April 11, 2011
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A Virtual Musical!!!
1 So I went to one of my fave places yesterday.
2 Everybody had something to do 'cept me, a rare thing, and a gorgeous thing.
3 It was then that opportunity knocked.
4 I spent the morning yard-sailing, which is always a rare treat. Found a lady who started all sorts of flowers and plants from seed, and was selling them for two dollars a pot. They all looked organically stronger than nearly anything I could see in the stores, so I bought me a bunch of beautiful flowers and herbs.
5 And I had time.
6 For once in my life, I had time.
7 I just cruised the town, despite my gas boycott. Didn't go far, didn't really care where I was going. I just went.
8 I wound up at this curious place buried behind north 680 right off Calaveras Blvd in Milpitas.
9 I KNOW, I KNOW, sounds boring, but it really wasn't.
10 It's called Fiesta Plaza, and it is a dive. It's just about two scissors' steps east of Cal-Skate, so you should immediately get the pic.
11 Fiesta Plaza is a bit of a run-down shopping center featuring a liquor store, a weedy parking lot, and bent poles.
12 It's claim to fame is a beat-up old Savers thrift store, which I decided to visit simply because I was in a yard-sailin' mood.
13 It was my personal quest for a rusty holy grail. Could I find a picture frame worthy of reconstruction? Could I find a small refridge for my classroom? Perhaps an antique vase?
14 I parked way away from the front, because I had already purchased a bunch of flowers and herbs, and I didn't want anyone to run off with them. Plus, the T000000NDRA doesn't like the trend of parking lots having 90 degree parking places.
15 Who thought of THAT anyway?
16 I have to think body shops were somehow in on that trend.
17 <sigh> The conspiracy of idiocy continues, and is relentless.
18 The dog just farted. Yeesh.
19 Where was I? Holy stinking God.
20 Oh yeah.
21 Savers, ironically.
22 Well! Little did I know that the Savers off Calaveras has fixed itself up. The new manager had everything displayed better, had a coupon greeter meet me at the door with some sort of sales handout, and had music blaring from some old schoo stay-reo blasting back-to-back versions of Lionel Ritchie's All Night Long.
23 Despite all that, I still went in.
24 Turns out the second "back" was a karaoke cover with excessive reverb. This middle-aged Filipino lady was bringin' it. I thought I was in some sort of surreal musical.
25 I looked at low-budget stay-reos and awaited the entire store going into some sort of high-end musical number.
26 They had these strange little shopping carts that looked like large shopping baskets that transformed into lowrider shopping carts. I kid you not. I thought it was brilliant. Each had two handles; one that was a shopping basket handle, the other that lifted up to belt level, converting the thing into a shopping cart.
27 They were brand new, and red.
28 And the gal singing was bringing it, in a distant, mystical sort of way. It was hilarious. I wanted to start dancing. I pictured Gene Kelley with these props going into a dance.
29 "I'm SHOPPIN' in the store, just shoppin' in the store.." Only instead of an offshoot of Singin' in the Rain, I pictured all the stuff in the store lifting and floating around to this odd cover of a Lionel Ritchie song.
30 I have to get out more.
31 AnywayZ...
32 I cruised all the low-budget stuff, but the store had a scent of newness you don't see too often in a thrift store, especially Savers, which traditionally was the lowest of the low-budget.
33 Drama people LOVE thrift stores btw, because anything can be turned into beauty on a dime. When the horns came in, I almost began a soft shoe.
34 I eventually moved over to the tie racks, and lo!
35 They had a rare collection of decent ties for $2.99 each.
36 At Macy's, ties are now thirty to sixty dollars, I swear to you.
37 I checked them for unraveling, for wrinkles, for tears, etc. I found around seven or eight that were perfect for...uh...revamping.
38 Nah, I actually figure that nobody notices ties on men too much, unless they are super rich bastards or politicians, and who likes them anyway?
39 I have always publicly maintained that at my point in life, I don't want to look good, I just want to avoid looking bad. Any tie, if done right, will prevent that, no matter how slight.
40 The music played, and I bought a bunch of ridiculous stuff that I could stain, paint, and dry clean. The artist in me went wild! I looked at coats, hats, furniture, paintings, and electronics. You can make treasures out of trash, and that was my mish, and my wish!
41 The manager kept going on the karaoke mic announcing discounts and fun for anyone who would sing!
42 I swear to you I was in the most low-budget musical EVER!
43 I finally got to the counter and the clerk was a dead-ringer for Smokey Robinson.
44 He wore this porkpie hat, had a devil smile, and a super-deep voice.
45 And dude had GAME. I had my Giants' world series hat on, and he said in this amazingly bassy voice, "I like thems Giants. You sing?"
46 I was taken aback.
47 "You sing man? You LOOK like you sing!"
48 I mumbled, "Uh...a little, yeah."
49 "What kinda stuff you sing?" He put two awesome ties into a bag.
50 "Well, all sorts of things."
51 "You like Engelbert Humperdinck? You like 'My Way'?"
52 Jesu Christi.
53 I said, "I do a little Sinatra."
54 "Why don't you go to the mic and sing?"
55
56 "Nah, it's coo man. I just want to get out and enjoy the sun."
57 "You shore? You look like a singa, man."
58 "Maybe next week dude," I replied, and almost believed myself.
59 "Okay, we'll see you then." I sort of gathered my purchases and threw a parting shot like, "Uh, yeah, sure, see you then dude." And I left.
60 So looks like I finally got a gig.
61 I walked out feeling a bit like Lana Turner.
62 I got home and when Helene arrived I had the ties laid out on a table.
63 She had been shopping at the Loft in Burlingame with my daughter Nicole, and they came home with all this cool, elegant stuff. I pointed to my ties and said, "I got these at Macy's!" She looked amazed, because let's face it: I'm not a Macy's sort of guy.
64 She said, "YOU went to MACY'S?" And then she looked and said, "You didn't go to Macy's!"
65 Foiled!
66 AnywayZ...
67 I'm pretty sure I have a gig next week at like noon at Saver's, so if you're not doing anything, bring a posse. It'll knock your socks off. You can just imagine.
68 That's about it for a Monday. I caint take no more.
69 You guys fly low. This entire DN was boushit from the start to the finish.
70 Hope you had a bit of a chuck.
71 Peace.
~H~
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