The Daily News

1   So…Bob Feller walks into a bar.

2   Iowa farm boy whose parents built him a stadium, complete with scoreboard, when he was a kid.

3   Can you even begin to imagine?

4   He completely skipped the minors, and in July of 1936 at the age of 17, joined the Cleveland Indians as the youngest pitcher in baseball history.

5   He pitched three no-hitters and twelve one-hitters in a career that spanned twenty years. He was one of the only pitchers ever to have struck out his age, striking out seventeen when he was 17 years-old.

6   As I listened to reports coming in about Feller’s bout with both leukemia and pneumonia in the past week, I was amazed that nobody had made a major film about him. Yesterday I heard he had been put in hospice, so this was reasonably expected. As most people say, “But still…”

7   It was once reported that he threw a pitch over 107 mph.

8   Amazing.

9   That team up there just got immeasurably stronger.

10  I’m convinced that baseball was invented in heaven. It is just the Earth that corrupted it, up until this past season.

11  ;  ) <———-sideways winky guy, making his appearance two days in a row.

12  Moving on, Part the First: I slept through the night last night, which gives me bragging rights to nine hours of sleep. That’s the good news.

13   The bad news is that I didn’t have a chance to work on the DN at around 1 a.m., which I have been able to do perfectly for the past month.

14   I’ve actually been going to bed early so that if I do awaken in the middle of the night, I have already banked some healthy sleep hours.

15   It’s worked famously for a while now, and I’ve gone into the classroom fresh as the proverbial daisy each day.

16   And the thing is, I still woke up a little early and got up so that I could get on this, but I had one of those mornings when it seems like virtually everything slowed me down a bit.

17   No details, because it happens to all of us. Just normal stuff.

18   But I got on this anyway, and began tacking away as swiftly as possible.

19   About fifteen minutes in, my computer completely shut down for “configuration of updates” or some blue-screen nightmare.

20  So it skipped and danced around for around ten minutes, then shut-down. When it came back up, the DN was wiped out, like words in the ocean sand.

21  I had some nice things written, but they’ll probably have to wait ’til tomorrow.

22  I ain’t trippin’.

24   You guys have a great day.

25   I’m out the door.

27   The funny thing is, I was having a GREAT morning with the students. This is probably my best academic class today, so everything was happening on their final. They are a class of writers, so they actually enjoy the final. The worst part about it is that they get arm cramps from so much writing. Otherwise these guys looked pretty pumped at some of the topics, as well as the creative freedom I give them.

28  I quietly slipped on some Bach fugues, and right after I did, a girl said, “Mr. Harrington, could we have some music?”

29  I said, “Sure. Here.” And the music was already playing. It was THAT sort of morning. Still is, except for trying to launch this silly thing.

30  Each time I tried to access pictures, Internet Explorer wouldn’t let me. When I finally attempted to bypass and try a simple copy and paste, it forbade it, with a loud “clunk” that the class heard.

31  I said, “Sorry.”

32  I tried again. Another loud clunk, followed by me saying, “Sorry again.”

33  I tried a third time to hit the X button. Another loud clunk.

34  I said, “Sorry a third time.”  Chuckles.

35  I finally switched to Mozilla, and it now seems to be cooperating. Those two switch of doing this to me, almost every other day.

36  Things are going smoothly now, but it took an hour-ten to get the finals out, answer all the questions, and then mess around with the DN.

37  But as stated earlier, I ain’t trippin’.

38  I think it’s safe to say that this edition of the DN is going to land safely on your doorstep.

39  So have a great day. I don’t believe in bad days, just bad moments that happen and then are gone. Everything is already better, and the students were just rocking this morning. So was I, so it all works out.

40  That’s about it.

41   Let’s just call this a miracle DN and be on with it.

42   Have a wonderful day!

43   Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

The Daily News

1   There’s a great deal to be said for imperfection.

2    Two days in a row the fonts for the DN started jumping in all directions. You’d think that by 2010 we’d have all of this boushit straightened out, but nah, nah, nah.

3   Another case in point: I have yet to hand out a handout that doesn’t contain at least one error, no matter HOW carefully I edit. It’s become a ritual with my students. They now edit my stuff just to see the error.

4    Every single day I find an error in the DN, even though I try to edit it at least three times. I find misspellings, ridiculousness in numbering, and font issues. Every single day.

5   A part of me cares, because I take pride in working hard at everything I do.

6   Another part of me celebrates, because we are not perfect. None of us.

7   The Greeks knew that and fashioned gods after the concept.

8   I also try to be a good role model, which I think I am. And I think the secret to being good at anything is to avoid pretentiousness. We are not perfect. Certainly not this Old Brown Shoe.

9   Do I get played as a result?

10  Constantly.

11  Does it ever bother me?

12  Sometimes. I won’t even lie.

13  Haha.

14   That’s the “sincere guy” chant nowadays.

15   “I won’t even lie.” Translation: “I lie all the time, but THIS time I ain’t lying, because it is sincerely from the heart.” There’s a guy you can trust.

16  Anyway, I get played up and down, in and out, constantly.

17  But I refuse to stray from who I am. I own imperfections, and I own up to them.

18  I’m also brutally true to myself, and I hope to others.

19  When I say “I” by the way, I’m usually bringing into the mix a whole bunch of others who say, “Hey, I’m like that too!”

20   I learned at a very early age that pretty much anything that happens to me, or any feelings I have inside have also happened to billions of others.

21  One of the most important things to learn in this life is to avoid perfection.

22   I’ve lost what I thought were dear friends who took perfection a bit too seriously. As far as I know, I’ve never given up on a friend.

23   But I have had people in my life who felt that they were a bit too perfect, and who left my life for no other reason.

24   Too bad about sorrows now, innit?

25   Moving on, Part the First: So like the little greedy kid I am, I got home early yesterday so I could play with my new toy, an iPhone 4, which I am barely getting to know.

26   I’ve always enjoyed photography, so I wanted to experiment around with pictures. I bought a camera just this past year, but rarely use it. But I have always seen the art in photography, even when I was real small.

27  “real small”, btw, is imperfect, but who on this planet would say, “really small” without sounding pretentiously like a perfectionist?

28   AnywayZ…

29   So I thought about taking a few pictures on the way home from school yesterday. I pulled off the road a coupla times and snapped things, but it began raining. I decided that I probably should not take pictures in the rain with the iPhone 4, for fear of electrocution.

30   So I went home and thought I might take some pictures of myself, just to experiment with shadow, light, color, and an awesome model.

31   Whew.

32   Talk about imperfection! The shadows were too dark, the light was too bright, the color was true but not captured, and the model?

33   Let’s NOT talk about imperfection.

34   Well, I found out how to shitcan bad photos pretty swiftly. At least something came of the experiment. And the iPhone has a sense of humor. It throws the picture into a trash can, and it disappears like a t00n.

35   My next test is to see how to get the pictures I take with my phone on to my computer. I assume I use a USB cable, but I understand that somehow I have to make iTunes my mother picture-capturer and media center.

36   But I’ve managed pictures for years, and never had to switch it out. I am a bit put off by that, but then, when you’re dealing with Steve Jobs, you’re evidently going to be put out. I haven’t read a lot of good about the guy.

37   Anyway, it was sort of fun walking around the house and yard taking different shots at different angles in different light.

38   Why didn’t I take pics of other things? I have, and I’m good at that. What I’ve always been weak at is taking pics of people, especially indoors.

39   So I’m having a LOT of fun immersing myself in imperfection.

40   I love that I’m imperfect.

41   I almost think it is the secret to one’s survival, especially if one can keep one’s imperfection out in one’s public. I think one could live one’s life better for one. ; ) <—-sideways winky guy one line up.

42   I actually get sentences like that turned in to me.

43   AnywayZ…

44   It’s “anyway” you imperfect fool. And you overused it. Shame on you. And yes, all those “ones” in item forty-one were deliberately overused.

45   I think I’m going to put my imperfectly perfect self to bed for the night.

46   Finals.

47   Imperfect.

48   Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

 The Daily News

1   So here’s some wonderful news.

2   I swear to you.

3   And I love it!

4   Let me begin with yesterday. Yesterday, I came home proud that I had beat down the entire planet with all the grading and stuff I have put in to nail this first semester.

5    Somehow, through massive work and effort, I finally caught up with everything I could possibly catch up with.

6    At least in my work world.

7    I came home and celebrated like crazy. I made an simple dinner, had two glasses of chocolate milk, and took my shoes off.

8   At around eight, I settled in to writing the DN. I felt like Santa Claus. Not a creature was stirring.

9   I relaxed, began writing, when suddenly…

10  Fonts started changing to huge Comic Sans fonts, and nothing worked properly. The letters came alive and started having swordfights with each other. Well, not THAT bad, but sizes and styles of fonts kept changing for no apparent reason. It was like my computer suddenly got buzzed on catnip.

11  Ya gotta love computers.

12   So I did what I usually do in situations like that.

13   I tried to change things, and when met with still more font wars, fell asleep at the computer mid-DN. I just wasn’t ready to deal with it.

14   Happens.

15   But I awakened a few hours later only to find that nothing had changed. I still had a step up on my week, but the DN was still empty of pertinent items.

16   I started a new one, but the fonts STILL kept jumping around.

17   As I tap out these words, I’m still experiencing weird font wars and buffering, and all the rest.

18   I decided to pull back, and had the good sense to hit my emails and Facebook and all.

19   In the midst of this, an actual WAY cool email danced across my screen.

20   It was a notification from Ponch.

21   I’ll bet by now you’ve guessed what was in it.

22   He wrote that he had news that is now officially public.

23   It was a GREAT email and… ah, I’ll let him announce it. Here’s his email; it was sent to The Goof-Off Club, of which I am the flounding father. Here go:

Like Cabal I am surrounded by wimins!  It’s all good! I know I don’t stand a chance, but I’ll give it my best shot.

24   Now I knew this already for several months, but I had no idea whether or not he had told me it was okay to announce. Cabal, by the way, is one of my CIA handles.

25   Anyway, he had no idea if he had told any of us either.

26   That’s life in the twenty-first century, ain’t it?

27    It totally made my night.

28   Awesome!

29   The very beautiful and wonderful Vicki Ponticelli is pregnant with a baby girl, and she is due in late February!

30   How cool is THAT?

31   And HE will now be surrounded by still more wimminz!

32   And SHOES. Been there pal.

33   Last night he reminded me, and all me loved ones, and I wrote back asking if it was okay to send it out to all of you.

34   He wrote back and said that it was quite okay. Heck, he probably told me a month ago, but I got way overloaded with grading papers and all. It’s lightened considerably in the past week, because I didn’t want to spend Christmas wrestling with all of that.

35    So I am now officially happy to bring this news to all the DN crowd!

36    And it was so nice to blast through all the weird font stuff and to bring a miracle to the DN.

37   So there ya go!

38   Congrats to my best buddy, and to his beautiful wife!

39   Love you guys!

40   That’s the only news today. Can anything top that?

41   Ah, nope!

42   Even though I already knew this, it is still an absolute miracle, and a wonderful thing to share with the world.

43   Lovely, powerful news!

44   Good luck to my best friend and his lovely wife!

45    May you have years of happiness. Best news ever!

46    And may you share this with all your friends, and to your expanded family:

47    Live life.

48    Love life. There is no other news, and there is no better news to share. That is going to be a beaufiful child.

49    A princess is on the horizon.

50    Raise the roof.

51    I’m lovin’ it, and that I can officially share it with the world!

52    Congratulations to the best people I know. There is no better news out there. I’m lovin’ it.

53     Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

The Daily News

1   So…Latoya is now following me on Twitter.

2   I knew that in some way I was trending up lately, but really?

3   I don’t even know ANYONE named Latoya, never have.

4   So that could only mean ONE Latoya.

5   Folks, I’m flattered.

6   Moving on, Part One: The day before yesterday, as I was in the process of stumbling through Target, this sales guy sold me an iPhone 4.

7   I think that’s what it’s called.

8   If you know me, you know I’m not a hoity-toity sort of guy, especially in the technological world. I’m not cheap, mind you, but I’m also not a guy into buying the very best of everything so people think I’m cool.

9   I prefer just being genuinely cool.

10  Just kidding.

11   I said “Just kidding” because you don’t want to go around telling people you’re cool.

12  But seriously?

13  I don’t buy things so that people think I’m cool. That’s been a rule of mine for years.

14   My Mom didn’t raise me that way.

15   So I seldom buy things to show off. My house is small and humble, I’ve been driving the TOOOOOONDRA now for around eight years. I bought it for the purposes of practicality: it’s a workhorse, and a comfortable, wonderful Disney ride.

16   I seldom eat lunch in expensive restaurants. If I do go for lunch, I hit a place that sells steaming bowls of Pho.

17   Pho is now my favorite lunch, especially this time of year.

18   AnywayZ…

19   Yesterday I decided to buy the top-of-the-line cell phone. I was in Target for some cat food when I heard bells, like an old-skool land phone. I suddenly realized that it was my own cell phone, which my daughter Caitlin bought for me a few years ago off Amazon because my other cell phone finally bought the farm.

20  This one was a work horse, but would cut out all the time, no matter where I was. It had scratches, no internet access, and no camera or anything. Still, it was my security blanket. It was my ticket to the rest of the world. So I loved it, in all it’s scratchiness.

21  After years of dropped calls, lousy texting, and loss of friends, I finally got something that is extremely nice. I still owe Caitlin sixteen bucks and a lot of hugs for that old phone, but it’s time had come. I need to step into the twenty-first century. So I got this top-of-the line iPhone 4. Here it is, in all its glory:

22  Having been raised Catholic, I feel I don’t deserve it.

23  I’m a bad boy; I don’t deserve anything.

24  That’s a Catholic upbringing, in my eyes. Honestly. I never went too stylish as a kid, and as an adult, never felt the need for too many material things. A large part of me likes that, in a giving sort of way.

25  So yeah.

26   The iPhone 4 is atomic. It does EVERYTHING except blend drinks, and I think that’s only because I can’t find the app.

27   But I love that I’m now cool enough to drop cool words like “app”.

28    New cool words. I sold sports clothing and memorabilia for years, and made some pretty clean money in the process, since it was commission sales, and began at twenty per cent during the heyday of stadium rock concerts.

29  I realize that the business of selling clothes has a really cool handle now: “merch”.

30  While I got rich doing this stuff, I never once heard the word “merch”. Not once.

31  Well, rich is all relative. I used to make around $1500 to $2000 per concert.

32   We were told never to tell anyone, or our percentage might drop.

33  Amazing money.

34  Unfortunately, it was when I was younger, so the money sort of drifted in, and went out in style. I once made almost $2300 at a Stones’ concert. This was YEARS ago, so you can’t even imagine, and they paid us in cash! On the way home from a grueling two ten-hour days, I stopped at a flower stand, bought around six or seven bouquets of roses, and then decorated them with fifty dollar and hundred dollar bills, using single dollars for ornaments, put them all around our apartment, and planted Rolling Stones album covers at various spots. Talk about a celebration!  Got me some satisfaction!

35  The following day I went into a store, listened to an awesome stereo, easily worth $1500, and told the guy I would take it if he would give it to me for $900.

36  He laughed, looking at me as some poor guy off the street or something.

37   I reached in my wallet, and pulled out $900. His eyes popped out and his pants fell down.

38  Within seconds, I had two stock boys loading that amazing unit into my car.

39  Everybody’s dream.

40  “Merch”. Indeed.

41   Like everything else, those days calmed down. I made fortunes off such awesome bands as Pink Floyd, Foreigner, Journey, The Rolling Stones, The Who, GreenDay, Santana, Metallica, Bruce Springsteen, New Kids on the Block, Wham!, U2, and nearly anyone else on the rock scene.

42   I also spent it on life.

43   I’m much more careful about money these days, but yeesh.

44  I honestly don’t know what I spent it on though. I never really had a great car, television, house, etc. Somehow the money came and went. I suspect a LOT went to teaching and shows, however. It was always easier to buy stuff and then try to get reimbursed.

45  I seldom would get back the money I would put into the shows. It just came off taxes.

46  Anyway, the new phone is a lark, but it’s also pretty complicated to a guy who is into simplicity.

47  Like I pushed one of the “apps” and my refrigerator door opened. Bach began playing, and a martini was on the top shelf, complete with simple tini glass and olive.

48   It looks like this thing is the real deal. I tried taking pictures with it, but I honestly couldn’t figure out how. I pushed some button, and the picture on the LCD screen circled closed like the ending of a Chaplin film.

49   I spent half my life yesterday trying to “synch” the thing with my iTunes. Took me a while to get the hang of it. I also had to load in all my phone numbers. I almost called about a hundred people, but decided most people couldn’t care less that you got a new phone.

50  It’s a big deal to me, I imagine, because I never had something this elaborate before. Today everyone seems to have Blackberries and stuff, so even though I’ve been reasonably computer savvy over the years, I’m pretty far behind when it comes to Twittering, texting, AIM (which I hate) and all the rest.

51  But I’m ready for the world now.

52  Anyway, if Latoya heard about it and started following me on Twitter, then I am flattered, dude. I got on Twitter last year at some point, saw that it was like walking through empty metal corridors, and decided it wasn’t my scene.

53  I totally don’t “get” Twitter. It’s just weird to me. You follow people, or they follow you. As I said, not my scene.

54  Well, I guess that’s the news. I have hot, famous stars following me around all of a sudden, and I feel like a millionaire for the first time in my life.

55  I’m not so certain I like it, but we’ll see.

56  Anyway, before I zip outta here, I want to wish all the students out there a TON of luck on their finals. I keep up with stuff, and I am really proud of so many of you who have been busting your asses off for the past few years. I don’t know how you all have managed it, but kudos, and lots of love and luck this grueling week. You’ll all come out of it in one piece. You always do. So step up, and take the world by storm this week. You’ve done it, you can do it. Fight to the finish, and enjoy the glory you have earned.

57  See you on the back end.

58  Peace.

~H~

The Daily News

1   Cat just caught on fire.

2   Honestly.

3   I did lights for the Winter Concert last night, came home late, walked through the door and our reasonably cool cat Corey swept his tail through a candle, and we had to put him out.

4   NOT out THAT way!

5   Puh-LEEEEEZE!

6   Nah, we just sorta put the fire out, which was on the tip of his tail, and he is now walking around like he’s the total shit.

7    Meanwhile, the whole place smells like arm-hair fire.

8    Corey, we have to luv ya. Coulda been worse, pal.

9    Moving on, Part the First: Not too much more to report tonight; spent the night at the school enjoying a wonderful Winter Concert, which ran pretty long.

10  So today’s DN will be refreshingly short.

11  I have an entire pets DN in the works, but not today.

12   Fun stuff, to be sure, but it’s 1 a.m. and I have barely settled in.

13   The absolute GREAT thing is that I have little to say, for once in my life.

14   The concert rocked beyond words; the light design wasn’t mine, but it was a design by a local group doing The Nutcracker, and it looked absolutely stunning.

15   Meanwhile, real life goes on and on.

16   I have a bajillion things to put here.

17   The only thing is, I’m WAY outta my game today, or last night if you really want to play the game.

18   So I have made an executive decision to close this one out early.

19   I’d LOVE to say sorry, but really?

20   It’s past 1 a.m. yo.

21   I have no idea how I ever got to fifty and even sixty items in the DN anyway, which originally had MAYBE ten.

22   Well, every night is different, as is every single day.

23   This day ran late, so today the DN is a short one.

24    Yeesh.

25    Just like  my earliest works.

26    So…<place latest person who kicked the bucket here> walks into a bar…

27    Sorry. Tasteless.

28    I thought maybe awakening at around 5:30 might help, but when I’ve been going to sleep at around 8 p.m. lately, the sudden switch to 1:20 a.m. isn’t good at all.

29    Not at all.<blinking, realizing the early hour>

30    This one isn’t going to continue though.

31    I really have enjoyed getting to sleep early.

32    I have been doing that because it gives me full strength to give everything I have each day to my students.

33    Today won’t matter that much, because they are taking one of the kajillion bubble tests that somehow define education nowadays.

34    I just have to pass out booklets, answer sheets, and number two pencils. After that a monkey could do my job today.

35    What a perfect time to test kids: right when they’re studying for finals.

36    They have to take a “benchmark” test which measures how well they have met the standards.

37    Essentially, it is a test to see how well I have taught to the test. 

38    Like I said, a monkey could do that. 

39    That’s where education is headed. I taught exactly to the test this week. For one thing, they DO learn a lot, and learn it fast.

40    For another thing, it actually has released me to enjoy bringing enrichment into their lives. By saving around forty standards to be covered this week, I was released to show them an amazing film on the Golden Age of Greece.

41   Also, if the State ever goes to merit pay for ”good teachers”, I’ll have a LOT of experience in how to get them to answer certain kinds of questions.

42   Don’t get me goin’ on THAT one. If they ever go to merit pay, I’d be sitting purty. Four out of five of my classes are honors, at the highest achieving school in the District.

43   My teaching has nothing to do with any of it.

44   Good parenting has everything to do with it.

45   Given merit pay, I’d be sitting on top of the world, even if I showed movies all year. I deliberately don’t, because I LOVE teaching and get WAY into it, but there are those who would be in my situation and get merit pay even if they miss a bunch of school days.

46   Conversely, someone teaching lower-level classes at a poor-performing school would not get merit pay, even if they work their asses off each day.

47   Amazing.

49   Welp, looks like I reached fifty items after all.

50   It’s funny, ‘cuz despite a clear lack of sleep hours, I still woke up fresh as a daisy!

51   Okay, had lots of fun listening to beautiful music, and looking at a fierce light design last night, and I am excited about monitoring bubble tests today.I dropped a coupla Beatles’ oldies on FB. Love the two-minute wonder songs. So have a look.

52    Life’s good.

53    Live life.

54    Love life.

55    Have a lovely weekend.

56    Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharringon

 The Daily News

1   Last week, I noticed that Lucky’s gives you these stamps that get you something for all your business. I had no idea what, but the clerks continued to give me stamps each time I would make purchases. The higher the bottom line, the more stamps.

2   I had no idea as to what you could win, but I just started saying, “Yes,” when they would give me those things. I had no idea where to put them, so I started putting them in my wallet.

3   The other day I went to a Wells Fargo ATM to do some transaction or other.

4   So I grabbed my ATM card and stuck it into the ATM, and at the last moment, noticed that about eight Lucky’s stamps had clung to my card.

5   I closed my eyes, certain that my card would get caught up in all the whatever machinery makes those things go.

6   After a few seconds of buffering, the machine made a sort of clunking sound, and within seconds, dozens of frying pans came flying out of the cash dispenser and crashing to the ground. They clanged and clunked and rolled around the ground. One lid rolled out to the parking lot like a hubcap.

7   I stood astonished.

8   I stood there for a moment staring at the frying-pan strewn mess that suddenly surrounded me. My immediate thoughts were these: “What am I going to do with all these frying pans?” “Who thought of this?” And of course, “Sayyyyyyy…maybe I could USE these bad boys!”

9   Then I woke up.

10  Ain’t that life?

11  At least I realized what you get if you are patient and save those stamps.

12  Who doesn’t want free cooking apparatuses?

13  For the record, the plural of “apparatus” is “apparatus”. OR “apparatuses”.

14  Who knew?

15  I was hoping that the plural MIGHT be “apparati”. Nah.

16  Moving on, Part the First:  Okay, here’s a fun story.

17  Last week I thought about how as a young teacher, I always looked to the seasoned veterans for enlightenment.

18  At YB, we always had them.

19  In my earliest days, a seasoned vet named John Edwards was my inspiration. I thought he was the sharpest teacher I had ever met.

20  One day, I fell into a conversation with John. I don’t recall exactly what brought it up, but we started a discussion on themes for our lessons.

21   He looked up in his infinite wisdom and said, “Bud, one theme that always brings amazing discussions is this one, which I put my Honors’ kids on: ‘God as joker’.”

22   I just stood there knowing I was in the presence of brilliance.

23   I asked him to explain, but he said, “You’ll get it soon enough.”

24   God as joker.

25   I absolutely LOVED the creativity, the brilliance, and the simple beauty of that.

26   I never really was brave enough to bring it to my own classes, but always smiled at the concept.

27   Well, last night it happened.

28   I was in Save Mart, shopping for a few things, and in a hurry to get home. A part of me wanted nothing to do with Lucky’s and their frying pans.  I had very few items, and then saw that all the lines had up to six people in them. I looked at the carts and baskets to see which line had the least amount of items, and parked it there.

29   An elderly gentleman pulled his cart directly behind me, and cheerfully said, “This is as good a line as any.”

30  I laughed, and assured him that the items are what constitute a line, not the amount of people.

31   He agreed, and then said, “It doesn’t matter which line you choose. It will inevitably be the slower line.”

32   I laughed, and we both spoke of how there are cosmic jokes that repeatedly happen to some people.

33   I agreed, and we shared a hearty laugh.

34   Well, our line moved pretty swiftly. We exchanged a few more life philosophies between two absolute strangers, and enjoyed the brief wait.

35   When I checked out, I looked at him, a total stranger, and said, “Have a great holiday!”

36   He returned the gesture, and I traveled home in the warmth of the T000000NDRA.

37   The sky did what the sky does every night, and that is to darken beginning around five p.m.

38   I had a GREAT teaching day, one of the best, but I was also exhausted. I had worked hard all week, and couldn’t wait to get into the house and onto the couch, just to nap and enjoy the rain outside. All I had to do was to unlock the front door, go in, put things away, and hit the couch.

39  When I reached in my pocket to secure the keys, the bags in my hand all shifted, and one bag on the bottom began to slip.

40   I hustled the front door, but that bag slipped slowly and tortuously toward my knee. Once the door opened, I shot quickly to the kitchen counter and then kneed the bag that kept slipping.

41   Suddenly, I felt an explosion. It was almost like a painless gunshot, but within seconds I felt something cold traveling down my left leg.

42   What happened was that the bag had slipped, and instinctively I smashed my left thigh into the bag, which had caught on a metal knob on a kitchen drawer, puncturing a carton of chocolate milk I had bought for morning coffee.

43  As it was dark, I didn’t quite get what was happening. I just felt the milk showering over my pants, shoes, and onto the floor. I wasn’t wearing glasses, so the entire thing was turning into a Western tragedy.

44  All the pets in the house came over and started barking and meowing, while I tried to get the three bags of impulse buys onto the kitchen counter. The draining of the chocolate milk carton seemed to go on forever.

45  I finally did the classic burst of strength that we all have in us, and plopped everything on the counter.

46  I swiftly grabbed my glasses, threw them on all crookedly, turned on the kitchen light, and looked down at the spill.

47   It was a chocolate spill that could match any oil spill we’ve ever seen in the news.

48   Chocolate milk had spread through half the kitchen floor. The cats started lapping it up. The dog kept barking.

49   And I began laughing.

50   God as joker.

51   I looked at the half-gallon milk carton hanging on the drawer knob like a wet hat.

52    It had a clear entrance wound in its  occipital parietal area, where the knob had entered.

53     I thought of calling the police, but thought better of it.

54    Instead, I just took off my pants and shirt, set them aside, grabbed a ghetto towel, and mopped it all up. Quite a sight, I must say.

55    As nobody was home, I just laughed and said out loud, “No use crying over spilled milk!”

56    Amazing.

57    I put on some summer shorts, gathered everything together in one big lump, and threw it all in the wash.

58    It’s sort of funny how we finish our work and are always in such a hurry to relax.

59   After a nice shower, I got a wine glass and filled it with the remaining chocolate mile. It filled just right, and I eventually relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the night.

60   God as joker.

61   I’ll see you again.

52   Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

    The Daily News

1   It was 30 years ago today…

2   They announced his death on Monday Night Football. All life seemed to stop, as many heard of the murder of ex-Beatle John Lennon.

3    To many, it was the death of music, or the death of a Gandhi, or of Dr. Martin Luther King. Lennon had a mystique that went way beyond the average person.

4    Historically it was a stunning time. On Monday Night Football, broadcaster Howard Cosell interrupted a game between the New England Patriots and the Miami Dolphins to announce that Lennon had been shot twice in the back and died on arrival at the hospital.

5   People poured out of houses, held vigils with candles, flowers and signs that said, “Imagine”, and “GIve Peace a Chance”.

6    I’ll think of John Lennon and his immense contributions to making people aware of one simple truth: that it is better to wage peace than to wage war.

7    Rest peacefully, John. You’ve a lot of people who admired a lot about you.

8  Moving on, Part the First: So…did anyone see last night’s sunset?

9   Without permission, I copped the above photo from the FB entrance of Christian Pizzirani.  And yes, I spelled that correctly, Eve!

10   I have been WAY on top of my game lately, so on my way to run some copies of grammar boushit for my classes, I saw this. I actually looked out my window and saw it, but had a dreadful deadline and had to work my way to Kinkos without a camera. I shot a FB missive out to the masses, and then hopped in the T000000DRA to drive right into this gorgeous sky last night. This pic captures it in an amazing fashion, so thank you Christian for the quick reflexes. Brilliant.

11   Red sky at night, sailor’s delight!

12   I’m a huge fan of sunsets and their loving sister, sunrises.

13   Nice stuff. Gives all of us hope. This sunset dominated the entire sky last night, and there I drove, cameraless, if there is such a word. Enormously beautiful. At one point it went seamlessly from one point in infinity to the next. And I give huge thanks to Christian for having the sense to grab it while it happened. It was one of those sunsets that colors everyone’s world. Red sky at night. Lovely.

14   Moving on, Part the Second: So…Elizabeth Edwards walks proudly into a bar.

15   Strong, proud woman.

16   The wimminz are ridiculously underrated in our world.

17  So this DN goes out to the empowered wimminz!

18   Ohhhhhhhhh my!

19   Beautiful wimminz, everywhere. Stand up, ladies, and be counted. From the day you are born to the day you die, you are beautiful.

20   Me luvvvvz you! I was raised with two sisters and no brothers, and have two daughters and no sons. That’s a soldier in the battle of the sexes, and yes, I know much about your cause. Stand, be proud. You are wimminz. Stay strong, because so much about you is beautiful.

21   <sigh>

22   Whew.

23   I need a smoke, yo.

24   Haha!

25   Moving on, with grace, Part the Third: Hope you’re all moving through this rapid season with grace and love.

26   It’s the most miserable time of the year.

27   Seriously.

28   We are all overworked, underpaid, and under-appreciated.

29   To a man.

30   To a woman.

31    You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

32    Moving on, Part the Fourth: Ah, Glee. Good episode last night, but even the Niners beat Arizona a week ago. You need to step it up.

33    When is that show going to finally have an amazing episode? It began so amazingly, and so much of the music not only rocks, but is well produced.

34    But the storylines…

35    Lend me a pen.

36   Just sayin’…

37   Moving on, Part the Fifth: Just ramblin’. I really almost like my new lifestyle this season. In the past, I would stay up WAY late writing the DN, then try to sleep, THEN get insomnia, and finally awaken with around four hours of sleep.

38   Not healthy, and many of you lived through my subsequent tired and irritated behaviors.

39   I gave energetic and sometimes fantastic lessons, but many the result of having to step up my game for the students.

40   This year, I’ve taken to going to sleep really early, awakening at some point in the night, writing the DN with a fresh mind, and then sleeping wonderfully for the remainder of the night.

41    Last night, for example, I actually stayed up late. What was late? Ten p.m. I awakened at around one a.m. and allowed my mind to adjust.

42    I had written much of the DN before ten, but added a bunch of this after my head cleared from a hectic day.

43   Just lucky, I guess.

44   I keep thinking of all the college students who are pulling all-nighters and losing their marbles right now. Two years ago I took fifteen units to up my pay significantly,  and to stay employed.

45   But studying and researching, and then trying to grade papers, visit my parents, plan classes, and put family and friends on the back burner almost killed me. I have no idea how I did it all, except that I’m pretty sure it had something to do with four-hour sleep sessions at night.

46   That’s okay when you’re young, but when you start marching toward that final battle, it can take its toll.

47   I did it, ‘cuz most people know that I am a tough cookie, but it was not easy. College professors sometimes think that each of their classes is the most important.

48   Evidently the mission of colleges is to make you jump through a million hoops in order to achieve a degree. As a teacher, I know darned well that my best students will conquer any challenge out there, so what is the point of giving them triple the amount of work they need in order to get the degree?

49  It’s a game. Nowadays, every teacher wants to be the toughest hombre around, which is why many students aren’t really learning, they are jumping through massive hoops in order to please some egocentric twit who may never have made it had they had themselves as a teacher.

50   I’m much more into leading students to amazing things, and opening their minds to things they never would have learned had they been shackled to boring texts with lots of hoops. I still give them enough to keep them honest, but if I wanted to have my students memorize the dictionary and write the entire muthafukka down, I have many who would do it, sight unseen. And yes, they’ll learn, but they’ll also learn that learning must be connected with absolute agony.

51   I refuse to be that teacher. That’s not a teacher, it’s a Nazi with a HUGE ego.

52   And if we simplify for the spirit of true learning and enrichment, we get tagged as pushovers.

53   So be it. I don’t remember my best teachers as drill sergeants or Jump-Thru-the Hoopsters, but as people excited about their subjects, and interested in activities that elevated our spirits to worlds we never knew existed.

54   That mentality is now lost in the dust of mercenaries trying to impress academia with their almost inhuman demands.

55   To me, in education, more is less. Enthusiasm, energy, and high-interest materials that engage is what it is all about. Always was, always will be. When students are engaged, laughing, and enjoying learning, they learn.

56   When they jump through hoops, they land on the other side, wipe off the dust, and then ask, “What would you like me to do next?”

57   My answer: land on your ass and keep your mind open and free.

58   That’s today’s lesson, coming to you from a wise old sage whose been at it for some time.

59    Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

 

The Daily News

1   So…Don Meredith walks into a bar…

2   GREAT Dallas Cowboy “back-in-the-day”, and an even better voice on Monday Night Football.

3   Meredith rocked the classic age of Monday Night Football, and would always amuse all of us with his folksy, aw shucks style.

4   His death tome when one team on Monday night was clearly losing was this: “Turn out the lights; the party’s over.” To this day, it remains sheer poetry for anyone or anything that is sure to lose.

5   Such an NFL soldier, and always with a bit of devilish humor. He once said of the Cleveland Brown’s Fair Hooker, “Well, I’ve never met one yet.” He won me over for his historical reference to Richard Nixon as “Tricky Dick.”

6   You will be missed, Dandy Don. You will be missed.

7   Moving on, Part the First:  Is anyone else experiencing “life lag”?

8   I’m not sure, but I think that each year right around this time, I get into this sort of holding pattern. It’s a form of the classical death wish, in which we sort of tread water between the holidays.

9   In my earlier days as a teacher, I used to liken a lot of days to a guy caught in the ocean, and swimming senselessly until he reaches an island, and then has time to rest.

10  The swimming was the working world, or the studying world, when we literally kick and spin,chug waves, and fight for our lives until the next day off. Sometimes we do it so naturally that it goes easily, but when we start hitting the holidays, it gets colder, mightier, and more severe.

11  Thanksgiving then, is a tease. We get this nice little island of rest, only to be instantly tempest tossed into a relentless, stormy sea once again, fighting wave after wave, knowing that Christmas break is close, but that we have battle after battle to fight and to survive until then.

12   Some get a day or two off, others get several weeks. Anyone in education gets a wonderfully dry and peaceful island, but getting there is studying, planning, mid-terms, finals, and absolute madness.

13   We start longing to see a familiar face, but each time we almost do, we get tossed and turned and thrown in all directions.

14   Sometimes I wish that in my profession, we could just go straight through a year with no breaks at all, except perhaps weekends. As a teacher, I KNOW that I can never rest until summer, and that includes weekends, vacations, and nights. The work is relentless when it’s on.

15   I know this to be true of students as well, and anyone with school-age children.

16   And the college/post-grad set gets thrown absolute insanity at this time of the year.

17    So we get lured into a false sense of security at Thanksgiving, knowing we have all earned a break, and the second the Monday following surfaces, we get tossed into one of the hugest metaphorical storms of the year. It beats us senseless.

18   Fortunately, I now routinely give up Sundays so that I could battle this madness by working it, and by going in to each week prepared as I could possibly be.

19   I used to be of the attitude that my job would never overtake my life, and that I earned the rest.

20   Yes and no.

21   While we need the rest, we also don’t need the stress that comes with letting the guard down.

22   The tough part is, I find myself exhausted of late, and turning to going to sleep really early so I will be rested and ready for each day.

23   I’m not certain as to whether it is the onslaught of Daylight Saving Time, or of Thanksgiving, but something happens to me each year that makes me want to pull a blanket over my head and sleep forever.

24   I guess I’m winterizing.

25   And all I want is to be left alone, and to look forward to seeing family and friends. It’s this leetle bit of angst that happens each year.

26   And every day seems longer than the previous day, and all of the deadlines loom larger and larger.

27   No wonder I find peace in the coast. I think I sometimes enjoy looking at the madness of ocean waves, and that somewhere therein is myself above the madness, smiling triumphantly, as though I have somehow escaped the madness and intensity.

28   Last night I began working on the DN at around 7:30. The night crept all over me, and I found myself snoozing at the computer for lack of ideas. I would look to emails for comfort, but those were few and far between. Everyone is too beaten around and torn up.

29   I finally went to the living room, threw a blanket over my head, and drifted off.

30   Interestingly, at work I can’t wait to get home, but then I want the days to fly by right now.

31   I still have miles to go before I sleep.

32   I now have ten days left, but ten of the most intense days of the year. We have benchmark tests, lessons, and finals coming up, along with the relentless madness of grading and grading and grading.

33   Plus our last grades just came out, so parents want answers at a time when we are fighting the waves and the insanity.

34   I have to guess that this time of year is pretty intense for everyone, across the board. The days are shorter; we tend to sleep more, but that also brings on bouts of insomnia and of course, it’s twin sister, worry.

35   I have all of those going on right now, and frankly, I want all of it to go away.

36   Right now it won’t. It might for some, but for most of us, the next few weeks can’t go by quick enough.

37   If you feel like I do right now, just count your blessings, dig in, and keep fighting. Life goes through these cyclical times, and will eventually relax its grip.

38   Storms come and go, islands are always out there, and there are friends and family, who sometimes are part of the storm, but who more often than not become islands in a sea of madness.

39   Count blessings. There are those out there much worse off. Give them a thought and a prayer.

40   And love what you have.

41   I miss everybody, especially my daughters. I can’t wait ’til I can see people, and enjoy the good things life brings.

42   Anyway, despite all, live life.

43    Love life; it will ease up.

44    Believe that.

45    Keep fighting.

46    Peace.

~H~

www.bharrington.xanga.com

The Daily News

1   Yeesh. I ain’t no t00n. Whatevs. But my life IS a t00n. But I ain’t no t00n, dat’s for sure. To all you FBers out there let me be clear: I ain’t no t00n.

2   I thought I almost burned the house down last night. I even may have saved it from the Masters of the Universe. I’m sure that I did.

3   Allow me to begin. I was returning home from lesson plans at Kinko’s when it began raining.

4   I expected light rains, but not the drubbing we took early last night.

5   Consider that winter this year has not been too wintery at all, if you look back. Baseball kept going all the way into November. So it seems that Winter was suddenly thrust upon us, like a cleansing greatness from the heavens.

6   AnywayZ, on Saturday, I decided to tell the school to chill, and instead of working on school stuff, I did this fun Christmas light design in my front yard.

7   I cleaned the gutters, and then began.

8   I’m all about lighting, as most of you probably know.

9   So on Saturday, I was tech guy once more, which instantly puts me into the role of a cartoon character, since it involves a.) a metal ladder, and b.) electricity.

10  I spent hours upon hours checking my lights so they would work well. I was careful to protect all the sockets from rain and dampness. I used all the right things.

11  What I do is I light the house like any ordinary schmoe would, and then bring in the big guns: a red and a green malibu light, one for each maple tree. I have these huge maple trees in front, and I ground-light them, angling each of the lamps just enough to bring in a gentle color gradation going up the trunk. This year’s aim was perfect, as the ambient glow also picked up these large candy canes I planted in the lawn. So one tree is lit green, the other red, and the lights dance and mingle on the lawn, lighting up the candy canes.

12  I EVEN put all of it on remote. VERY cool. Push on, and the entire yard lights up!

13   The fun thing is, I don’t overdo anything; it just looks cool. I’m not Clark Griswald, or even Goofy. I’ve publicly stated all week that I ain’t no t00n.

14   So last night I came home from shopping at around five, and the lights were on. They looked nice, but the fun part of it is waiting for it to get dark, because lights always look much better when it is dark.

15   I spent most of the morning taking care of school biz so that I could live like a normal human being “after five”.

16   I had just come home, put some music on, and was in the midst of making a fresh salad when I looked out my kitchen window.

17   I have these Coca-Cola polar bears on my lawn, and I have a light blue light on them also. It’s barely noticeable because it almost looks like a slanting moonlight.

18    Suddenly the wind came, the sky opened up, and it began to rain.

19    When I looked out the window, I noticed that the polar bears were not lit, and that the green light lighting one of the maple trees was smoking.

20    I briskly walked outside when my normal paranoia set in. Was the entire house going to burn down? Can I get electrocuted if I use a remote out in the rain? If I push “off” will the entire place go up?

21   Logic dictated that the blue light was simply burnt out, and that the green one was angled up so that the rain was causing it to steam. I rested on that for about five seconds and then decided that I had better turn off all of them, just to be safe.

22  Again, my paranoia set in. Should I try the remote? Will it somehow cause a spark? Can electricity find its way back to me so that I light up like a seasonal skeleton? Am I Clark Griswald? Or even worse, am I a…

t00n????

23   Nightmare before Christmas.

24   I have this pair of Sloggers that I wore all summer. Sloggers are those rubber shoes that they sell on the way to the garden center at OSH.

25   I don’t often wear them out in public, because they sort of remind me of shoes that Goofy would wear. My life is enough of a cartoon as is, but I ain’t no t00n.

26   I’m very sensitive about that, because most times, I feel that my life is a cartoon, and that I’m sort of like Roger Rabbit.

27   So I had visions of pushing a button and suddenly having a surge of electricity shoot through me, expanding me to enormous proportions, ending with my eyes popping out, and then propelling me around the room until I hit a door, fall to the floor, and deflate to a tiny shadow.

28   And yet doing nothing might cause the entire house to burst into flames.

29   Is there ever a time in life when we can just relax?

30   Fortunately, my frabjous mind ticks and ticks constantly. I allow logic to dictate most of my paranoid structures, so within seconds, I lit up with an idea.

31   Sloggers are rubber. Car tires are rubber. I’ve been in HUGE lightning storms in the Sierra, and one thing I learned was that a car is a pretty safe place to be in a lightning storm, because of the tires.

32   Tires are made of rubber.

33    Sloggers are also made of rubber.

35    I think.

36    Anyway, my scientific mind set in, the logical side of my idiotic brain, and I decided to take the gamble and to push “off” on the remote. The steam or smoke or whatever from the green light began shooting into the night sky, challenging the very heavens themselves.

37   I took the remote, aimed it at the heavens and screamed, “By the power of Greyskull!” My cat suddenly turned into a beast.

38   I pushed “off”.

39   The lights all went off.

40    The cat turned timid.

41    But I am convinced that somehow, I kept my house not only safe from fire, but from becoming victim to the Masters of the Universe.

42    I ain’t no t00n.

43    But my life is a cartoon.

44    Happy December.

45    Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington