March 27, 2012
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1 Hubris.
2 Does anybody out there know what it is?
3 I gotta love it.
4 None of my students knew what it was, which amazes me.
5 If you're Greek, you already know.
6 The Greeks invented the word, and I love them for it. They invented everything, if you've ever watched My Big, Fat Greek Wedding.
7 And that includes hubris.
8 For the uninitiated, hubris is basically the act of being full of yourself, usually resulting in a well-deserved dressing down.
9 The closest I could come to it in modern slang is "swag."
10 I asked five classes if they knew what it was yesterday.
11 Only one student knew. He said, "Cockiness?"
12 He is a senior and had me in his freshman year.
13 Swag.
14 The Greeks knew that excessive hubris would eventually lead to a pie-in-the face. Smart people, thems Greeks.
15 I went into Monday filled with hubris.
16 I had good reason to. I had worked, and worked, and worked on lessons all weekend, and I woke up early yesterday proud of how hard I had worked.
17 I knew I had spent hours and hours planning this week. I also knew that my colleagues and students hadn't; I didn't care WHO they were. I knew that I had planned to go in on a Monday with guns blazing, and with a well-earned swag.
18 The fun thing was I actually had time to grab a little breakfast yesterday, right after I had showered, shaved, and made myself look purty.
19 I had this awesome baguette of sourdough I had purchased at Raymond's bakery in South City, one of the greatest hole-in-the walls on the planet. It had been fresh-baked and warm the day prior.
20 Rayond's bakes their own bread, and has a fireplace inside. The place smells of fresh baked bread and fire. It is one of the best no-names on the planet. I touched the baguette and it was still warm. Couldn't wait to tear into it's wonderful flavor.
21 Welp, it made it home, but soon became day-old, which is to say, day-old.
22 But yesterday morning I had a little time and a lot of swag. I was clean, shaven, prepared, and with more time than normal, because I was SO prepared for the week.
23 I was going into Monday like a young gun.
24 Right after tigtening my tie, I walked to the fridge and pulled out a hard-boiled egg. My thought was I could have a reasonably dietetic breakfast by putting a small piece of the sourdough into the micro, and then putting a dollop of mayo and mustard into a bowl with the egg. I figured it might stretch to a hundred calories, and that it was going to be a perfect breakfast for a young gun.
25 I put the bread into the microwave, figuring that around twenty seconds would at least simulate fresh-baked.
26 But Mondays know how to attack swag. They know how to fiddle and fuddle with hubris.
27 I'm not sure as to exactly what caused it. The dog might have barked. I might have forgotten something. Whatever it was, it was around thirty seconds of inattention.
28 I heard the microwave beep. This alarmed me, because it clearly exceeded the max of twenty seconds I needed to soften and freshen the bread.
29 I looked in the window of the microwave and saw that the lower right-hand corner of the bread was black and glowing. The inside of the microwave had filled with smoke.
30 Stupidly, I opened the door.
31 All of the hatred in mankind emerged in the figure of massive smoke. It hit me right in the face, and swiftly haunted the entire house, and neighborhood.
32 Every fire alarm in my neighborhood went off except mine.
33 I quickly pulled out the remaining timber and threw it into the sink, and then doused it with water.
34 So much for breakfast.
35 So much for shaving, showering and looking purty.
36 I opened every door and window in the house. The smoke dissipated pretty quickly, thankfully. I went down the hall and splashed some shampoo and water on my face and tried re-showering fully clothed, coat and all. It sort of worked, at least enough for me to get back my swag.
37 I was now in my usual rush, and grabbed both sets of keys, but hesitated on my school keys because of a newfound hole in the left pocket of my pants. I also grabbed my new thumb drive, which had valuable lessons on it, and threw it into my right pocket, as the left pocket had the hole.
38 Knowing I still had everything under control AND that I was five minutes earlier out the door, I again got my swag on. Some guys never learn.
39 The traffic to school went swiftly, so I re-grouped. It was Monday, after all, and I was prepared. I couldn't let a little thing like almost burning my house down stop me. I was prepared, and I knew that neither my students nor colleagues were even remotely close to going in on a Monday as tanned, rested, and ready as was I.
40 Hubris.
41 I got to school, pulled right into a parking space, parked perfectly, and hopped out of the T000000NRA with pomp, and with reveling. I saw the pained looks on the faces of nearly everybody else. Monday. I threw my satchel over my shoulder and stood as tall as the mountains and clouds. I had this. No doubt. Slow-motion, old western film music whistling. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Ennio Morricone. Play it slow,Poker Face. Total badass.
42 I reached into my left pocket for my school keys.
43 Gone.
44 The Hole. Or maybe the change of routine with the new thumb drive.
45 No way. I knew instinctively that I probably had removed them to my right pocket. I reached in.
46 Car keys. Check. Thumb drive. Check. School keys.
47 School keys.
48 I went up to my room. Almost no kids, because I was early.
49 I went into my friend Gwen's room. This was the second time this year I had to ask to borrow her phone so I could call the office to get a janitor to open my door.
50 I'm usually awesome about keys, but the hole in the pocket threw me off my routine.
51 The trouble with something like that is that the news goes to the walkie-talkies of anyone who has a walkie-talkie.
52 This meant that anyone who was pissed at me for anything was reminded of me at the same moment.
53 Long story, but we all piss off someone because we don't always aknowledge what they feel is important. So I had at least three people email me following this embarrassment to remind me of little requests they had made of me in the past two weeks.
54 And everyone loves when someone else screws up on a Monday. They were all thinking, "That guy messed up a Monday, and I didn't!"
55 Confirmed.
56 Eventually I got my class settled and the lesson moved foreward, as well as the remainder of the day, but it was pretty much too late.
57 I smelled like a burnt barnyard, had completely turned upside-down, and looked like an unprepared idiot.
58 Hubris.
59 Lesson learned.
60 Fortunately I re-grouped, finished strongly, and stayed until almost six last night working hard to make sure that Tuesday doesn't follow suit.
61 I got to sleep early, and awakened at around 1 a.m. to report all this.
62 It's well into the 2 a.m.'s now, but I already have logged in almost five hours of sleep.
62 I'm guessing I could gather around four more, and wake up with a little swag.
63 Or not.
64 Maybe never again.
65 AnywayZ, that's my lesson on hubris. Happens to all of us.
66 We live and learn and live and learn.
67 Have yourself a wonderful day.
68 Stay out of your own way.
69 Peace.
~H~
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