September 7, 2010
-
The Daily News
1 Soooo...here we are! Welcome back!!!
2 Coffee break is over, back on yer heads.
3 Reference to a grand old joke about the Devil giving one poor soul options about how he may spend time in Hell. He did his sins on Earth, so these were his choices for how to spend eternity:
4 Three rooms.
5 This poor schlep has to make the choice: Room 1: People on fire with the Devil pouring gasoline on them for all eternity.
6 Room 2: Guy having cockroaches and stinging bees crawling over every part of his body, chewing and stinging him for all eternity.
7 Room 3: All these people up to their wastes in feces, but enjoying coffee and cool live jazz.
8 Guy decides clearly on Room 3. You'd get used to that, at least. Plus the waitress had noble skills.
9 Guy enjoys it, because there are cool people and lots of beautiful wimminz sipping coffee and boushittin'.
10 A whistle blows.
11 Devil appears and says, "Okay, coffee break's over! Back on yer heads!"
12 I didn't laugh either.
13 But over the years and years of working, it has made more and more sense. Especially after any three-day. It's always a bit brutal going back at it. I'm always reminded of that joke.
14 Anyway, well, here we are.
15 Coffee break is indeed over.
16 But we all know it's not THAT bad.
17 <accepting reality smirk> = )
18 Scary stuff on a TOOOOOOOSDEEEEE.
19 Ah, Tooooooosdeez aren't my cup of tea anywayZ.
20 Don't EVEN get me goin'.
21 Moving on, Part the First: Ah, vat da hail.
22 We just keep movin' on, movin' on.
23 Yeesh.
24 I've always been big on "yeesh".
25 Don't know why, don't care to analyze. It's just such an expressive word. And a much healthier exhale than say, smoking.
26 Yeesh.
27 Anyone who knows me knows I'm fundamentally against Tooooooosdee as a day of the week.
28 When I become a corrupt senator, as all senators eventually become, I intend to lobby for eliminating Tooooooosdee as a day of the week.
29 Life would become uneventfully better.
30 But I digress.
31 Moving on, Part the Third: Explosions. I absolutely believe I just heard three explosions in my neighborhood.
32 Hopefully it's my neighbor annihilating his entire front yard.
33 The guy has eight billion unkempt rose bushes growing amid a power of old weeds, strange iron configurations, and pots of dead plants adorning his yard. It is a complete hodge-podge of junk.
34 So I hope those explosions I just heard were him land-mining the place.
35 It is so unseemingly uglyeseque.
36 I minored in Prententiousness at the University of Mars, where Raider great Jim Otto went. In my Hoity-Toity 10 class, I learned that If you add "esque" to anything, you are allowed into coffee speakeasies in Marin and Los Gatos, where the wimminz use dogs as accessories, and your coffee cup must expose an elevated pinky. Oh, DAHLINGS!!! You look DEVAHN!!!
37 Moving on, Part the Second: So the Giants have managed to move within one game of the Padres. How'd THAT happen? I don't rightly know, but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
38 It's funny, because as a kid growing up a few miles south of San Francisco, I never even knew that there was anyone around who didn't worship the Giants. I also assumed the entire world LOVED sports, because I had a job as a vendor at Candlestick Park.
39 It wasn't really until I moved to San Jose that I realized that TONS of people are NOT Giants' fans, and that TONS of people couldn't care less about sports.
40 Anyway, I guess that's how it is.
41 Moving on, Part the Third: The things you find in student papers. Nothing too remarkable on this batch, except one girl in my class was named after the great Lauren Bacall. That lit me up, because I was always a big fan of Bacall. That's Lauren Bacall smoking glamorously in the picture at the top of today's DN.
42 Also, I believe it was going to last Thursday, I had made mention of Whack-a-Mole. Later that afternoon, Ralph Barbieri made reference to it as well. On Saturday, a student sent me an essay about her English class last year, and she included this line: "Several hands shoot up, and then go down, just like a game of Whack-a-Mole." Hey, that's a LOT of mention of mole-whacking if you ask me. I'm amazed at how often coincidences enter my life. It's just one of those things. This was mild, and not too deep, since I've been pretty amazingly happy lately. As we move closer to Halloween, more and more of those things tend to happen to me.
43 It's just one of those crazy things. Some people are born psychic. Some are born with fabulous voices. I was born to be coincidenced beyond what is normal for most people. I liken it sometimes to that teevee show called Medium, which played a huge part in a major coincidence several years ago.
44 When things are going well, I get things like Whack-a-Mole, almost like a light psychic workout. When my life turns, coincidences jump in like signs. It's a little scary sometimes, but most times I figure it's sort of comforting. More on that as we move into October. It's WAY too early in the year for all of that.
44 I'd probably better walk off at this point. I sleep through the night these days and do a LOT of the DN in the morning, but I forget that also have to scurry off to work.
45 Have a GREAT day everybody.
46 Peace.
~H~
Recent Comments