April 24, 2013
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WARRIORS AND SHARKS!!!BAY AREA SPORTS ROCK!!!
The Daily News1 WOW!!! Sensational games!!! AND the Warriors will have home court advantage. They got one out of town against the best home team. That’s what you DO!!! Sharks doing it again!!! You gotta love Bay Area Sports these days. Congrats to both teams and to the fans. Now let’s win it!!!2 Moving on, Part One: <Note:I wrote most of the DN yesterday afternoon to the idiocy of computer changes.> I’m writing today’s DN sans glasses. I know what you think.
3 You’re thinking, “Just wait ’til the first apostrophe; HE’LL get his.”
4 I made it through the first apostrophe, but I feel like Ma Kettle, who knew the fine art of apostrophe usage.
5 Nevermind. <sigh no more.>
6 I can already see that I am on some old jalopy headed for some country road that has dusty curves and treacherous yet splendorous views.
7 Great challenge. Number eight just disappeared on me, dag nabbit!
8 W-w-whoops. Wear’d number eight go? Oh, there y’arr ya little rascal. Now where’s m’ glasses?
9 Oh, that’s right. My challenge is to write this with no regard to glasses.
10 <basketball buzzer>
11 Thank goodness for Joe-the-Bear.
12 He metaphysically, and I swear to you it is true, sent the message to me to put my glasses back on and to stop trying to be a hero.
13 I must needs listen to Joe-the-Bear.
14 The fellow has bear swag.
15 I think the trouble I am experiencing is mathematical. The distance from the screen to my eyes > my ability to think outside the box.
16 Here is yet another theorem: ANYTHING > my ability to think outside the box.
17 A truer word was never said.
18 Is that from Wilder’s The Skin of Our Teeth?
19 I believe so.
20 Where on Earth is all this stuff headed?
21 I should say Rite-Aid, just off the top of me head.
24 I find that Rite-Aid somehow makes the contrast to philosophy and distances of eyes-to-screen palpable. It also sells reading glasses.
25 I feel like a motorcycle gangsta who can’t spark his machine.
26 But I know I’m gangsta, and can do this..
27 I think.
28 I’m actually having a lot of fun trying to write this without glasses.
29 To go to another analogy, it’s like writing the DN while playing Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey.
30 Sugar and cupcakes.
31 Goodness knows just what might land here.
32 It’s sort of fun, because I’m still doing it.
33 I feel like it’s my birthday, only instead of my eight-hundredth, it’s my fourth.
34 Party hats, blowers, and Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey.
35 Are we having fun?
36 The whole concept of being a kid and having a birthday party is sugar-coated fun.
37 Moving on, Part One: Anybody looking?
38 It’s sort of charming in a way, because once I turned thirty I never wanted to have another birthday party ever.
39 At the time, and what a time it was, I was working with a band on a musical. We rocked and rollicked every day at rehearsal.
40 On my thirtieth birthday, they knew. They suddenly dropped their instruments and seized me.
41 They wrestled me down and spanked me thirty times.
42 That’s what rock bands do. Sounds rowdy and fun, right? <second basketball buzzer>
43 When I got home my butt had turned beet red. Or beat red, if we’re going to talk rock bands and drummers.
44 I literally couldn’t sit down. Thirty whacks by a crazed rock band. Those are Metallica whacks. Rock n’ Roll dudes know how to hurt a fellow.
45 I felt like Roger Rabbit. I was a Toon. It hurt without words.
46 Throbbingly painful.
47 I haven’t publicly celebrated a birthday since. Family, yes. But I keep it quiet.
48 I don’t want another whooping.
49 Moving on, Part Two: I have a smudge on my glasses.
50 Sayyyyy.
51 I thought I wasn’t supposed to be using my glasses.
51 Oh…I’m not.
52 I was just…um…winding down here.
52 Wouldn’t want to anger anyone, right?
53 Especially a goofy rock band named Daffy and the Ducks.
54 I was Daff.
55 The Ducks are still around, and might be hovering in silence waiting for a second attack.
56 Won’t happen. They‘re almost as old as I.
57 Ah, we‘re all eternally young.
58 This was fun. It was like Pee-Wee golf fun, which is what miniature golf used to be called, back in the day.
59 Loves me some back in the day, to put it in Facebookspeak.
60 Moving on, Part Three: Once again, huge shout-outs to the Warriors, Sharks, and all our loyal fans. Stunning games. I’m still reeling. Bay Area sports!!! Let’s DO this!!!
61 I gottago.
63 See you again.64 Peace.~H~
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