I made it through the song, finished delicately and brought in a perfect landing. It all seemed just right. It was. I love my daughter with all my heart. That song, I swear...

14  What was REALLY great was that the guy playing and running it all came in and finished the evening with the John Mayer song  called Daughters, a perfect choice to bring home a perfect evening.

15  So we're going to work on some tunes for next week. Nicole wants her, me, and Caitlin, my other daughter, to sing All Good Gifts from Godspell, among other tunes. Caitlin is just beautiful too, if I may say. I love her with all my heart.

16  All Good Gifts.

17  Wow.

18  All Good Gifts.

19  I think it's quite workable. That song has just flowed through our Theatre since I got there.

20  And then maybe we could all join the guy for an encore of Daughters.

21  I can think of no better gift.

22  Last night meant something.

23  That's all.

24  Last night meant something.

25  Sometimes, there are miracles.

26  Peace.

 

~H~

 

 

 

The Daily News

1  So...Candy Barr walks INTO a bar...

2  Okay, so she was a Dallas stripper, famous for her love affair with mobster Mickey Cohen, and of her association with Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby, who was a key player in the murder of President John F. Kennedy.

3  That's more explanation than I've EVER given to anyone who walked into a bar, but I guess I just enjoyed the pun on her name.

4  Plus the fact that she was a hot exotic stripper. Those sorts just don't walk into bars every day.

5  You don't get many opportunities to throw raw iconic exotic dancers right at the top of the DN, so I just thought I'd strike while the iron is hot.

6  Slow news day anyway, so Candy is dandy.

7  Caught YOUR eye, you naughty boy. Or girl. Ooo-la-la!

8  Now that I've drawn you all in with good ol' Candy, we can move to other things.

9  Like, what does DVD stand for? Some student asked me that yesterday. He also asked me what VHS stood for. He went on to throw three-letter questions to me all period, but I eventually tired of the game. He kept going. "Is Elvis really dead? If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is around, does it still crush a '78 Volkswagen Beetle full of nature-loving hippies? What movie are we watching?"

10  My answers: Digital Video Disc, Video Home System, although it originally stood for Vertical Helical Scan, Elvis will always live, at least the non-pudgy, non-druggy, non-tacky-sequined-suit Elvis; not if it doesn't hit them, and Half-Baked.

11  I ALWAYS say Half-Baked when I get asked that. I could spend two months teaching Romeo and Juliet, for instance, introduce the film with grace and dignity, and just before I finally push play, some guy will ALWAYS ask, "What're we watching?"

12  I used to ALWAYS tell them, Romeo and Juliet. They would inevitably ask, "Could we watch Half-Baked?"

13  When I explain very carefully that Half-Baked has little to do with Shakespeare, or what we have been studying for two months, they still will ALWAYS say, "Well, could we watch it?"

14  <thud>

15  So NOW when they ask me what it is we are watching, I ALWAYS say, Half-Baked, to which a voice will ALWAYS say, "For reals?" and then I'll always hear a mumbled conversation that goes like this:

Dude 1: Dude, he's showing Half-Baked.

Dude 2: For reals?

16  And then I'll call the cops, because I'll know clearly who is holding.

17  Just another striking example of your tax dollars hard at work.

18  What always amazes me is that the guy who asks just figures that I have an entire Hollywood Video in my pants. You gotta wonder...

19  And for those of you alumni out there, the ENTIRE Theatre building now has working clocks!!!! The Band Room is no longer stuck at 9:27, which I think happened once, a long time ago, at, well, 9:27, and stayed there for around twenty years.

20  The Theatre has working clocks everywhere. In fact, the whole SCHOOL now has working clocks, all over the place. It's sort of freaky.

  Confusion that never stops, the closing walls and the ticking clocks...

22  Very strange. Strippers, Stoners, ticking clocks...

23  Is there a back door outta this place?

24  Peaceout.

 

~H~

 

 

 

The Daily News 1  Happy New Year. I'm already pissed. So back off. 2  Haha!!!  Boo! 3  GOD IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK, MAN!!!! 4  I just want to kick someone in the ass today. 5  You see, the thing about having time off is that you have to come back. And the night before you have to come back ANY time is always a pissy one. 6  I call it the Sunday Syndrome, or the SS. It doesn't matter WHAT the Hell you call it. You just walk around grousing at everyone, for no damned reason. 7  It's like, after a small time off, or a weekend, the night before that FIRST day back is just a pissy night, no matter HOW good of an attitude you have. 8  As for me, I just didn't get enough time with people, especially the kids who graduated last year. I REALLY wanted to spend more time with some of them, but I guess that just didn't happen. So THAT annoyed me. I looked forward to seeing those guys for three months, and then whoosh!!!! Suddenly, I'm thrown back to being a prison guard around here again. 9  So, yeah. 10  I feel like I got roughed up, and slapped around. Sucks. 11  It's now 2006, and I have to return without my fix of smiles and laughs. So if you hear of freshmen flying through windows later today, just chill. We have plenty more windows. 12  Just kidding. But ya GOTTA go into a New Year with total attitude. 13  GOD IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK, MAN!!!!! 14  Betcha missed the DN. 15  Come on, admit it. 16  So the irony about my last entry before I left is that I was all over how much Capitola means to me. Well, yesterday Zelda's, that outdoor restaurant on the beach, got slapped around by storms, and Capitola got soaked! The beach is no longer a beach, but a landing spot for soaked logs, green muck, and seaweed. The entire outside dining area is gone, at least for a while. The sea gulls are going to have to fly to Watsonville for Tartar sauce and polite conversation. "My mother? Says they're just rats, with wings...seh- gulls...you totally have to clean out your ears!!!!"                                                           ---She, Lovebirds, 2005 17  I was gonna go to Capitola yesterday too, but Highway 17 right around the summit was evidently all slud with mud and debris. Not a good time to be traveling the mountain, man, unless you're moss. 18 So I just moped around yesterday, sighing down the wind so sadly; listen and you'll hear me moan. 19  And YEAH I stole that line from the Rolling Stones. Sue me. 20  Well, I'm ready to take on the rest of the year. Only instead of being fulfilled and happy, I'm just ready to clobber the whole world right now: people who drive and talk on cell phones, those guys who look like fish lures and work at Tower, the nuclear-ly perky, and of course, that muscle-bound Fabio workout Geico guy who rides that bicycle thingy upside down. I just wanna knock him down and pummel him, like those blow-up clowns that you punch and then they rock back up to you so you could punch them again and again. Yeah. That'd be cool. 20  So yeah, we're back, but right before we left, all our stuff was working, as I recall. The ATFNL not only SANG beautifully at Christmas at YB they ALSO took a FIRST PLACE for tree decoration in the Club Group Category at Christmas in the Park downtown! We won $500 bucks!!! I THOUGH it was a thousand, but we'll take it!!! 21 The play brought undiscovered talent to the YB stage, and now we have SINGERS!!! 22  The Winter Concert rocked, despite the rudeness of the audience, and it would appear that we are all ready to rock this place hard. 23  THAT'S why I REALLY am full of moje today. I'm ready to start DOING things and making things rock!!! 24  I'm in the business of making memories. 25  It's a livin'. I kick ass at it. 26  So welcome back. I'm looking forward to lots of new memories this Spring, and to making every day the best day of the year. 27  It's what I do. 28  The Past is prologue. 29  So let's get it started, right here, right now. 30  Time waits for no one. 31  Peace.   ~H~