December 5, 2012
-
The Daily News1 Since we put the tree in the living room, my office has been dispatched to our sun room, which looks out on our back yard. The wonderful part is that the windows in two rooms now reflect the lights when the sun goes down. I feel like I’m somehow in downtown Manhattan during the holiday rush.2 It’s a wonderful view, and I see the sky, the trees, and the clouds each day when I’m on the computer.3 The challenge begins when I get into the 1 a.m. to write this.4 I like to snooze a few hours before embarking so that I am rested and don’t wind up sounding like the village idiot.5 Our sun room morphs into a sort of fish tank in the middle of the night.6 It is scary, I’m not gonna lie.7 Sidebar: <that expression!> Doesn’t that mean that while I usually lie, I’m not gonna lie this time?8 I loves me some goofing on Newspeak.9 That was a cheap allusion to…10 <JAY-zuss I’m getting old.> <thought pops into head, vanishes.>11 I’m on item eleven and the wheels have already come off.
12 Sun room. Fish tank. Scary. Middle-of-the night. Scary. Creepy. Scary.13 I keep waiting to see the face in the window.14 I want to pull my metaphorical blanket over my head.15 I tell my students that pulling a blanket over your head keeps you safe from everything. Hiding under the metaphorical covers will protect you from anything.16 Stoned guys usually lift their heads and utter, “For reals?”17 Yeah dude, for reals. So if there’s an earthquake, a brick chimney won’t hurt you.18 Have a Darwin Award.19 For reals.20 <peeking out from under the covers.> <anybody there?>21 All clear.22 No face.23 It’s creepy that people can see me but that I can’t see them.24 It’s dark out there.25 I’m lit up like a Vegas casino. Manhattan to Vegas in a heartbeat.26 Ah, whatevs. At least tonight it isn’t freezing.27 <looking around.>28 I read somewhere that it is impossible for our minds ever to shut up.29 That means our mind is an irritating, incessant talker, and that we do lots of listening.30 I can think of when our minds possibly shut up.31 When that real brick chimney crashes through those metaphorical covers. For reals.
32 Moving on, Part the First: Is anyone else tired of the Niners’ quarterback controversy?33 Bleh.34 Good challenge to have.35 “But they might not win the Super Bowl with Colin Kaepernick!”36 Dude. Horrors.37 Ninety-nine percent of the teams that play professional football are not going to the win the Super Bowl.38 Did I do that right? Is that Chicago-Manually correct?39 Thirteen three-and-outs. That’s the number one thing to me. Getting the ball down the field. Period.40 With all due respect to Smith fans, converting first downs is an important skill in the game of professional football. It is safe to say that thirteen misses doesn’t bode well.41 It’s more important than not making mistakes, which IS important and which the Niners have done a lot of this year.42 So I am definitely a Kaepernick guy, despite Smith’s winning record. When it came down to it, his inability to convert was a major challenge, and one that he was unable to overcome at critical times last year. Fortunately we had a kicker who got great because he had about a seven-thousand reps.43 End the conversations. Worry about something relevant, like safe driving, for instance.44 Moving On, Part the Second: I love the hypocrite in myself sometimes, because in many ways we are all hypocrites, and frequent hypocrites. For example, I just got done talking about how tired I am of listening to that stuff about Kaepernick and Smith, but whose fault is that? First, I can change the radio station. Second, I can turn off the teevee. Third, I could stop arguing at length about it on the DN.
45 As for safe driving, I caught myself not signaling three times yesterday when I was in quieter neighborhoods. On the freeway I am vigilant about signaling, but for some reason, when I am merging to the right on Quimby Road, I am less vigilant.
46 Don’t get me wrong. I am careful. I do use mirrors. But I caught myself not signaling in a no-traffic situation, and then heard my babbling mind scream at me, “You hypocrite! You should signal every time you intend to move over!”
47 I even heard some talk show guy talk the other day about how he got a ticket for not having his turn-signal on when he was in a turning lane. I think talk-show hosts don’t know when to push their minds’ mute buttons. Anway a cop pulled him over for not signaling while he was already in a turning lane.
48 In a way I’m glad that cops do that. It keeps us from being unsafe idiots. I just don’t want them to give me one. So I’ll be more careful. I’ll keep my eye out for cops.
49 Moving on, Part the Thoid: Yesterday I was at Fed Ex running some materials for school today when this little white car, noisy beyond its stature, zoomed past the window at around 40 mph. It disappeared in an alley behind the store at an unbelievable speed.
50
I take that route whenever I go to Fed Ex because I avoid the business of the parking lot. I am overly cautious because there are blind curves and trucks that use that area for loading, but in general, I avoid the mish-mash of a busy parking lot, especially early evening.
51 The guy came speeding back out, twice as fast now, flew past me and into the parking lot. Pure lunacy.52 He was gone before I could see him. I thought about running after him and thumping on his hood.
53 Then my incessantly yammering head had THIS to say to me:
“Ninety-nine percent of the people out there can beat you up. And yes, you did the Chicago Manually correct thing, since you write out the percentage if it is at the beginning of the sentence.”54 Pedant.
55 So I decided not to go out and thump the guy’s car. I wouldn’t have had time anyway.56 A bit of it is similar to teaching: better I just take a huge broom to the beach and try to rid the shores of sand.
57 At least I would avoid the metaphorical brick chimney going through the metaphorical covers and breaking my metaphorical head.
58 Time to leave. This head of mind will never shut up.
59 You have a GREAT day.
60 See you again.
61 Peace.
~H~
www.xanga.com/bharrington
