January 31, 2011
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The Daily News
1 So...on FRIDEEEEEE I got off work pretty early.
2 Lately, I have been all over the place, like Mr. Chau.
3 I drifted to some Rite-Aid to pick up a couple of things, and wound up with around a bilion dollars worth of boushit.
4 Clearly out of my head stupid, as we've all been.
5 My mission, I think, was to get some coffee creamer, and then go home.
7 <basketball buzzer loud>
8 Somehow, I had brought to the check stand almost fifty dollars of boushit.
9 I KNOW, I KNOW!
10 But with worryin' about Dad, and gradiing bazillions of papers, I lost all sense of normalcy.
11 AnywayZ...
12 I wound up with fifty dollars of boushit, much of which were stress purchases and impulse buys.
13 Like, did I really NEED multi-colored paper clips?
14 Who knows.
15 AnywayZ again...
16 I approached the check-out person with all this boushit.
17 She began zinging my purchases through the checkout treadmill when I began yet another hallucination.
18 Suddenly, Hey Bit Spender from Sweet Charity began playing right in front of my nose. It was LOUD, and certainly not a figment of my frabjous imagination.
19 Now I was blasted, mind you, from heroic efforts all week to enlighten my students with books and books of The Odyssey, so much so that my mind was still there.
20 Yet all "on the sudden", Hey Big Spender blasted through my being.
21 I looked up.
22 I looked down.
23 I looked for store speakers.
24 Nothing.
25 And yet I heard it, and wondered if I had finally flipped. I wondered if everyone else could hear it.
26 I finished paying, and proceeded out the door.
27 The song persisted. I stood amazed, looked up at the stars, and then back down to this drunk fellow who lingered near an adjacent liquor store.
28 I thought I had finally gone alzy.
29 I FINALLY got logical.
30 For the record, I'm not used to modrin technology.
31 But when I realized that music suddenly had emitted from my left breast pocket, I decided to investigate.
32 It was then that I realized that in some mysterious way, my iPhone was the culprit!
33 To my credit, I've never kept a phone anywhere but in my pants' pocket, so this was something new. And this was around 5:30 on a Friday afternoon. I hadn't even gone home yet.
34 Second, in order for the iPod on my phone to work, I have to turn the phone on, touch a button that brings up my screen, touch the icon, find the song, and then touch the phone again so that it will play.
35 It's a series of moves.
36 That happened to me last week when I couldn't play a CD for my class because I had left my iPod deck at home. While looking around for a microphone, my phone played some other exotic music, and this was in front of an entire class.
37 I had an amp, and my laptop already was amped to some reasonably good Altec speakers, but the CD just couldn't get loud enough. So I pulled out an small Peavey amp that I have in my room, and looked for my mic, which is always right behind me in a cubby. It was gone. Frantically I began a series of searches, all of which must have looked ridiculous to the students.
38 And right in the middle of all of this, my iPhone started playing some weird music, quite loud enough for the class to witness.
39 I realized too late that it was my phone, but I was more worried about having five classes and no lesson plan.
40 I finally grabbed a book and read the stuff aloud, all of which was in one of my DN's from last week.
41 So it happened again on Friday afternoon.
42 I laughed because of the coincidence of spending around twenty times the amount of money that I originally thought I was going to spend, and Hey Big Spender came on.
43 It turns out that the iPhone 4 does that. It's a glitch. I looked it up online, being the logical person I believe I am. No hallucination, just a glitch that they are trying to fix, I guess. You shouldn't do things like that to people who have had odd things happening for the past month. Or maybe you should. Probably just the Agency messing with me.
44 Sidebar: As with everything in life, whenever you really need to find something you misplace, it appears the second you no longer need it.
45 Absolute Truth.
46 Yesterday I was looking around for a movie, and couldn't find it if I pulled my entire house down. But when I went to the garage, I moved one box and found the microphone AND the guitar cord attached to it with a 1/8" adapter, the EXACTthing I needed last Wednesday!
47 I did walk in and find the movie, so some things DO work.
48 And right back to it: So I'm now all ready for Monday.
49 If I could only find my keys...
50 You guys have a great day.
51 Fly low.
52 Peace.
~H~
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