May 16, 2012
-
The Daily News
1 What day is today?
2 Do you do that?
3 You get so mixed up with everything you have to say and do that you have no idea what day it is?
4 The only day of the week where that is a nice thing is Saturday.
5 I always love that moment where you think you have to get up and do something, and then realize, "Ah, it's Saturday!"
6 And then you plop your head back down and smile and rest.
7 That didn't just happen.
8 What day IS today?
9 Wednesday. Oh thaz right. <trying to pry left eye open>
10 Wednesday is called inappropriately "Hump Day."
11 It is the largest hurdle of the week, and we are to get over the hump. Oh. I get it. Lol.
12 Some guy invented that probably because he was too frustrated to campaign for the elimination of Tuesday as a day of the week, a campaign I have fought for years.
13 Nobody ever listens. I coo into the night. Nobody listens.
14 It's like trying to campaign for free pizza. Or Ron Paul.
15 Ah, vell.
16 No matter what they call today, I usually feel like a stale piece of white bread by Wednesday.
17 Half a minute.
18 I just jumped over to AOL to check the major news stories, always a lark.
19 These are legit headlines. Here is what constitutes news these days:
Queen May Not Like Camel's Name. What's his name? Elizabeth? Betty? Joe?
Man Protests All-You-Can-Eat Fish Fry For Cutting Him Off. Dude.
Chaperones Accused of Spraying Lysol On Dancers at Prom. Seriously? Who made that call?
Robbing Internet Cafe? Check Out of Facebook First. There's a reason I have a job.
Truck Crash Unleashes 18 Tons of Yogurt on Highway. Sign of the times. It used to be booze and ciggies.
20 So there you have it.
21 No news.
22 As I have often said, good news.
23 Journalism is in the toilet, folks.
24 We make up news on a daily basis.
25 Oh, once again, some celeb was wearing some sexy dress at some celeb benefit, which happens every other day. Too funny. Lol.
26 Tom Cruise is getting reamed for being a Scientology nut. When hasn't that happened?
27 I'm guessing Maury Povich found once again who the husband was, in his usual macabre fashion. That guy is a walking freak show. I imagine him in Hell standing next to Rupert Murdoch. Rupert, not aware of Maury's fame: "So, how'd you make YOUR money?"
28 Going South Way too Fast Dept. Here's another headline: Alleged Weapons Dealer Ordered to Write Book Reports. I probably ordered the guy to do book reports ten years ago. Probably my fault. What an exquisite punishment.
29 I remember when news was news, and when all this sensationalism had a name in the journalistic circles. It was called yellow journalism, and was frowned upon by anybody with any sort of common sense.
30 All news is pretty much invented nowadays, until something worse comes along.
31 Welp, I'm not going to go into a rant about it. I'm of an age where I simply shrug my shoulders at the mountains of stupidity that surround us on a daily basis.
32 If mountains of stupidity grew like wildflowers, today would be be the Spring of idiocy.
33 I love mixed metaphors. People think you're ingenious.
34 It sort of is the Spring of idiocy when you take a look at the news.
35 Stupidity has reached pandemic proportions.
36 Moving on, Part the First: What day IS today?
37 Oh yeah. Wednesday. Stupid day.
38 What the hell do we do with Wednesday except call it something banal like Hump Day?
39 Some boring fellow on Facebook is sure to write, "Happy Hump Day Everyone!"
40 <yeesh>
41 Is it possible just to pull the blankets over my eyes and sleep through this stuff 'til Saturday?
42 Probably not.
43 It's already into the 4 a.m. and pretty soon I'm going to have to put shoes on.
44 There's always a chore, right?
45 Well, I just got up, went out front, and then out back, saw that all was actually pretty peaceful despite Facebook, and am ready to get back to sleep, despite having miles more to go.
46 Robert Frost would have had about two hits on a blog. People would have ignored him on his name alone. The Facebook fam-bam would have sent the guy to Farmville.
47 And that's life. <plays soothing Sinatra tune.>
48 I'm out yo.
49 Peace.
~H~
Have a little Francis.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqhYchnDNfA
Recent Comments