The Daily News
1 I tried writing this yesterday afternoon and it was useless.
2 It absolutely must be in the middle of the night, or nothing.
3 I read what I wrote and it was idiotic.
4 I won’t trouble you with the topic, because it was inane. I decided to do my usual routine, which worked out much better.
5 I awakened at around 3:30 a.m. and had just fallen down a deep hole into my own Wonderland. Cheshire cats, teapots, and freshly painted red roses.
6 A Disney DN had written itself before my feet hit the floor.
7 The deal is, my last class of the day completely rocked and understood my lesson.
8 A few of them angered me because they came in late, and they were on cell phones at the beginning of my lecture.
9 Instead of getting angry, I merely stated that they needed to get to my class on time, and that they needed not to be texting while I was trying to help them get smarter.
10 They sheepishly put away the phones, and some even apologized for coming in late.
11 Last class of the day.
12 I then gave them a tip on how to get on Amazon and to buy a Warriner’s grammar book for under six dollars. Warriner’s is THE grammar book that has been used to help people speak well for what seems like centuries. Despite that, it still didn’t land safely on quite a number of people. But my students tuned in yesterday.
13 I then had them take a paragraph from a piece of literature and write the parts of speech over the top of each word.
14 To the layperson, that doesn’t sound like much, but to a teacher, it was absolutely startling.
15 I walked around the classroom and heard comments like, “That’s an adjective, fool!” Or “What part of speech is ‘that’?” Pronoun or adjective, depending on the use.
16 It was a grammatical Wonderland. They taught each other the entire time. I tried interfering, but they weren’t interested. They taught each other. I’ll state that again: they taught each other. And it worked.
17 Baby steps.
18 Speaking correctly is making a comeback, at least in my classes.
19 A perfect period of teaching took place yesterday afternoon. The students engaged in teaching, arguing, and asking me to referee. They climbed over each other, often trying to outdo one another.
20 Oh, it might not seem like much, but it was clear that these guys were miles ahead of their peers in terms of understanding how our language is supposed to work.
21 They knew every part of speech and how it was working in sentences. They understood complex things about writing.
22 They asked REALLY good questions, such as, “What part of speech is ‘else,’ as in “anybody else?”
23 I had to think, because I refuse to rely on teachers’ copies of books. I pride myself in working through those sorts of complex questions so that I am working as hard as the students.
24 Hopefully I’m right here, but I figured that “else” was an adjective.
25 To the layperson, this stuff isn’t important. But I have to fight things like, “I ate a olive yesterday.” Grammar is almost extinct. It is “an olive” fool.
26 Or “Yesterday I had ran downtown.” <basketball buzzer> Uh…it’s “had run.” We no longer teach these things. We don’t have the books. Grammar is disappearing at an alarming rate. Alot is becoming one word. It isn’t. It is two words. A lot. But yesterday my students were getting it. They were almost addicted to correctness. I was in the middle of some sort of cartoon.
27 Wonderland. Quite a cartoony dream.
28 At one point, some student yelled the *f* word. Just barked it in the middle of all the learning. Everything stopped, and all eyes went to me.
29 The class knew I wasn’t kidding around, and fell silent. I happened to be standing at my podium, a thug in a gangsta hat with a crease in his cheek. Pure silence. Tension. In Facebookease: that awkward moment when you shout something at the exact time everybody else is suddenly silent.
30 I spoke.
31 “I assume that was one of those accidental blurts that sometimes happen to all of us. I will make some lemonade then.” I didn’t even point out the student, nor did I send him out of the room.
32 I had the parts of speech written on the board.
33 Continuing.
34 “You just saved me a little time. What you just blurted out is called an interjection. An interjection is the first thing you say when you accidentally hit your thumb with a hammer. You say things like, “Ouch!” “Doggone-it!” “Oh fudge!”
35 Corny stuff. Unease.
36 “You also say things like, “Well…” or “Oh!”
37 I looked over their heads. I grew taller.
38 ”Interjections are interesting in that they have absolutely no grammatical purpose or function. We just say them. They exist outside all logic of language. But they are a part of this beautiful thing that we call language. So I’m not at all very angry about a little slip; it happens to all of us, and it usually happens when everybody falls silent at once. Let’s just remember that we are in a classroom.”
39 “You may continue with your teaching.”
40 Awesome moment.
41 In my earlier days I may have handled that a lot worse. I may have gone off on the kid and berated him. I might have thrown him out of the room. I might have even hurled a dictionary in his direction.
42 I knew he had just slipped. It’s human. I knew that. He was scared to death, because he just happened to yell that at the same time the class silenced. That is one of the designs of life. It has happened to so many of us.
43 So we all blew it off, and they returned to arguing about seemingly insignificant things like verbs, adverbs, and all things that train our thinking.
44 We older folks take it for granted that we can speak well.
45 Well, not good. My students understand the difference, and the correctness.
46 It may sound a bit nerdy, but that is why I awakened into the three a.m.
falling down a hole into a cartoony wonderland.
47 I had originally tried writing this stuff yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t the same. My theme was “lousy hot dog buns.” I was going to call it something fluky like “Malice in Bunderland.”
48 Not the same. I absolutely must deadline this thing in the middle of the night, when everything is strange.
49 Right before I wrote this I was in dreamland. I was literally in a cartoon, with lush colors, teapots, Cheshire cats, an ocean of turquoise tears, yellow skeleton keys, and red paint.
50 There are worse things.
51 May I depart with a request?
52 Speak correct in front of younger people.
53 Correctly.
54 Let’s all join forces to bring elegance back.
55 That’s all.
56 Have a wonderful Tuesday.
57 Stay classy.
58 Peace.
~H~
www.xanga.com/bharrington
The Daily News1 I tried writing this yesterday afternoon and it was useless.2 It absolutely must be in the middle of the night, or nothing.3 I read what I wrote and it was idiotic.4 I won’t trouble you with the topic, because it was inane. I decided to do my usual routine, which worked out much better.5 I awakened at around 3:30 a.m. and had just fallen down a deep hole into my own Wonderland. Cheshire cats, teapots, and freshly painted red roses.6 A Disney DN had written itself before my feet hit the floor.7 The deal is, my last class of the day completely rocked and understood my lesson.8 A few of them angered me because they came in late, and they were on cell phones at the beginning of my lecture.9 Instead of getting angry, I merely stated that they needed to get to my class on time, and that they needed not to be texting while I was trying to help them get smarter.10 They sheepishly put away the phones, and some even apologized for coming in late.11 Last class of the day.12 I then gave them a tip on how to get on Amazon and to buy a Warriner’s grammar book for under six dollars. Warriner’s is THE grammar book that has been used to help people speak well for what seems like centuries. Despite that, it still didn’t land safely on quite a number of people. But my students tuned in yesterday.13 I then had them take a paragraph from a piece of literature and write the parts of speech over the top of each word.14 To the layperson, that doesn’t sound like much, but to a teacher, it was absolutely startling.15 I walked around the classroom and heard comments like, “That’s an adjective, fool!” Or “What part of speech is ‘that’?” Pronoun or adjective, depending on the use.16 It was a grammatical Wonderland. They taught each other the entire time. I tried interfering, but they weren’t interested. They taught each other. I’ll state that again: they taught each other. And it worked.17 Baby steps.18 Speaking correctly is making a comeback, at least in my classes.19 A perfect period of teaching took place yesterday afternoon. The students engaged in teaching, arguing, and asking me to referee. They climbed over each other, often trying to outdo one another.20 Oh, it might not seem like much, but it was clear that these guys were miles ahead of their peers in terms of understanding how our language is supposed to work.21 They knew every part of speech and how it was working in sentences. They understood complex things about writing.22 They asked REALLY good questions, such as, “What part of speech is ‘else,’ as in “anybody else?”23 I had to think, because I refuse to rely on teachers’ copies of books. I pride myself in working through those sorts of complex questions so that I am working as hard as the students.24 Hopefully I’m right here, but I figured that “else” was an adjective.25 To the layperson, this stuff isn’t important. But I have to fight things like, “I ate a olive yesterday.” Grammar is almost extinct. It is “an olive” fool.26 Or “Yesterday I had ran downtown.” <basketball buzzer> Uh…it’s “had run.” We no longer teach these things. We don’t have the books. Grammar is disappearing at an alarming rate. Alot is becoming one word. It isn’t. It is two words. A lot. But yesterday my students were getting it. They were almost addicted to correctness. I was in the middle of some sort of cartoon.27 Wonderland. Quite a cartoony dream.28 At one point, some student yelled the *f* word. Just barked it in the middle of all the learning. Everything stopped, and all eyes went to me.29 The class knew I wasn’t kidding around, and fell silent. I happened to be standing at my podium, a thug in a gangsta hat with a crease in his cheek. Pure silence. Tension. In Facebookease: that awkward moment when you shout something at the exact time everybody else is suddenly silent.30 I spoke.31 “I assume that was one of those accidental blurts that sometimes happen to all of us. I will make some lemonade then.” I didn’t even point out the student, nor did I send him out of the room.32 I had the parts of speech written on the board.33 Continuing.34 “You just saved me a little time. What you just blurted out is called an interjection. An interjection is the first thing you say when you accidentally hit your thumb with a hammer. You say things like, “Ouch!” “Doggone-it!” “Oh fudge!”35 Corny stuff. Unease.36 “You also say things like, “Well…” or “Oh!”37 I looked over their heads. I grew taller.38 ”Interjections are interesting in that they have absolutely no grammatical purpose or function. We just say them. They exist outside all logic of language. But they are a part of this beautiful thing that we call language. So I’m not at all very angry about a little slip; it happens to all of us, and it usually happens when everybody falls silent at once. Let’s just remember that we are in a classroom.”39 “You may continue with your teaching.”40 Awesome moment.41 In my earlier days I may have handled that a lot worse. I may have gone off on the kid and berated him. I might have thrown him out of the room. I might have even hurled a dictionary in his direction.42 I knew he had just slipped. It’s human. I knew that. He was scared to death, because he just happened to yell that at the same time the class silenced. That is one of the designs of life. It has happened to so many of us.43 So we all blew it off, and they returned to arguing about seemingly insignificant things like verbs, adverbs, and all things that train our thinking.44 We older folks take it for granted that we can speak well.45 Well, not good. My students understand the difference, and the correctness.46 It may sound a bit nerdy, but that is why I awakened into the three a.m.falling down a hole into a cartoony wonderland.47 I had originally tried writing this stuff yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t the same. My theme was “lousy hot dog buns.” I was going to call it something fluky like “Malice in Bunderland.”48 Not the same. I absolutely must deadline this thing in the middle of the night, when everything is strange.49 Right before I wrote this I was in dreamland. I was literally in a cartoon, with lush colors, teapots, Cheshire cats, an ocean of turquoise tears, yellow skeleton keys, and red paint.50 There are worse things.51 May I depart with a request?52 Speak correct in front of younger people.53 Correctly.54 Let’s all join forces to bring elegance back.55 That’s all.56 Have a wonderful Tuesday.57 Stay classy.58 Peace.~H~
www.xanga.com/bharrington
