August 16, 2012
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The Daily News
1 So...Melky Cabrerra walks into a metaphorical bar...and all things Giants.2 Sorry.
3 How insensitive of me.
4 I won't say much.
5 Don't need to.
6 Just...wow. Dude...
7 Giants' fans...
8 I wanted to say something encouraging.
9 I can't.
10 I just can't.
11
12 I hate it.13 Beyond words.
14 Am I ready to abandon baseball?
15 Somehow.
16 That's if there IS a somehow.
17 Which brings me to this. We need to move on, and not to look back.
18 Moving on, Part One: And so, here we go. For some reason, Xanga has decided to blue-nose things that LOOK like links on the DN.
19 This means that they are linking stuff that I do not sanction in the DN. So if somehow my idiotic ramblings include blue links, there's no point in hitting them, because they might take you anywhere. Huh?
20 Think they care?
21 I won't answer that one.
22 Yeesh.
23 So any link that shows on this is generally not of my volition.
24 Ahhhh, meh. Click on 'em. They might take you somewhere awesome. Whatevs.
25 Let's keep movin' on. It's all we can do.
26 Moving on, Part Two: I have decided to say very little about the Melky thing. I already went through it with Bonds, and thought about all sports, and of how that sort of thing is clearly rampant. Every single sports hero who is succeeding has been suspect in my eyes for a while now. I don't even want think about football. So I fully intend to...uh...well, I dunno.
27 It ain't just Melky. It's anyone who shows super powers in sports. It's not rocket science to see; it's just a mirror to our lust for super heroes.
28 Sad, sad, sad.
29 Dude.
30 It's the second day of school.
31 I have enough on my plate. Do I really have to respond to stupidity beyond stupidity? Seriously?
32 Meh.
33
29 I'm pretty sure that's all I want to say on that. We are a nation of hypocrites, and every once in a while there is some goofball hero who steps up to look like a Superman, only to be exposed as a dreg, and as a scapegoat.
30 I'm not mad so mad at Melky as I am at American hypocrisy. All our sports are riddled with this idiocy. We couldn't stand it if we didn't have real-life super heroes, and we worship them so much that we look the other way when they do seemingly miraculous things.
31 Dude.32 I'm done with all of it.
33 Moving on, Part the Third: I'm sort of thinking maybe I could watch four-foot table ping pong.
34 It really involves just two competitors on a four-foot table having at it.
35 It was between that and sumo wrestling, but you KNOW those suckuhs are doping. You don't get man breasts like that without serious steroids.
36 Ah, what's a fellow to do?
37 Hey, I couldn't teach without a morning cup of coffee and an afternoon cocktail of veggie shakes and nothing but goods, so who am I to judge?
38 Meh.
39 My job is to teach, and to throw some intelligence out there.
40 And always a few laughs.
41 So...
42 We're back.
43 Moving on, Somehow Part the Fourth: Here's an item. Yesterday I was in the right lane, driving down the road when some miscreant in a white truck decided that it was cool to pass me at about a hundred miles an hour, in the same lane and on the right.
44 As always, I assumed I would meet him at the light. I moved quietly to the left lane, and sure enough, I not only arrived earlier than he, but much more safely.
45 When the buttmunch pulled up next to me, I was tempted to roll down my right window and scream at him for being a miscreant.
46 Discretion being the better part of valor, I just said under my breath, "Hey, assh$%." You know, the way you do. But I said it out loud.
47 At that exact moment, my cell phone suddenly lit up. I have one of those deals where if you push the right button, your cell phone will immediately call any name you say to it. It was in my left pocket and must have hit a coin or something, but it went off.
48 So I had just finished saying, "Hey, assh$%," when my cell phone talked back and said, "No match found."
49 Unmistakeably.
50 That miserable cur almost killed me, so in my eyes, there is no match.
51 I gave him the Assh$%-of-the-day award. He earned it.
52 Pretty easy gem to claim in 2012.
53 No match found.
54 Indeed.
55 Life's a poem.
56 So this is my third go-round on today's DN. I believe I will tuck this day in and write it off as a learning weekend.
57 No news is good news. Real news drives me into goofiness.
58 So I think I'll retire to bed while I'm still a tad sane.
59 What else should I be?
60 See you all tomorrow hopefully.62 Peace.
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