January 6, 2012
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1 How are your resolutions coming along?
2 I never actually made any. I find that once I make a New Year's resolution, I automatically tell myself that it won't last for more than a week.
3 What's funny is that while I don't consciously make them, I still subconsciously make them.
4 I always fear that if I tell people that I am resolved to do things, that I am setting myself up for public disappointment and failure.
5 For example, a few years ago I publicly resolved to lose forty pounds in six months. I took to swimming every single day, and darned if it didn't start to work.
6 I soon realized that it was a slow roll, but I did have a modicum of success. That resolution actually happened in early November, so that I would be forced to live healthily through the holidays.
7 I think I wound up losing around twenty-five pounds, and toned myself better than nearly any time in my life.
8 Naturally there were drawbacks. I swam at the gym, but I found that the pool had people I referred to as "turtles" floating around in the fast lane, which is where I did my workout.
9 It drove me crazy, because if I had the lane to myself, I could concentrate on pacing, and a lazy speed which worked beautifully.
10 But people would hop into that lane, which was supposed to be restricted to people doing laps. I would swerve to avoid them.
11 They would appear through my goggles as shadows.
12 And they would do weird tai-chi moves. In the distortion that is gym pool water, the shadows were Ninja, and I, an intruder. It was just plain eerie.
13 I also found that when I would finish my workout and hit the showers that men don't care what sorts of noises come out of their bodies. Old fat guys would make astoundingly loud noises of hacking, nose-blowing, and yes, er, other frightening sounds that would blow the roof off the gym.
14 Many would hock spit down the drains of the showers. Because of this, I often showered with my sandals on. That world became nightmarish.
15 So while it was all working for me physically, it wasn't working for me mentally.
16 I also noticed that what was left of my hair was turning brittle and garish. I did find some shampoo for swimmers, which was great, but I also found it did nothing to stop the orange fringe that was becoming my remaining hair.
17 Gyms are like huge factories. The gym company also wanted me to commit for eight billion years. I eventually pulled away from doing all that. It was in the dead of winter, and I usually worked out alone.
18 Eventually I left the place. It just got too depressing. Nicoley and I found a really user-friendly gym in Milpitas, one that was a community gym. It looked like part of a school, was run by really nice people, and cost friendly. I worked on an elliptical machine each day, and we loved it.
19 Unfortunately, school started, and it became tougher and tougher to stay up on my schoolwork and try to get there each day. I finally stopped altogether.
20 The trouble with stopping was that it became easy to make excuses for not going back.
21 So I have this on-again, off-again relationship with resolutions.
22 And yet, for the past two days I have had really healthy dinners. I also bought a really nice blender for Christmas so that we could enjoy fruit/veggie smoothies, which I absolutely love.
23 Yesterday was the deadline for grades, and our server dropped all of my students in the morning, so all my grades disappeared for half the day. I had no access to my gradebook. I didn't panic, but that deadline started to really stress me out. I again stayed until well past six, and finished everything, but still didn't get them into the right place. Turns out that the deadline for the right place is today at four.
24 By the time I got home I was on the verge of a heart attack, I swear to you. My entire being said, "Eat a healthy dinner! Drink lots of water! Get some exercise, you lazy bastard!"
25 I decided that I am not going to make any resolutions, because my entire being is helping me do it naturally.
26 After today's deadline, I'm going to re-think ways to diminish paperwork at school, which has been the killer. I intend to enjoy my lessons (I always do) but to create less work for myself. I truly think I need to go back to the pencil gradebook. Relying on computer programs that could wipe out all my hard work for the past four months is looking like a gamble.
27 If a pencil breaks, I just sharpen it, or I make sure that I have several others nearby. The only advantage to putting grades into a computer is that it automatically updates the students' percentages. It also lets the students see my gradebook, or at least the changes I make to their personal grades. If I make the slightest error in calculating their grades, they write emails demanding that I fix the grade immediately. If they don't see me make a few mistakes, I fix them at home, and nobody is worse for the wear and tear.
28 So I'm seriously considering going back to the horse-and-buggy grading system. Going on a public site on the computer was an experiment at the beginning of this year, and it has officially shown me its dark side.
29 So I'm not making any resolutions right now; I'm just beginning to realize that I have the power to completely change my entire lifestyle so that it is more about my health, my family's happiness, and my own well-being.
30 So no resolutions. Just actions. Will I work out again? Given the time. Can I eat more healthily? Already have. Will I give myself more time? Sure is looking like it. Will I resolve to do any of this?
31 Nope.
32 It's already happening. Why doom myself to failure?
33 I'm looking forward to this morning's sunrise.
34 I like new days.
35 So nope. No resolutions.
36 I'll begin with actions, the first of which is getting back to sleep. I have two more hours until I need to get up and look at the sunrise.
37 It will be beautiful, no matter what.
38 Peace.
~H~
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