November 29, 2010
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The Daily News
1 One of the grand ironies of a therapeutic and consummate Thanksgiving is that after enjoying three consecutive wild and adventurous food fests, I came down from the mountains longing for a Big Mac and sizzling hot, salty fries.
2 I arguably have spent the past three days eating some of the most glorious meals in my history of eating. Everything had fresh herbs, spices, and love, and all of it in wonderful company.
3 And yesterday I had to pack from high in the mountains, and sojourn back down the frosty spine of Highway 70. It was a long ride, but reasonable in terms of demands.
4 By the time I landed safely home, I had a hankerin’ for a cheap burger.
5 Mind you, I had spent hours upon wonderrfully warm hours with family, laughing, eating, and enjoying some of the best and healthiest foods ever assembled at three different tables, but when I hit Sannozay, I wanted a Big Mac.
6 Go figure.
7 Well, as always, I had to run a bunch of stuff off for school, and our local Kinkos happens to be within a stone’s throw of a Mickey D’s, so when I got all my lesson plans in order, I stepped outside in the November frost only to see that there was absolutley no line at the drive-thru.
8 I don’t often do fast food, so when I saw three windows, I became disengaged, and began hallucinating once again. Nothing serious, just re-entry taking over my particles.
9 I actually had to ask the gal at Window number 2 if I had to pay at Window number 3. I wasn’t even sure if I was supposed to order at Window number 1 when I first pulled up. I was out of sorts, which has been my pattern for the past coupla months.
10 Fortunately, I figured it out, although the gal at Window number 2 looked at me funny when I asked about Window number 3. I instantly knew the answer, and felt instantly like the stereotypical teacher who is a dumbass. Still, I had to wonder what the purpose was of Window number 1. To me, it was a waste of a Window.
11 When I got to Window number 3, they took their sweet time to get me my order. When I gave them my ATM card, the gal looked somewhat annoyed, but I really didn’t care.
12 There was a rare delay at the window, because a group of serious heffas went inside to order.
13 But within minutes, I saw what the delay was.
14 They had to make my fries new, and they seemed annoyed. To me it was like, “Score!” I watched as the guy on fries pulled the basket out of that sweet, sizzling grease. At that moment in my life, Grease WAS the word.
15 Nothing better than newly fried McDonald’s fries, sizzling with salt and grease.
16 My daughter Caitlin once told me that it isn’t a french fry if it tastes remotely like a potato, and I KNEW these fellows hit the mark.
17 Screamin’.
18 Nothing like good ol’ American food. Healthy too. ; ) <—–sideways winky guy.
19 Moving on, Part the First: So…Lelie Nielsen walks into a bar…
20 Nevermind. GREAT actor, and dry, fun, and yes, he will be missed.
21 What was interesting was that yesterday morning at breakfast, the conversation moved to guys whose names were bi-sexual. Just one of those things that you throw out there for fun.
22 A few names surfaced, such as “Pat” or “Lindsay”, but I threw “Leslie” into the mix.
23 This, mind you, was BEFORE I heard that good ol’ Leslie Nielsen of Airport fame had walked into the proverbial DN bar. That bar just got better. I hear it moved up a couple of feet. But I had this conversation in the morning, at breakfast.
24 Not really a Heidi trip, mind you, but a smile of strange begins yet again.
25 AnywayZ, we’ll miss you, Leslie.
26 Moving on, Part the Second: Ah, vell…
27 I finally bought a treadmill.
28 I keep trying to find ways of staying buff and beautiful, but not much of that happens naturally. Not much of that happens unnaturally. Not much of that happens, for that matter. Last year I lost around 20 pounds, and I realized that my buff and beautiful days would have been behind me if I ever had them.
29 I haven’t hopped aboard yet ‘cuz I’m an elliptical fan, but thought it through, and running on somewhere that gets you utterly nowhere seemed the thing to do. PLus I could read. I love reading.
30 The only thing is, I’m afraid that if I hop on the thing and push the power button that I’ll do a George Jetson, and get flattened like a toon and proceed to zip through the thing shouting for someone to pull the plug.
31 I used to feel the same way about escalators. As a kid, I was always afraid that if I didn’t time those things right, that I might get caught in the teeth and grind up in the machinery.
32 To this day, I fear escalators, but always let the bars skid through my nervous hands as though I have the situation completely in control. This puts skid marks on your hands, by the way, so don’t try this at home. Unless you WANT skid marks on your hands. If so, then proceed, but in a cautionary fashion.
33 Well here’s a confession: I seldom do. Just on really rickety escalators.
34 But always, as I reach the top or bottom of an escalator, I always flash on getting cut up and caught in the teeth before I step safely to safe ground.
35 Ladies and gents, it isn’t really fun being neurotic.
36 And this is coming from a guy who vacations in the mountains, where there are bears and rabid squirrels who approach and then stop suddenly, like a freeze frame, both eyes on you.
37 Anyway, I’m still trying to sort out all of my out-of-sorts stuff, while trying to do re-entry after a peaceful four days.
38 My feeling as always is this: just re-enter.
39 Nobody else is ready to go to work today either.
40 And that was an “eeeeether”, not an “eyether”.
41 I was told by several people that “eyther” is “douche”.
42 I KNOW, I KNOW; I thought it a tad crass too.
43 I also laughed my ass off when said party said that.
44 It’s 2010. Class seems to have gone by the wayside.
45 Say it ain’t so; say it ain’t so.
46 Welp, it’s not quite midnight, and I think I’m gonna tuck today’s DN into bed.
47 I hope you all had a rollicking coupla days. I sure did, and I’m smiling and happy.
48 It’s Monday, AFTER a vacation.
49 Stay safe.
50 Fly low.
51 Peace.
~H~
