November 29, 2011
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"The difficult thing with quotes on the internet is verifying them."---Abraham Lincoln
The Daily News1 Ah, truer words, truer words.
2 And someone out there said, "Lincoln said that?"
3 A little tidbit I copped off some internet site or other.
4 Kudos to the author.
5 And so this is Tuesday, and what have you done?
6 I danced on the internet, searched for some puns.
7 Didn't find many, but did find a few.
8 And if you don't mind, I'll share them with you:
9 To wit: The telemarketer asked me if I read magazines at all and I replied that I did, periodically.
10 I've been called a rare commodity. I wonder if that makes me silver or gold? I guess it could be either ore.
11 I work in a sweater factory. It's a very clothes-knit community.
12 The young pine sapling was admonished by his father. Apparently he'd been knotty.
13 Two astronauts who were dating put an end to it because they both needed their space.
14 I'm sorry. Is this torture? Blame a site called Pun-of-the-Day. It gets worse:
15 I had a tough time working as a garbage collector because of miasma.
16 The calf took to bottle feeding because one nipple was as good as an udder. <license to groan>
17 After carelessly plucking her eyelashes while shopping for a corsage, Rose couldn't see the florist because of the tweeze.
18 I'll get out in just a second. I promise.
19 The lawyer had trouble with the fine print on some documents, so his doctor suggested contract lenses.
20 When the diva's vacuum cleaner broke, she refused to use a broom because it wouldn't be Hoover.
21 I thought of doing twenty one, so that I could declare a twenty-one pun salute, but I'm guessing you're already tired of me being a pun-trick pony this morningtide.
22 Hopefully you blew some oatmeal into your coffee.
24 I'd pour myself a glass of red wine, but every time I drink red wine, I end up getting a cab. Speaking of which, I went for a drink with a Matador the other day. I had tea and he had cafe au lait.
25 Okay, okay, there's the door. I'm on my way out. I'm in a big hurry to get out of here anyway. I even scrambled to make eggs this morning.
26 I'll leave you now. It's Tuesday, and you needed something.
27 Hope you had pun.
28 I was in Mi Pueblo yesterday and the grocer asked what I wanted. I thought of the Christmas season and replied, "Peas and hominy."
29 Okay, okay, I'm out the door.
30 Peas.
~H~
