May 14, 2013
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The Daily News
1 Yesterday I had this dream that a bajillion multi-colored file folders merged together in some sort of gotham central and morphed into an enormous monster.
2 It had dinosaur movement and it could breathe fire.
3 I thought I was safe in my classroom, which has a cathedral window that overlooks the east hills. It is nowhere near any sort of central urban city setting. It overlooks suburbs, ranches, farms and churches. It is my sanctity.
4 Reasonably peaceful, and certainly free of any dinosauresque, multi-colored file-folder monsters.
5 I was sitting in my classroom looking at stacks and stacks of papers that needed to be put into folders.
6 I had worried so much about so many other things as the year comes to a close that I underestimated how many papers I had graded during the semester, and I had not given enough class time to handing them back to the students.
7 I just wanted to keep grades current and lessons flying. I was much more concerned about keeping my students engaged, and bringing everything I could to each day’s lessons.
8
9 I had forgotten that the state and the district have gone bubble-test mad, and that people who are out of the classroom have become data crazy and power mad.
10 So as I graded, planned, and brought everything I could to my classroom, the graded papers stacked up.
11 Anybody looking?
12 So there I was in my dream, or in my reality, or whatever in my classroom looking at all the papers that needed to be filed, when I looked at my room.
13 I had stacks of papers and stacks of multi-colored files all over the room.
14 I tried to get my students to hand back all the papers and files, and for the students to file all their work.
15 By the end of the day it was clearly evident that I had not allowed enough time nor organization to make that happen.
16 I was too preoccupied with juggling bubble tests, answer sheets, number two pencils and all the rest, to have even given a thought to getting the thousands of papers I graded into the hands of my students.
17 By my last class of the day, it became evident that I was going to be staring at stacks of folders and papers.
18 It was then that I had my dream.
19 I was wide awake and in front of my class when I daydreamed the folders all coming together in somewhere like Times Square, and morphing into this fire-breathing monster, with fiery veins pulsating in intense madness.
20 The thing would swing through New York, or some comic form of New York. It would be angry and evil, because in the movies those sorts of creatures always are.
21 It usually isn’t their faults, at least in the older films.
22 They are hated just because they are monstrous looking.
23 This creature, however, was created from pure evil.
24 I kept looking at my students trying to hand the papers back and getting them into the folders, but it was simply not happening.
25 I thought of the creature in the urban setting, blowing flames at the police and at the helicopters and all, its tail knocking cars and buses into the sky.
26 I had to do something.
27 I put up my right hand and a metal glove came flying from God knows where.
28 It had some sort of glowing circle on the palm.
29 The circle had power, and it glowed brighter and brighter.
30 Suddenly two pieces of metal flew at my shins, and clung to them like catchers’ shin guards.
31 Armor then came at me at magnificent speed.
32 Before I knew it, I became suited in shiny, amazingly colorful armor. When I walked, I clanged. It was a bit unwieldy, but it was just what I needed. A little clangy, but I rarely worry about trifles.
33 The only thing I didn’t have was a face guard.
34 Within seconds my door blew open and a face guard came at me at lightning speed.
35 “NOT THE FACE!!!” I shouted.
36 It heard me and slowed down.
37 I then heard a rumbling.
38 I looked out my window to the East Hills and saw nothing but suburbs, ranches, farms and churches. A tiny gaggle of geese flew one way, and suddenly reversed direction in perfect unison.
39 I looked at the work I had to do, as I often do, and then looked once more at my window.
40 Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNN!!!
41 The monster’s head appeared, much larger than I had imagined. It turned fire-red, and it shot a powerful flame that shattered the glass and nearly hit me. It roared in agony, reared its head, and shot another flame that got my on the wrist. I was aflame!
42 I looked at my wrist. The fire continued, but the wrist was untouched. I then looked at the glowing circle. It animated before my startled eyes, turned, and shot a fierce ray right into the eyes of the monster.
43 The thing screamed in terror, and knocked the roof off of my classroom.
44 I knew what I had to do. I looked up and created a vortex in the sky. The clouds darkened and spun. I then shot myself up to the vortex. I had no idea why, but it is evidently much easier to take care of fire-breathing, multi-colored file -folder monsters from way up high.
45 I got up there and realized that I somehow had to do a kamikaze attack by going directly at the monster at the now-cliche’ lightning speed.
46 People screamed.
47 I circled, a bit hesitant, but knowing full well that this was for God, country, school, and the American Way.
48 I thought to myself, “You dumb ass. Just fly to some remote island that has blue waters and beach shacks stocked with Crystal Light and Nutella.”
49 But no.
50 The school needed me. The suburbs, ranches, farms and churches needed me. Education needed me, for whatever reason.
51 I decided I was going in.
52 I flew at it a bajillion miles an hour, and exploded the thing into a bajillion pieces.
53 People cheered. I passed out.
54 I had a deep cut on my nose.
55 I awakened in the arms of a gorgeous nurse named Peggy. She looked down at me and said, “You passed out.”
56 I thought, “Uh…do you think?” Looks aren’t everything, as we all know.
57 I heard a bird chirp. I heard people cheer. I was a hero.
58 I saw bits and pieces of the charred, bloody monster blowing through the trees.
59 And then I saw pieces of paper become uncharred.
60 One flew down lightly, like a peaceful feather. It fell next to me. A minute later, another came down and landed on top of the first.
62 Then another.
63 A red folder drifted out of a cloud and landed next to the paper. And then a green one. and then more papers stacked on to the growing stack.
64 A wind blew through the hills. The sun set, the music came up, and the credits rolled.
65 See you again.
66 Peace.
~H~
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