September 6, 2011
-
1 Welcome back! Hope you had a wonderful three-day!
2 It’s just wid coming back on a Tuesday.
3 We have today and THEN a minimum day tomorrow so we could squeeze in some meetings.
4 Seems like we just HAD meetings.
5 Ah, vell.
6 Is it yet time to begin focusing on Halloween?
7 I saw a magazine on the rack a few days ago. It was called “Halloween”. At first I thought, “How absurd! Someone has made a two-month magazine about an annual celebration?” Then I realized it was put out by Woman’s Day.
8 It was funny because I had just mentioned all about how corporate America controls the seasons, and there it was, big as day.
9 I didn’t thumb through it, because I assumed it had cupcake recipes, spooky drinks, and clever costumes you could make on a dime.
10 Sugar and textiles are big industries, just for the record.
11 Well, to me it’s still too early. I have enough things to scare me on a daily basis, so I’ll hold off a bit on Halloween, even though I do enjoy it.
12 Moving on, Part the First: Odd times. I will reiterate that this time of the year is strange and eerie. Muggy, smoggy weather and what seems like long days really stretch reality into a sort of hazy sepia landscape with long, odd shadows.
13 When there is time off, it really stretches things and all. Last year, we had the bizarre orange-and-black circus to occupy our time. Even non-Giants’ fans looked at that premature Halloween party and stared. To me it was a constant celebration and constant fun taken to a new level.
14 To the non-Giants’ fan, I can only guess it was a horror show.
15 Not to worry this year. I think the thing is going away. The cockiness, the thongs, the beards, the Machine, all suddenly resembling some quirky orange-and-black Vonnegut story.
16 The last thing any sports’ fan wants is never to win a championship. The second-to-the last thing a sports’ fan wants is a team that wins a championship on steroids. The third-to-the last thing a sports’ fan wants is to see his/her team being looked at as an international flash-in-the pan.
17 Hubris, I imagine, is best served cold.
18 Moving on, Part Two: And so this is Tuesday. The week simply shouldn’t begin on a Tuesday. People who have followed this ridiculousness understand my mini-campaign against Tuesdays. If you were born on a Tuesday, I apologize. But to me, it is a day that could be eliminated as a day of the week.
19 If it were, we’d be starting this week on a Wednesday, and it would almost be the weekend again. Not that I’m against working, but I am against going into work strung out after a weekend. Mondays are for doing that.
20 Mondays are the weekend’s doormat to the new week. We wipe our feet on it, hang up a coat, drag ourselves to coffee if we drink coffee, and scrape through the day. I generally say, “Fly low” on a Monday.
21 In general, Mondays tend to disappear pretty rapidly, because NOBODY who is serious about anything goes balls-to-the wall on Monday.
22
??????????
23 Military term. I’m innocent.
24 And for the first time in DN history, I will use Urban Dictionary as a source:
Balls-to-the Wall:
Originally a military term for pushing G-forces in a jetliner aircraft, as in pushing the ball of a throttle as high as it will go (virtually touching the wall of the dashboard.)
25 Hey, it’s from the infamous Urban Dictionary, a top-notch research lexicon of horror and belly laughs.
26 It’s almost TOO easy, so I have deliberately left it off the DN, even though I’ve admittedly had a laugh or two taking a peek. But even the good ol’ rebel DN has its standards, and I do like to keep this as a cutting-edge family show.
27 <snicker, snicker!>
28 Ah, c’mon, lighten up. It’s Tuesday! The kiddies are off in school, and the only people reading this drivel are people who like to sip coffee until some item causes the coffee to go through their eys and out their nostrils.
29 Otherwise find something else to offend you. There’s plenty out there, beginning with teen-age boys’ who wear pants about a half foot above their knobby knees.
30 I always thought the look was somehow mysteriously connected with large baseball hats being worn cock-eyed. And ironed, over-sized tee shirts with crisp creases.
31 I’m thinking of trading in my OG zoot suit and sporting a more casual approach myself.
32 Oh, the image! Are your eyes yet burning?
33 Just kidding. I’ll stay with the jeans that are too big and hang off me, shirt buttoned so tight that my head goes lightbulb, old crooked tie, leather jacket, and Indiana Jones’ hat.
34 When you got it, flaunt it.
35 Moving on, Part the Third: The only reason we’re moving on to Part the Third is that Part the Second needed an escape clause. Have I talked enough that it’s time to go to the fridge and pull out that last cupcake that is clinging to an old pan?
36 Methinks.
37 On Friday it was some kid’s birthday in my fifth-period class, which at EV is just before lunch. A girl came in with a pan of cupcakes and some chocolate frosting on the side. She walked right up to my desk, put the tray in front of me and offered me a cupcake. Somehow they were fresh out of the oven.
38 What a ruse. And I was starving! It worked ridiculously! I smiled at the kind offer, and took the cupcake, no frosting.
39 Within a half minute, the birthday boy’s desk swarmed with students. The room instantly became a frosted hive of high-fives, braces and cake. I laughed knowing I had been duped. The kids, of course, LOVED it, because they could a) stall the beginning of class, and b) eat sugar.
40 Well, it WAS Friday, and it WAS the kid’s birthday. My only hesitation is that EVERY day is SOME kid’s birthday. That’s why I never sing happy birthday to kids. If they want to, it’s fine, but from a teaching perspective I know the odds of it being someone’s birthday on any given day. Pretty high.
41 Class sizes are now up around 35, so the odds of it being someone’s birthday are pretty good. We often have two birthdays going on, maybe a two-day hiatus,and then someone else turning up with cupcakes and balloons.
42 This was the same day that a girl in my third period class offered me my first Nuttella. She had ALREADY dipped it in chocolate frosting,so I bit into what seemed like a toasted matchstick with chocolate. I’m pretty sure the two incidents were unrelated, but I did call the police to investigate.
43 Wasn’t doughnuts.
44 No luck.
45 Anyway, I’m hoping that the weekend erased all memory of the precedents I allowed to happen on Friday. As a teacher, I need to monitor those things. Sugar. Bad teacher. Eating in class. Still worse. SO many issues. Health. Teeth. Kids who don’t get in on the deal. Overweight rodents. You get the drift. You can’t have cupcakes. That simple. You can’t even ESTABLISH cupcakes.
46 Unless it’s the Friday of a three-day. Or unless it’s some sugary holiday, and which holiday isn’t? Or a birthday party for a kid who is all ears and braces.
47 So looks like I’m going in on a Tuesday, balls-clearly-not to the wall, and I really think I’ll tiptoe through the entire day and avoid the radar.
48 Have a lovely re-entry.
49 Fly low.
50 Holla.
51 Peace.
~H~
