April 11, 2013
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The Daily News
1 Is everything updated on the internet necessarily good?2 The changes are happening fast and furious, and I'm not so certain I want to jump on this train.
3 A student came to me in dreadful dismay about the ridiculousness of Windows 8.
4 How was I to argue with the lad? He said, "Windows 8 SUCKS!" Well, he's somewhat right.
5 Last week I went through a series of digital collapses and electrical nightmares. My laptop crashed, and suddenly I had to scramble for answers. I bought a new laptop at Best Buy. It became an instant nightmare. Passwords didn't work. Then they did. Then they didn't.
I finally brought it in to Best Buy just to see if they could help a brother out.6 I was out of town over the weekend so I couldn't wait to go get it after school yesterday. I chummed it up with the Geek Squad, and they showed me that everything was working wonderfully. I even shook hands with the Geek who helped me.
7 I got it home and had instant trouble.
9 This is the first DN written on my brand new laptop, but there are issues. Just trying to figure out how to restart it is some ancient mystery. You have to go to the far corners of you screen and wait for ghosts to make a power button appear. Except that the power button doesn't appear. You used to be able to go to an area in the lower left corner entitled, "Shut down." It was an off button. Not anymore. They have hidden the shut down button in the far reaches of the universe, and it may or may not appear.
10 Mystical. I have switched over to my desktop. It works normally. I'll go back to the ancient mysteries later today. I just didn't want to push the wrong button and disappear into the cosmos.
11 Moving on, Part One: In the midst of all of this, my Giants won. Beautifully.
12 They swept, and Zito actually performed. The A's Brandon Moss is a beast.
13 Ah Springtime. The Bay Area teams are sweeping everybody.
14 That's all fine and good. Unless you live on the East Coast.
15 Liking it. Liking the sunshine. Liking the flowers and longer nights. Liking all of it.
16 Moving on, Part Two: I got home somewhat early yesterday despite the laptop nonsense, so I needed to get a few other things done: do a little laundry, grade a few things, feed the dog and all. You know how it is.
17 In the midst of all of this I needed something to read, because I am a reader, ablbeit a nerdy one.
18 In a moment of terror, I remembered that I had to write this stuff too, so Iturned to books and literature for inspiration.
19 I immediately looked to my library for inspiration.
20 I saw the greats: Socrates, Shakespeare, Yeats, and all the rest.
21 I totally needed inspiration. I felt mystical from my experiences with Windows 8.
22 I kept staring at my books awaiting mysticism coming from some of the greatest minds in the world.
23 I looked over all my books. Anything to bring the wisdom of the ages to all of you.
24 Couldn't do it.
25 Dude.
26 Where is the greatest secrets of mankind hiding?
27 Is there an answer?
28 I dunno.
29 I had just slammed my third Crystal Light raspberry when this pocket edition of Landscaping for Dummies appeared out of nowhere and landed in my lap.
30
Pocket edition. 31 Yellow and black cover. 32 I thought to myself, "Hey, this is something I could use. And it is non-digital." 33 I mused over the first couple of pages, and it talked to me. 34 It gave easy, practical instructions. The contrast to Windows 8 struck me like a lightning bolt. 35 I became the Zeus of gardening by the third page. 36 I broke into a huge smile. 37 Here is the intro, just in case you think I am making all of this up: "We figure that you can find two kinds of people in the world--those who have waited and waited until they have a home or some property that they can landscape, and those who never gave landscaping a second thought and suddenly find themselves having to do just that. Whichever camp you belong to, welcome--this book is for you." 38 Within seconds I realized that gardening is an art. I won't bore you with all of it, but it has all the qualities of putting on a show by Shakespeare, or of a sweeping piece of poetry by Tennyson, or even painting ceilings and floors like Michaelangelo. 39 This little book told me to make a rough sketch of my backyard. Backyards are where people entertain. Front yards are just curb chicks with mascara. Backyards are a combination of all things: function, such as shade, lawns, which reduce dust, safety, such as putting roses under windows, practicality, such as raising or lowering sides of houses for proper drainage, privacy such as putting up fences to protect one from snoopy neighbors, and sides of houses, which can be used as bistros with paintings. 40 That's some tasty wisdom. Yards as art. What a concept. I always knew that instinctively having designed plays and all, and having enjoyed art and literature, but never really put it THAT much together. 41 On page two, it has a bit more. Dummies' books use icons, right? This little gem is no different. It has a silhouetted hand with a string around the pointer finger. The instruction: Whenever we tell you something you should commit to memory, we flag it with this icon. 42 It has a second icon that is a target with an arrow in its heart. The instruction: For gems of accumulated wisdom--often the kind learned from painful experience--follow this icon. 43 Are you smiling yet? 44 This is how page two concludes: "You've got your minibook copy of Lanscaping Basics for Dummies--now what? This minibook is a reference, so if you need information on shrubs, head to Chapter 3. Or if you're interested in finding out about trees, go straight to Chapter 2. Or heck, start with Chapter 1 and read the chapters in order...you rebel." 45 Even if you aren't a homeowner yet, you have to love the sassiness of this. 46 Separating myself from digital nonsense and idiocy put me into an entirely different frame of mind yesterday. When did we EVER allow digital nonsense and idiocy control our lives? 47 It's Springtime. 48 Computers and laptops, emails and texting? I'm done withal, at least for a while. 49 I'm going to get myself outside and away from all this nonsense and idiocy. 50 It is almost a time for a peaceful rebellion. We can all do it quietly. Let the computer world argue with itself and confuse people with constant upgrades. We lived a long time perfectly happy, and we don't need students going out of their minds because of computer changes. 51 Change. 52 I'm getting back to where I once belonged. 53 Go outside. Listen to the birds. Read a book. 54 You may never go back. 55 Gottago. 56 See you again. 57 Peace.~H~
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