May 2, 2013
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SHARKS!!!
The Daily News
1 Wow! Way to go, San Jose Sharks!!! Coming from behind and getting it done!!! Gotta love it.2 Just, wow. And Brandon Belt, nice work last night to sweep the Arizonas despite Timmeh. Go Woyers tonight!!! Steph Curry is a class act!!!
3 Moving on, Part One: Anybody looking?
4 I navigated Wednesday famously.
5 Wasn't easy.
6 Mid-day yesterday I lost my reading glasses.
7 For a coot my age, that's like losing your eyes.
8 Sometime around lunch.
9 I went out to lunch, and went to this Pho place where I am the mayor.
10 Whenever I go there, I usually pull out my phone and catch up on emails and business I can't do when I lecture or workshop.
11 I have a confession to make.
12 I am a creature of habit.
13 I tend to have a place for everything and everything in its place.
14 Each morning when I leave for work, I have my keys, wallet, and phone in specific pockets, for example.
15 The Holy Three.
16 Glasses remain either on, or in my coat pocket.
17 I had a veggie shake the night before last, so was slightly hungry yesterday, and was in the mood for a fat bowl of hot Pho, which is manna on a Wednesday.
18 I have two different places I frequent, and am mayor of both.
19 Yesterday I sat down in my usual spot at the one next to Payless Shoes on Tully. I sat opposite a teevee where I can hear and watch all the horrors of modern living. I routinely took out my cell, reached into my coat pocket to get my reading glasses, and found them gone.
20 I didn't even have my spare.
21 I patted my coat pocket around fifteen times, like you do. Gone. It was official.
22 I still ordered my stuff, but was disoriented. I looked at my phone and noticed that my arms weren't long enough to read.
23 Yeesh.24 I somehow managed, because I goofed on people, a fun hobby from my gangsta days. I heard some sort of commotion and looked at the table next to me.
25 There was this HUGE guy complaining to the guy who runs the place that he never received a pork chop with his lunch.
26 Dude looked like he was pretty familiar with pork chops.
27 It was none of my business.
28 Usually I just glance at stuff like that and return to my business.
29 This guy started to get loud.
30 He must have weighed 350 pounds, I swear to you.
31 The last thing he needed was a pork chop.
32 I was sitting there trying to ignore it, and at the same time looking up, like you do.
33 He was loud, but passive/aggressive.
34 You know, "I paid for the side of pork chop and never got it. But it's okay man."
35 Then he'd get loud about it.
36 The guy who runs the Pho place finally told him that he would bring him a free pork chop.
37 Big Boy was really rude, and he got all racist.
38 I almost said something, but measured who would win in a fight.
39 I thought that my wrestling training and lighter weight would make me quicker, but there was also the
crazy factor. I know wrestling because I wrestled for three years when I was in high school. I always liked that
I did that because to this day, I have some sort of self-defense training.40 When you're a guy, and you are younger, for example, random guys will occasionally try to kick you in the butt for no reason.
41 Whenever that would happen, I would instinctively grab their foot and pull them off balance, watch them fall on their ass, and then say, "Never
mess with a wrestler, dude!"42 In college, we were at a picnic one time, for example, and this big clumsy oaf came up behind me and tried to throw me to the ground. No reason. Just
an idiot who was drunk.43 Within seconds I had my legs wrapped around his neck, locked in and ready to crush the moron. This was a move a friend of mine had taught me when I wrestled.
44 I wasn't even that good of a wrestler, but better than any non-wrestler.
45 But that was just some drunk college guy feeling his oats.
46 I'll bet he had a pretty sore neck the next day.
47 The guy in the Pho place was different.
48 His aggression to the guy who owned the place was fueled with anger and racism.
49 I still sized him up, but the nutso factor prevented me from intervening in the Great Pork Chop Debate.
50 My blurry vision also was a bit of a factor.
51 I'm not really sure how it all played out, because I had to get back up to the Chill. Short lunch on Wednesdays.
52 I must confess it was all a trifle scary. Fox news, or whatever was broadcasting all sorts of fearful things, and my nerves have
been on edge this entire year, so it all played on my neurosis. I got back to the Chill and was a tad frazzled.53 Little noises made me jumpy.
54 Who needs that?
55 It's into the three a.m. and all is now calm.
56 As Vonnegut once put it, "I am better now. Word of honor. I am better now."
57 Think I'll crawl back into bed.
58 Hectic, blurry days. Wind and weirdness. Odd fat racists. Pork chops. Can't. Handle. It.
59 Think I'll crawl back into bed.
60 So glad it is already tomorrow.
61 Have a great day. Hope you enjoyed this mini-drama. Gottago.
62 See you again.
63 Peace.
~H~
www.xanga.com/bharrington
