The Daily News
1 <Awakening, as if from a dream> Whaaaaaaaaa…
2 I had a dream last night.
3 I may be still dreaming.
4 It began with the Giants beating the Braves to move to the National League Championship Series against the Phillies.
5 But then everything turned blurry. Suddenly, we had Mickey Mouse dressed as a wizard, glitter and wonder, and a fog machine turning the evening into a whirling vortex of deep blue skies, of twinkling stars, and of magic wands.
6 When this all clears, we are now in California. There are two vague, sleepy people who seem to be running for some office or other.
7 One is a businesswoman named “Whiteman”.
8 The other is some balding eagle named “Brown”.
9 This dream took place on Columbus Day, fergawdzsakes! Or so it seemed…
10 In the haziness and incense smoke of the dream, I spun, and had no idea who Whiteman and Brown even were…
11 I had, in the dream, drunk a dram of a mystical drink called Nepenthe, which brings surcease of sorrow to the one lucky enough to engage in a holistic quaff, that is…
12 My head swirled! Then it drifted…it drifted to an email from my daughter Caitlin admonishing me for calling the Murph and Mac Show on KNBR “Murph and Mike”. Are
ya kiddin’ me? I KNEW that Caitlin, and the visions fall deeply into a deep slumber that took me to yet darker visions washing up on my own Plutonic shore…
13 I saw visions that kept coming back telling me to vote Brown, and not Whiteman.
14 We shall see; we shall see.
15 How can I tell you what I saw?
16 I travelled. I travelled so far that I put an extra “l” in “traveled”.
17 I travelled to a show called Castle. I witnessed this madness through one eye. Was this truly on, or was it all just a dream? It brought with it an evening of psychics, as well as a reference to Edgar Allan Poe.
18 True! Though you may consider me a madman, listen!
19 The misty visions I saw threw off swirls and colors, the like of which I’ve not seen in decades. Within seconds, things faded once more, and my third eye turned blind…
20 Things mystified. Chilean miners were rescued, and a guy with extremely bad taste in pants grabbed a golf club and posed. Colorful birds flew off his pants…
21 I thought I heard in the echoing corridors of thought someone sending me the message that the Niners were going to win their division, and that they were currently 5 and 0.
22 They sent me visions of Jed York saying this all in devilish echoes.
23 Again, the Giants faded in, with visions of Aubrey Huff chewing down on a rolled, brown cigaret and mumbling Clint Eastwoodisms to a disappearing television camera.
24 He morphed into a Huff Daddy version of Butch Cassidy, and Pat Burrell appeared as the Sundance Kid.
25 I thought to myself amid all this midfall madness, “Tis the work of the slithery Dibble hisself, mind all of ye!”
26 I was suddenly thrust upon a ride, and I found myself on a small boat in Storybook Land, in Disneyland, CA.
27 I was with my family, all safely in a small boat, moving through a river sided with grassy hills, wildflowers, and all things Mickey, a far cry from the great Plutonian shore. I heard the Oom-pah of a band somewhere in the distance.
28 Suddenly, the music turned frantic. I stood up in the boat, and a fierce wave knocked me back into reality, or the lack thereof.
29 I turned to see my wife and two beautiful daughters engaged in an harmonious, “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!”
30 I turned around only to see that all of us were inches away from MONSTRO, the selfsame whale who swallowed Geppetto.
31 Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
32 I awoke.
33 I saw that I had broken into a sweat.
34 I quickly headed to the computer.
35 I tried to roll some paper onto the roller, and then realized it was 2010!
36 I laughed in a frenzy, completely out of my mind!
37 I then called up the wonderfully familiar Xanga, and soon realized it was all some sort of mad Midfall Night’s Dream.
38 There is no real Whiteman running for office. In a way, I thanked God.
39 Strangely, there IS a Brown.
40 I vaguely remember that the Giants might REALLY be playing in what is this, October?
41 Yes.
42 There clearly was Nepenthe, and Poe truly did show up on a teevee show that was on while I tripped. It was called Castle. And it DID bring in Poe, for a microsecond, which, according to my muses, is one-millionth of a second.
43 At this point in the proceedings, I lost my glasses for a brief second, and realized I had developed mystic dyslexia, and that I had misread the 49ers record, which rolled frighteningly in the correct direction, that is to say, to 0 and 5.
44 And yes, the correcton proved true! And yes! Jed York STILL did declare that the Niners would win their division! A FRIGHTENING moment in this nightmare before Christmas!
45 At this point, I KNEW it was the drugs, perhaps the selfsame drugs that Herr York had quaffed prior to his IMBECILIC comments.
46 The remainder of the vision, however, I embraced.
47 Huff-Daddy.
48 The entire gunslinger image of the Giants, and Butch and Sundance, and ladieeeez and gentlmenz, Don’t Stop Believin’.
49 I woke up with a massive brain strain.
50 But I loved the entire Midfall Night’s Dream, which need only an ass to bring it to life.
51 I stand before thee.
52 It’s Wednesday, people! Stop with the Bloody Marys and start with the champagne!!! The Giants are gonna win it all, in seven, according to Father Ponticelli, who is clearly one moon away from being a Supreme Being.
53 And trust me, the Good Father would give him a ring on his moon alone, to the dismay of all other seraphs in the Heavenly skies.
54 I’m done. October is far too weird for me. I’m awake at odd hours, chilled to the bone from the heat of the day that turned to midnight mugginess. I need a shot of Nepenthe in my root beer and Demerol. Then, and only then, will I find Truth. Meanwhile, raise a glass to the weirdest month of the year. And rest assured that all this was nothing more than a Midfall Night’s Dream, and let us leave it at that. Bottom had nothing on this nonsense.
55 Now go out and make it better.
56 Peace.
~H~
The Daily News1 <Awakening, as if from a dream> Whaaaaaaaaa…2 I had a dream last night.3 I may be still dreaming.4 It began with the Giants beating the Braves to move to the National League Championship Series against the Phillies.5 But then everything turned blurry. Suddenly, we had Mickey Mouse dressed as a wizard, glitter and wonder, and a fog machine turning the evening into a whirling vortex of deep blue skies, of twinkling stars, and of magic wands.6 When this all clears, we are now in California. There are two vague, sleepy people who seem to be running for some office or other.7 One is a businesswoman named “Whiteman”.8 The other is some balding eagle named “Brown”.9 This dream took place on Columbus Day, fergawdzsakes! Or so it seemed…10 In the haziness and incense smoke of the dream, I spun, and had no idea who Whiteman and Brown even were…11 I had, in the dream, drunk a dram of a mystical drink called Nepenthe, which brings surcease of sorrow to the one lucky enough to engage in a holistic quaff, that is…12 My head swirled! Then it drifted…it drifted to an email from my daughter Caitlin admonishing me for calling the Murph and Mac Show on KNBR “Murph and Mike”. Areya kiddin’ me? I KNEW that Caitlin, and the visions fall deeply into a deep slumber that took me to yet darker visions washing up on my own Plutonic shore…13 I saw visions that kept coming back telling me to vote Brown, and not Whiteman.14 We shall see; we shall see.15 How can I tell you what I saw?
16 I travelled. I travelled so far that I put an extra “l” in “traveled”.17 I travelled to a show called Castle. I witnessed this madness through one eye. Was this truly on, or was it all just a dream? It brought with it an evening of psychics, as well as a reference to Edgar Allan Poe.18 True! Though you may consider me a madman, listen!19 The misty visions I saw threw off swirls and colors, the like of which I’ve not seen in decades. Within seconds, things faded once more, and my third eye turned blind…20 Things mystified. Chilean miners were rescued, and a guy with extremely bad taste in pants grabbed a golf club and posed. Colorful birds flew off his pants…21 I thought I heard in the echoing corridors of thought someone sending me the message that the Niners were going to win their division, and that they were currently 5 and 0.22 They sent me visions of Jed York saying this all in devilish echoes.23 Again, the Giants faded in, with visions of Aubrey Huff chewing down on a rolled, brown cigaret and mumbling Clint Eastwoodisms to a disappearing television camera.24 He morphed into a Huff Daddy version of Butch Cassidy, and Pat Burrell appeared as the Sundance Kid.25 I thought to myself amid all this midfall madness, “Tis the work of the slithery Dibble hisself, mind all of ye!”26 I was suddenly thrust upon a ride, and I found myself on a small boat in Storybook Land, in Disneyland, CA.27 I was with my family, all safely in a small boat, moving through a river sided with grassy hills, wildflowers, and all things Mickey, a far cry from the great Plutonian shore. I heard the Oom-pah of a band somewhere in the distance.28 Suddenly, the music turned frantic. I stood up in the boat, and a fierce wave knocked me back into reality, or the lack thereof.29 I turned to see my wife and two beautiful daughters engaged in an harmonious, “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!”30 I turned around only to see that all of us were inches away from MONSTRO, the selfsame whale who swallowed Geppetto.31 Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!32 I awoke.33 I saw that I had broken into a sweat.34 I quickly headed to the computer.35 I tried to roll some paper onto the roller, and then realized it was 2010!36 I laughed in a frenzy, completely out of my mind!37 I then called up the wonderfully familiar Xanga, and soon realized it was all some sort of mad Midfall Night’s Dream.38 There is no real Whiteman running for office. In a way, I thanked God.39 Strangely, there IS a Brown.40 I vaguely remember that the Giants might REALLY be playing in what is this, October?41 Yes.42 There clearly was Nepenthe, and Poe truly did show up on a teevee show that was on while I tripped. It was called Castle. And it DID bring in Poe, for a microsecond, which, according to my muses, is one-millionth of a second.43 At this point in the proceedings, I lost my glasses for a brief second, and realized I had developed mystic dyslexia, and that I had misread the 49ers record, which rolled frighteningly in the correct direction, that is to say, to 0 and 5.44 And yes, the correcton proved true! And yes! Jed York STILL did declare that the Niners would win their division! A FRIGHTENING moment in this nightmare before Christmas!45 At this point, I KNEW it was the drugs, perhaps the selfsame drugs that Herr York had quaffed prior to his IMBECILIC comments.46 The remainder of the vision, however, I embraced.47 Huff-Daddy.48 The entire gunslinger image of the Giants, and Butch and Sundance, and ladieeeez and gentlmenz, Don’t Stop Believin’.49 I woke up with a massive brain strain.50 But I loved the entire Midfall Night’s Dream, which need only an ass to bring it to life.51 I stand before thee.52 It’s Wednesday, people! Stop with the Bloody Marys and start with the champagne!!! The Giants are gonna win it all, in seven, according to Father Ponticelli, who is clearly one moon away from being a Supreme Being.53 And trust me, the Good Father would give him a ring on his moon alone, to the dismay of all other seraphs in the Heavenly skies.54 I’m done. October is far too weird for me. I’m awake at odd hours, chilled to the bone from the heat of the day that turned to midnight mugginess. I need a shot of Nepenthe in my root beer and Demerol. Then, and only then, will I find Truth. Meanwhile, raise a glass to the weirdest month of the year. And rest assured that all this was nothing more than a Midfall Night’s Dream, and let us leave it at that. Bottom had nothing on this nonsense.55 Now go out and make it better.56 Peace.~H~
