April 25, 2013
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The Daily News1 I'm pretty sure that yesterday was 12-Year-Olds-Driving-Cars Day.2 It all began with my ride to work.
3 I saw this monster truck coming up behind me in my rear view.
4 I naturally thought it was a redneck. Who wouldn't?
5 I did my mantra that I do in situations like this.
6 I thought to myself, "Where ya goin'? See you at the Light." Moron alert. No shortage.
7 Anybody looking?
8 I always say that when I see a dangerous driver, especially one who is young and full of piss and vinegar. I again looked into my rear view mirror at the miscreant.. He descended on me at an alarming rate.
9 He pulled up on my right.
10 I expected to look over and see some offshoot of Larry- the-Cable Guy grinding it down the road.
11 Instead, I looked over and saw a kid who must have been at most twelve at the helm. He sported some modern version of a tractor hat.
12 "Must be some sort of holiday," I thought to myself.
13 The guy had a peahead.
14
Dude looked TWELVE to me. Huge ears. Pea head. What is a fellow to say?15 This happened around two more times yesterday.
16 I must admit something.
17 I have this thing that any time I see an idiot doing something idiotic, that I absolutely MUST see what he looks like.
18 This is something I learned a long time ago. Tailgater? I sometimes speed up just to get a gander. As soon as they are next to me, I look over, and when they look back at me I think to myself, "So THAT's what an idiot looks like!"
19 The second idiot arrived at a stop sign to my right after I was already stopped.
20 You've probably seen the guy in your own neighborhood. All-black-beat-up sedan with no hubbies. Rusty black rims. Dents.21 The guy stopped, looked at me, and took the right-of-way.
22 He looked at me like I was crazy. His face looked like a goose.
23 The guy was twelve. I swear to you. He could not have been a year older. He zoomed off.
24 This was in a reasonably peaceful neighborhood, over by Penitencia Creek headed toward Piedmont Road.
24 I turned left, and this grey car was coming into my lane and swerved at the last second.
25 I looked over to see what the idiot looked like.
27 Dude must have been a seventh grader. He looked like he just got whooped in a game of tether ball.
28 I swear to you.
29 Three morons in a row, all of them driving dangerously, all of them under thirteen. At least they all three looked under thirteen.
30 I imagine they had to be old enough to be driving, but I guess as you age, kids seem to look younger and younger.
31 Heck, my bank clerk looks thirteen to me.
32 Funny our perspective of age.
33 I remember looking at my parents' yearbooks when I was young and thinking, "Whoa! Teenagers looked like they were thirty when my parents were young!"
34 But if you go back to your old high school after six or seven years, the freshmen always seem to have shrunk since you were in school.
35 It's all perspective.
36 Getting older is glorious, isn't it?
37 Moving on, Part 1: Thursday.
38 I like Thursdays, because it means I am as far away from having to go to meetings as possible.
39 Wednesdays are meeting days, and yesterday's meeting could have been a disaster.
40 The trouble is, people who run meetings want to bring up the bad stuff at the end. I don't blame them. If you bring up the bad stuff at the
beginning you get a bunch of sour, angry people getting into arguments on how things should be.41 I'm a bit different. I prefer getting the ugly stuff over fast, and I always hope that there will be that one person who could put the fire out early.
42 We had our WASC report to discuss. That is one huge elephant sitting in the room.
43 That's the report from the Western Association of Schools and Colleges, the visiting team that continues to stress our school year in and year out.
44 Nobody wants to touch it, but we all have to deal with it.
45 I absolutely hated the thought of going, but I know that professionally, that was what I should do.
46 I won't go into details, but I will simply say that I really love Thursdays, because Wednesdays are a weekly nightmare. I dread every single Wednesday.
47 I usually talk here about how Tuesdays should be eliminated as a day of the week, but it isn't because I'm against Tuesdays per se.
48 It is because we know going in that Mondays are tough. If you have lived long enough, you know that you should spend some time on Sunday doing something having to do with work so that Monday doesn't throw you into an abyss. It's Tuesdays that are tricky. The ability to conquer a Monday should be a mandatory class when you are in high school.
49 A lot of people know this and think, "Whew! I got through Monday!" only to wake up on Tuesday morning and scream, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" If Tuesday were eliminated then Wednesday would be Tuesday, and you kill two birds, as they say. You might as well have everything suck on the same day.
50 Something like that. If I were President of the United States, one of my first moves would be the Saying-Good-bye-to Tuesday initiative. It would stop people from going zany. Everyone would be more peaceful and mannerly.
51 I would also have some sort of initiative that would raise the age at which you could get a drivers' license. I'd raise it to twenty. Part of the initiative would be that people who look twelve should be denied licenses altogether.
52 God I've become crotchety.
53 It's fun. I swear to you. I say most things in jest, but I don't care who agrees or disagrees. Oh, I don't say them at meetings.
54 Just prolongs the meetings. The best thing to do at a meeting is to shut up.
55 Anybody looking?
56 It's well into the four a.m.
57 I gottago before I say something I don't wanna. Yeesh. I better go.
58 See you again. Have a GREAT Thursday!
59 Peace.
~H~
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