February 8, 2011
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Goodbye
The Daily News
1 Tuesday. ALWAYS a dangerous day.
2 I shall continue my campaign of one to an audience of one <me> to eliminate Tuesday as a day of the week.
3 Reasons: many.
4 Wherewithal: none.
5 It’s just that everyone knows that Mondays ruin Sundays. That’s a given.
6 But most people are of the attitude that they won’t allow that, that friends and family and our own lives are more important than whatever it is we get up each day to face.
7 So Mondays are the red-headed stepchild of weekdays. Mondays need to be spanked and sent to the corner for trying to turn us into psychopaths.
8 That’s a GIVEN. The only people who like Mondays are the same people who are overly optimistic about everything.
9 The musical name for that is cockeyed optimists.
10 I’m reasonably there, because I do believe in thinking positively about most things.
11 But Tuesdays need strength.
12 Life has forced me to become healthier, wealthier, and wiser by going to bed early and waking up reasonably early, by eating right, and even by doing exercise.
13 And I finally gave in to Sundays. I spend hours on Sundays planning my Mondays and THEN going to bed early so that I don’t go into that Monday morning heroin withdrawal that most people experience.
14 I go into Mondays tanned, rested, and ready. It’s a sacrifice, but one that I’m ready to make. It’s like Mondays are gameday to me.
15 The trouble is that Tuesdays are sneakier, and know full well that most people sneak past Mondays by flying low.
16 Tuesdays lie in the weeds, waiting to strike when you least expect it.
17 Tuesdays KNOW you had better be on your game. No “Hump Day” status; no “weekends begin on Thursday night” status.
18 They are evil incarnate.
19 Mondays can be forgiven.
20 But Tuesdays are the days that you had better be awake and alive, or you will get gobbled up.
21 I’m reasonably ready for today.
22 I wrote an entire DN yesterday already, but it required a little research, and by the time I started researching, it was time for bed.
23 So already I’m unprepared for Tuesday.
24 I went to bed early, as I have been lately, but woke up at 1:30 a.m. after around four-and-a half hours of sleep. Not bad, not bad at all.
25 I had to throw away around twenty-five DN items already written.
26 Well, I had to put them on the back burner. They’re fun, but as I said, need some accurate reporting.
27 I usually throw an outline out there for this boushit and fix it up and make it purty in the middle of the night. Takes maybe an hour or two, but it’s relaxingly fun.
28 But yesterday I thought I had all my facts, and things switched up a bit, and I saw that it would take a couple of hours of fact-finding to make that one work.
29 So last night at around 1:30 a.m. I woke up with a blank tablet, which is fine except that when I turned on my computer, it wouldn’t connect to the internet.
30 I relaxed, let the dog out, had a cup of chocolate, and had patience at the plate.
31 It worked. The dog will now go back to sleep for the night, and I got this one off.
32 And all I thought about was how Tuesdays strike sneakily and swiftly. An hour-and-a half in, and it was a rattlesnake.
33 But I was ready; I was Indiana Jones, the guy who tries to impersonate me.
34
35 AnywayZ…
36 I stayed after school yesterday preparing, so I’m pretty ready for today. It’s not as brutal as it sounds, because I love my job.
37 But for people who don’t, I again campaign to eliminate Tuesday as a day of the week. It’s a never-ending campaign, and it’s for the people.
38 It’s almost 2:30 a.m. as I write.
39 Isn’t that when we should have dentist appointments? Tooth hurty?
40 Okay, okay, I tried to slip one past. Here, have a groan grenade.
41 I’m goin’ to bed.
42 After all, it’s Tuesday, and somehow I’m gonna need to muscle this one to the ground.
43 You guys have a good one, but think about what life would be if today were Wednesday instead.
44 Just sayin’…
45 Peace.
~H~
