January 10, 2012
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The Daily News1 Ah, the Majestic Plastic Bag is now going extinct. So sad, so sad.I have visions of canvas bags lining the freeways by the end of the year. Can this mean the end of billboards as we know them, since they are living advertisers? I wonder what the new bag law in our town is going to do to people's behaviors?
2 Will people put ham leftovers in them and store it in the fridge?
3 Will people have to walk their dogs with canvas bags?
4 I already have accumulated around ten canvas bags because I keep forgetting that plastic bags have been outlawed.
5 Will this make Halliburton go broke? Can this be the spiritual ending to "Dick" Cheney?
6 Will drunks hang out on Story road with cans of Old English hidden in their canvas bags?
7 I used those things on a recent shopping trip, and found that they tend to get bottom heavy.
8 As an avid shopper, I am finding it difficult to purchase enough items. Can this create the end of shopping as we know it?
9 Will we find canvas bags being stabbed by park rangers?
10 Will wildlife start rapping their snouts and beaks around canvas?
11 Will they find their ways into rivers and streams, eventually making their way to the ocean?
12 I'm worried. I don't want them eventually to move to some triangle in the middle of the Pacific and create another country.
13 These are issues, people. Causes.
14 I kid.
15 I'm sort of amazed that I never thought very deeply about plastic bags before. I always goofed on how many we each would individually get on major shopping trips. I'd save them all, naturally, since I have a dog.
16 But beyond that, I never thought of getting radical about plastic bags. That's one issue that didn't escape me; I just honestly never gave it much thought.
17 I had heard about the new law all through December, but it never hit me until I walked out of Safeway with an armload of groceries the other day. I juggled them all the way to the TOOOOOONDRA.
18 Typical American.
19 Anyway, I'm proud of the fact that those things are outlawed. It's nice to see something logical come into law.
20 Here's an amusing "mocumentary" about the extinction of the plastic bag:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLgh9h2ePYw
21 Narrated by Jeremy Irons, it is an amusing bit about a "poor little fellow" who makes his way from the Open Plains of the Asphalt Jungle to his home in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch in the Heart of the Pacific Ocean. Every now an again there is something that just amuses, and this "mocumentary" is a delight.
22 It's called The Majestic Plastic Bag: A Mocumentary. It's worth a click once you're done reading all this folderol. It's right up my alley.
23 Hope you enjoy it.
24 Moving on, Part the First: It appears that I can no longer do things on my computer at school and send it out publicly.
25 Not a bad thing, really, just a bit annoying. I have very little down time these days, and when I do, I sometimes go online and edit the DN, or even cruise Facebook. I have students who can get the DN. In fact, there are many teachers who use Facebook to communicate directly with their students.
26 I don't, although I did use Yahoo and Xanga as my own form of School Loop before School Loop was invented. Eight years ago I had three websites running for my students, one in which I wrote the English lessons and subsequent homework. I knew that technology was WAY behind in schools, and I wanted to be ahead of the pack. Very few teachers had anything remotely resembling a website.
27 We had, and we might still have this thing called Campus Grid, which consisted of low-budget graphics of teachers with apples and pointers, their names, and maybe a lesson. I thought at the time it was a joke.
28 So I made a reasonably good website called YBDrama.com, which is now as extinct as plastic bags. I also had one for our music department AND one for my English classes. That one was straight Xanga, and it is still up, as far as I know.
29 I wasn't too FB savvy until a couple of years ago, but when I first got to EV, several teachers had Facebooks and used them as communication devices for their students.
30 There were HUGE issues about this, with many teachers thinking that teachers on Facebook might mean the end of the world of morality as we know it. Their concept of Facebook was totally distorted, but I decided to stay away from that one. In a way I'm glad, because Facebook is really not a good avenue for parent/teacher/student communications. I like the freedom of Facebook, and not having it directly associated with work in any way.
31 But the sudden inability to access it is probably an issue with teachers who are comfortable with using it as a teaching tool. I like having access to things like Xanga and Facebook because sometimes I would spend ten or fifteen minutes editing my Xanga. This was when I WAS using it for school. The reason I stopped all of that was that the school would block access.
32 Don't get me wrong; I understand the reason. If they leave it open, it looks like we are just goofing around online, and getting paid for it. But back then, I was annoyed, because I wanted to get ahead of the rest of the District in terms of technology, and the blocking of those things made my school websites null and void.
33 But in schools, all things are political.
34 As of a month ago, I was able to go on Facebook and make a quick comment or a stupid pun, and yesterday I tried and it wouldn't let me. I was able to get on Facebook, but it wouldn't let me update my status.
35 I was a little upset; I wasn't sure if it was being blocked by the District or by Facebook, but I had a teacher moment, and was unable to share it with everybody.
36 My daughter Nicole's school allows it, so throughout the day she will go online and share amusing moments that are happening live. I always enjoyed being able to do that. I think people like hearing amusing anecdotes that just happen in the course of the day.
37 I've shared many on Facebook, and I think it is great to share with family and friends. It is especially fun to share with alumni, as well as with current and former colleagues.
38 For example, I have a kid named Kyle in one of my classes. He is a bright lad, but he is sometimes daydreaming. Other times he's a good go-to guy when nobody has the answer to something. He pays careful attention to the lessons, and often knows exactly what to say.
39 Yesterday I was going over some grammar exercises, and I asked if anyone had the answer to number eight.
40 Dead silence. I saw one guy jabbering with his friend, and called on him. He didn't have a clue as to what I was asking, and he marinated for a minute. It was a classic calling out of a guy who wasn't paying attention.
41 Teachers have used that technique forever. When I knew the guy got the message, I looked over the faces of the class.
42 Deer in the headlights.
43 I had to call on someone, so I looked over the room.
44 Kyle knew it was coming; it was just one of those moments.
45 I locked in on him. His face turned a bright red.
46 "Kyle," I said. "What is the answer to number eight?"
47 Dead silence.
48 "Did you hear my question? What is the answer to number eight?"
49 The tension was set. The pressure was on. The silence was agonizingly golden.
50 Kyle paused, relaxed his shoulders and said, "Can I call a friend?"
51 Moments.
52 Well, I think I'll leave that one on your doorstep.
53 Nice way to begin a beautiful day.
54 You have a good one.
55 Peace.
~H~
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