June 8, 2010
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The Daily News
1 Isn't it funny how the internet seems to slowwwwww down every time you're in a hurry?
2 How do we GET into "hurries" in the first place?
3 It's funny, 'cuz I keep trippin' lately on how if artificial intelligence can pinpoint where we are, and draw MAPS to where we think we are headed, then it must be some amazingly intelligent artificial intelligence.
4 Case in point: yesterday was the prime day for teacher to go to the copy room and use the copiers to copy their finals, which begin today.
5 I thought I was a pretty slick dude and headed there immediately after school yesterday, just to beat the crowds.
6 When I arrived, BOTH copiers had the measles, or some stuff.
7 There were red marks indicating that there were paper jams everywhere one could look.
8 Being a veteran of these foreign wars, I reversed field and walked back up to my classroom to grade more papers.
9 After about an hour of cleaning my room, clearing stuff out, and all the rest, I decided that whoever was trying to battle the copiers was probably done, and that all the paper jams and such were fixed.
10 WRONG.
11 Our former librarian had TWO copiers acting ridiculous, with paper jams in each.
12 I introduced my theory to her, which was this: if computerized things can pinpoint where you are and where you are headed in a car, then they are smarter than newborns. I began pondering that our computers have finally reached the point of going beyond human intelligence, and by degrees, human mischief.
13 They just KNOW.
14 My latest in a history of conspiracy "theories".
15 To put your frabjous minds at ease, I don't REALLY think that, but thanks for thinkin' I did.
16 Still...it's a thought. Our computers are gaining intelligence so much faster than our minds can that it is not inconceivable at all that they might also pick up on our human idiocy, and our human tendency toward mischief and practical jokes.
17 I personally never thought there was ever anything practical about practical jokes.
18 But doing little things to irritating people might be another thing entirely.
19 Like if a co-worker is really obnoxious and mean, it's pretty easy simply to move their trash can to the opposite side of their desk.
20 Not a practical joke, really, which randomly chooses someone, but one in which you have an actual jerk that might need a small payback.
21 So I sometimes wonder about computers and computer-operated things, of which there is a myriad assortment.
22 Like copiers. The always seem to know when someone is in a hurry, and know exactly how to paper jam. They will SHOW you where every single paper is jammed, and even though you clear every single place they show, they will still show you the same places and then not work.
23 You start by bending over and opening everything that has a neon indicator on it, things with handles and dials that turn. You will find papers jammed right away, so that you get TRICKED into thinking you've handled the situation, but it's never enough.
24 The machine wants you to open things that don't go anywhere near paper. The sometimes have a latch that leads to nowhere, like the Winchester Mystery House latch. You open it and it's just a hinged door that does seemingly nothing.
25 So yesterday I saw our former librarian getting on her knees, reaching in like she was looking for a missing sock, and thought to myself, "That machine is having a belly laugh right now. Probably is sending messages out to all the other copiers too."
26 I tried helping, but only to be polite. I mentioned artificial intelligence to her, and she sort of chuckled.
27 My newest conspiracy theory.
28 I wound up walking out of the room, cleaning out a bunch of stuff from my classroom, and going over to Kinkos, where if a machine doesn't work, you just move to another. I got my finals run in about four seconds. Cost me eleven bucks, but was so worth it. I then smiled that the school copier could no longer harm me this year. Take that, mon ami. I assume it's male.
29 Moving on, Part the First: I got to spend some time with Caitlin last night.
30 She leaves for Sacto on Saturday.
31 I've been so wrapped up in getting all my boushit done that the depth of that hasn't even occurred to me yet.
32 It certainly has been in the back of my mind.
33 So we spent a little time boushittin'. Made a huge mess. I broke a cup and a plate in the same night when cleaning up. I think I was in a hurry, for whatever reason. I also think I have more emotional stuff going on than I think this week.
34 I sometimes get a half-step off during times like these. When Mom passed away last year, I kept crashing into things and knocking stuff over, and dropping things. It isn't deliberate, just these thoughts that you don't want to imagine enter my mind and everything stops, including hand/eye coordination. I think it's called getting old.
35 Anyway, it was nice to spend some time with K.T. We talked jobs, Giants, and general fun stuff.
36 Immina miss you, K.T.
37 A lot.
Caitlin in Capitola
38 <tear>
39 Moving on, Part the Second: I think I'll do some gardening today. Not sure. Where'd I put my coffee cup?
40 Have a nice day everyone.
41 Oh, there it is.
42 Peace.
~H~
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