September 1, 2010
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The Daily News1 Suddenly I am fabulously wealthy.
2 Well, for me that is. ; ) <-----------sideways winky guy.
3 Seriously.
4 And the funny thing is, I still have NO idea how I came into all this money.
5 The irony is that two days ago I was wondering how I was going to get through the month, after building a new garden/yard and hosting an awesome party on Saturday.
6 It's sort of funny how that happens. Every once in a while in life, something comes along and GIVES you money.
7 More often than not, something comes by and TAKES money away.
8 The wonderful thing about it is that it is TOTALLY legit.
9 I have been SO busy lately getting the yard together and planning the party that I virtually put the rest of my life on hold. This includes checking my mailbox at school, writing friends, hanging out, and all the rest.
10 Well, yesterday I attempted to check my emails at school, but it wouldn't let me go on. I just blew it off, figuring I wouldn't have to deal with whatever would come down the irritating pike that is office emails.
11 I forgot to bring anything for lunch yesterday, so I thought I'd go off campus and grab something fast, like a banana or an apple or something healthy.
12 On my way, another teacher ran into me and said, "Are you going to the library for pizza?"
13 Turns out there was free pizza and brownies for the teachers, courtesy of ESTA, our local union. Fate? Could be. A free lunch is always a good sign.
14 I wound up sitting down and eating with my gangstas. Insta fun!
15 One teacher came over to our table completely distraught, sat down, and asked us why we got double-paid this month.
16 I sort of listened, but I'm almost completely deaf in my left ear, so I didn't hear a lot of the conversation. He was bemoaning the fact that he got TWO paychecks yesterday, and that he was on the twelve-month payment plan.
17 Teachers get paid once every six months, or once a month for ten months, or once a month for twelve months. At least that's the way it's been for ages. I know thiings have been changing lately, but I've just been too busy to pay attention. Plus I have been so broke that I can't even afford to pay attention. <rimshot>
18 Well, last year a few things came through the mail about changes in our payment plan. I was WAY too busy to read carefully, so I just waited for the bottom line, which was that if you were on the twelve-month plan, everything was going to remain normal.
19 I usually too busy to look deeper into such things unless I'm suddenly going to have a month with no pay, so I just went on with my business, which is essentially ignoring a bunch of school emails.
20 So while having pizza and some water yesterday, I heard that we had TWO paychecks. There was some formula that caused it, although for the life of me, I have NO idea why we would get two paychecks.
21 This guy was worried that maybe later in the year we would get no paycheck, because you NEVER get a bunch of money thrown your way without consequences.
22 Well, some union people explained it to the guy, and it turns out that somehow, we didn't get paid something somewhere, and that now we get two paychecks.
23 I was WAY too deaf and too busy to check out why, but when I got my check, it was TWO full checks!
24 Now teachers don't get paid much, but because of my 15 college units, I was already doing pretty well for a teacher. When I opened the first check, it was already pretty substantial.
25 The second check took a while to open. You know how you get nervous when something like that happens? I started to open it, used scissors VERY carefully for fear I might cut the thing up, and it turned upside down, wouldn't open, and when it did, opened from the left side, so it was all very naturally suspenseful.
26 I didn't know if I had ten dollars or five-thousand dollars to be honest with you.
27 When it finally revealed itself, I almost went over! I must have looked at it around twelve times, because it essentially gave me a HUGE amount of money.
28 And word on the street is that it is all mines!
29 Mines. I just thought of how much money I have thrown into the great big mean education machine over the years, something Ponch and I used to talk about. We once figured that we probably collectively gave over $50,000 over the years. So I wasn't the least bit guilty about suddenly getting a goodly sum.
30 I immediately thought of traveling around the world and living it up like a millionaire, but then decided to put it safely in the bank. I think I learned that from Mary Poppins.
31 When I got to the bank, I kept looking around me for fear of muggers. I was really nervous because I had NEVER put that much money into the bank. I don't go tellers, and I don't trust automatic deposit, so I was at an ATM, scared to death. I don't know why, but I just kept thinking that someone was going to mug me and take my money.
32 The machine took both checks, but only recognized one, which also almost gave me a heart attack.
33 I canceled the entire transaction and started again. The machine took my card in like a rollercoaster that is just beginning to click slowly upwards. I was SURE the machine was chewing my checks up and was going to give me some sort of angst.
34 Within seconds, it registered, and then the monitor told me that I was now fabuloulsy rich!
35 I honestly didn't know what to do next. I thought of buying tickets to Rome or something, but instead, I headed for Savers.
36 It was really awesome. I thought of how you always read that rich people are rich because they DON'T spend, so I just thought Savers for some new ties!!!
37 It was absolutely grand! Savers on Calaveras had a ton of shiny, new ties that cost virtually nothing. Some were brand, spanking new! I came home with around $100 worth of ties, but spent a little over ten bucks for them!
38 So I know people don't want to hear about others suddenly becoming at least a tad wealthy, but dude. It NEVER happens, and usually when it does, however much money suddenly comes in is countered by a car engine going down, or some other calamity.
39 At least that's been my observation of those rare occasions when money finds its way to us.
40 So I think I'll splurge and go back to savers for that twelve-dollar office chair that was in mint condition. The one I have is a lowrider, and is profoundly absurd.
41 After that, I fully intend to build myself financially, and to spend cautiously.
42 After all, that's what we millionaires do.
43 But honestly? I'm really sort of waiting, because usually situations like this are an easy come/easy go situation.
44 But for one grand day, I'm going to enjoy my shaky riches!
45 Very fun.
46 It's 9/1/10. You guys have a good day. I'm going to buy a kayak.
47 Peace.
~H~
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