January 31, 2012
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The Daily News
1 It occurred to me yesterday that I haven’t been to Disneyland in a billion trillion years.
2 That’s the happiest place on Earth.
3 What’s with the delay?
4 Somebody talk me into it.
5 I went to school yesterday and everything had turned remarkably back to normal.
6 And the first thing I thought about was Disneyland.
7 The other day I was at Fed Ex, the former Kinkos, running some vocabulary lists. While they were running, I walked over to a small bookrack they have conveniently near the copy machines.
8 Almost every book had something to do with improving your life.
9 One book was called The Bucket List. I glanced through it, and really had no inkling of doing a zip line in Belize, or of tiger hunting in Africa, or of throwing down vodka shots and eating hard-boiled eggs in Ukraine.
10 Not my style. I’m a tad too parochial for those sorts of outings.
11 And any time I mention Disneyland, someone inevitably tries to steer me to Disney World in Florida. Or Disney World Resort, or whatever they call it.
12 Dude.
13 First off, it’s Disney World, not Disneyland. That’s the colloquial name for it.
14 Second, it’s in Florida.
15 You have to go there.
16 They have alligators and people who wear funny hats.
17 Disneyland is forty-five minutes away.
18 It’s Disneyland.
19 It’s the original.
20 They have hidden Mickeys.
21 I’m not old enough for a bucket list anyway. I’m still young enough for Disneyland.
22 As I said,the last time I went was the minimum day before Christmas a billion trillion years ago. I had my luggage in a backpack. The bell rang ending school; I strapped on my backpack and my guitar, walked out of YB to a waiting rented car containing my family. It was a luxury Impala, the most comfortable ride ever.
23 I walked up with my backpack and guitar in hand, looked at the trunk, watched as it magically opened, and put my gear in.
24 As soon as I got in, a car stopped at one end of the street, and another at the other end. Car doors slammed, and some gangstas started chirping.
25 One of my daughters, Caitlin or Nicole, can’t remember which, shouted, “Let’s get outta here! They be poppin’!”
26 We were actually pretty scared, because when that happens, it’s a good time to remove yourself from the premises.
27 We bolted. We bounced. We jammed. Whatever we did, it was remove ourselves from the premises swiftly. Within seconds, we found ourselves screaming down the 101.
28 It’s okay for me to say “the 101″ because we were goin’ So-Cal.
29 Those people down there call freeways “the”. When in La-La Land, do as the La-La’s do.
30 With all due respect to any friends in the LA area, I have this built-in disdain for Los Angeles. Can’t help it. I was brainwashed at birth, and baptized a Giants’ fan.
31 Even if a hundred per cent of my trips to LA were always amazing, I still have this thought that it is over-crowded, polluted, fake, and all the rest.
32 I’ve never had a bad time down there. Not once. I have deliberately avoided Dodger Stadium. I once traveled to a Niners/Rams’ game when they were in LA. We won, and I was in my Niner gear chirping away at their fans.
33 Looking back, I was probably lucky to have gotten away with my life.
34 My fondest memories are of times with friends, and of Disneyland.
35 In recent years, I’ve become a bit too complacent.
36 That trip was for the ages. Just me and my family, laughing our asses off all the way down. It was Christmas time, which made it unique. The Haunted House had a Nightmare Before Christmas Theme. My daughter Caitlin knows precisely how to navigate Disneyland so that we could get it all in.
37 As I recall, we were there on a Saturday and Sunday, and on Sunday the place was empty. We were able to ride on Pirates of the Caribbean twice in a row with no waiting. Yo ho! We also did back-to-back Indiana Jones, which inspired me to buy the T000000NDRA, which has become a permanent Disney ride to this minute.
38 Somebody talk me into it.
39 I don’t have time to write as much here as I had hoped.
40 Somebody talk me into it.
41 Peace.
~H~
