October 1, 2012
-
SAFE!!!!!!
The Daily News1 Billy Joel almost killed me on Friday.
2 I respect the Piano Man for being the greatest guy ever to write a drink-swilling bar song, but honestly? I was simply trying to come home from the supermarket.
3 Dreaming of finally getting grades done, I decided to stop in at our local Walgreens for pocket tees, root beer and whistles.
4 When I got out and started up the car, there was a line about five thousand cars in front of me.
5 By the Grace of God, or Buddha, or Joe-the-Bear, or whomever, I saw it early, and detoured myself in the Walgreen’s parking lot. I detoured to this sneaky little exit area that runs right along side Walgreen’s.
6 It worked, yo.
7 I had my radio blasting fun music, as it was Friday late afternoon, and just as I pulled into the right lane on Morrill, Billy Joel’s Piano Man popped on the radio.
8 I mean no disrespect to fans of Billy Joel out there, but I knew that if I didn’t stop the madness, I would have his illustrious Piano Man screaming through my head for the remainder of the night.
9 Don’t get me wrong.
10 I loves me some Piano Man.
11 I loves me some Piano Man.
12 But only if I have had twelve-thousand shots and ten PBR’s, and it’s nine o’clock.
13
14 JUST KIDDING.
15 Beotches.
16 Settle the fu(Q down.
17 <impish smile> Like that? Heh, heh, heh! I am SOOOOO clever. Family show over here. I gots to keep it clean.
18 AnywayZ…
19 Right as I was poking my way into the right lane in order to head home, Joel’s Piano Man popped on, and LOUD, dude.
20 I immediately knew that I HAD to stop the bleeding.
21 My new ride, my Nissan Altima, or as I instantly dubbed her, “the Ol’ Timuh” is new to me.
22 I shot a peek at the dashboard and mixed up the radio-control thing with the AC. Trying to be cool whilst at the same time trying to drive steered me just slightly into the left lane.
23 Whilst. Yeesh. Who the hell says “whilst?”
24 Whatevs.
25 While I steered slightly into the left lane, some homeboy laid it on his horn, like I was trying to kill his entire family or something. He was speeding; I was slightly drifting. Dude was overreacting, and clearly had issues.
26 I pulled back into my own lane while the chorus screamed, “Sing us a song; you’re the Piano Man…sing us a song tonight…”
27 With all of my will I wanted to stop that from happening.
28 It didn’t work. I didn’t hit the off button in time, and this guy was SO angry that I almost took a side street home.
29 Argh.
30 Truth be told: I stopped liking Billy Joel after like his second song.
31 I REALLY apologize for the fans out there, but drinking songs aren’t really my thing, unless I’m playing guitar at a barbecue, and it’s nine o’ clock.
32 So all the way home Piano Man kept ringing through my head.
33 Eventually I put on some baseball and got over it.
34 This morning in the 3 a.m. I went online to find a picture of good ol’ Billy.
35 Here it is:
36 There were of course others, but this one sort of popped out. What’s up with the gloves? And what’s up with that piece of lead, or whatever? I copped this pic from some guy’s blog. Here is what the guy actually said:
Billy Joel is one of my favorite musical artists. Only the Good Die Young, Piano Man, Vienna…he’s written so many classics. In fact, if I was on a desert island and could only listen to one artist for the rest of my life, I very well might choose Billy Joel.
–Adam
37 Uh…really Adam?
38 That whole desert island thing is so ridiculous. I have around two thousand songs on my iPhone, and I’m already tired of them. Can you imagine listening to BJ for the rest of your life?
39 I would be looking up in the skies like Job, saying, “What did I do? WHAT DID I DOOOOOOOO???”
40 Love ya BJ.
41 Moving on, Part the First: The NFL should give merit penalties for sportsmanlike conduct.
42 Maybe the should throw a purple flag for guys who do thoughtful things.
43 If that would happen, the Niners Colin Kaepernick should have gotten a purple flag for sliding short of the end zone at the end of a Niner’s blowout of the New York Jets yesterday.
44 Up already 34-0, Kaepernick, who looked like a graceful Frankenstein all day, decided against scoring his second touch of the day, and slid short of the end zone, a complete class act.
45 Well, it also ate up the clock so nobody would get hurt.
46 Kaepernick was a three-sport hero at Pitman High School in Turlock, California, and pitched two no-hitters in baseball. So the guy knows how to slide.
47 Contrast to Peyton Manning’s heroics yesterday. After having scored three touchdowns in six minutes of the third, Manning came out throwing in the fourth quarter, like a neighborhood bully.
48 He clearly had something to prove to the football world, but the fact that he could pick apart an already weak defense that was missing two cornerbacks and a million tackles?
49 Ah, it happened. I just thought it was an interesting contrast.
50 Moving on, Part the Second: For the first time in my entire career I got all my grades done TWO days before deadline. I have been trying to give a few glimpses into the wide, wonderful world of teaching these past few weeks, and that has been my goal.
51 I may actually have a life this week.
52 I had four classes of essays to grade, two three-hundred-word essays each, and one class that did three three-hundred word essays each.
53 I went through each essay grading grammar, organization, transitions, etc. I have worked on these since September 13 and just finished them yesterday.
54 Lotta work.
55 I woke up in the 3 a.m. and my head was splitting from working so hard.
56 I’m okay now, and ready to live again. I won’t be giving any essays any time soon.
57 I needs me some rest, and it’s only Monday.
58 Moving on, Part the Thoid: The Giants and A’s are doing it. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m enjoying the ride. Runsler’s 96 MPH fastball did nothing but make me want him on the final roster. I could go on, but I have a saloon to run.
59 Catch you on the reebz.
60 Peace.
~H~
www.xanga.com/bharrington
