May 27, 2010
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The Daily News1 So…Art Linkletter walks into a bar…
2 Art Linkletter was this teeveee host in the immortal 50′s and 60′s who used to ask the most innocent questions to little kids.
3 Among other things, he wrote a series of books about kids called Kids Say the Darndest Things.4 Whimsical, witty, and admired by millions, his best schtick was his ability to draw hiliarious comments from little kids. Here are a few gems from his first book:
Quotes from Art Linkletter’s best-seller Kids Say the Darndest Things. Linkletter is the questioner.
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Have you ever been in love?
No, but I’ve been in like.
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Any brothers or sisters?
A 2-month-old brother.
How does he behave?
He cries all night.
Why is that, do you think?
He probably thinks he’s missing something on television.
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(Little girl, asked about her pets): I used to have a duck but it ran away. Then I had a turtle, but my father stepped on it. Then I had three goldfish, but my sister put water softener in their bowl and they softened to death.
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My father’s a schoolteacher.
That’s a fine profession. Does he like it?
He only has one thing to complain about.
What’s that?
The kids.
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Any brothers or sisters?
No.
Would you like some?
Sure, I’m lonesome.
What does your mother say when you ask for one?
She just groans.
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What would you like to be?
A stewardess.
What if a plane was in danger over the Rocky Mountains?
I’d put parachutes on everybody and if there wasn’t any parachutes I’d sew up sheets into parachutes real fast and put in extra pillows so if the sheets ripped on the way down, they could always land on the pillows.
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What did your mommy tell you not to say?
My mother told me not to tell any of the family secrets, like the time she dyed her hair blonde and it came out purple.
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Did you see Santa this year?
See him? I fixed him a bourbon and water.
5 Art will be missed. Here’s a GREAT You Tube hosted by Bill Cosby. Enjoy!
6 Absolutely engaging! Great stuff.7 Moving on, Part the First: So…can anyone explain to me how Crystal Bowersox is NOT the American Idol?8 I told you that stuff was probably rigged. People BET on American Idol.9 It isn’t like it has a commissioner, and rules to be ignored.
10 Ah, vell. I won’t even go there, even though I just did.11 Time to move on.12 Moving on, Part the Second: I see Obama has joined forces with Arizona in his sudden disdain for illegal immigrants. The more I see of this guy, the more his true colors start to emerge. How could he NOT see blatant racism happening in Arizona? When you set the precedent that it is okay to pull someone over because they are “of color”, or because some random law officer thinks you might be “illegal”, or a “drug-smuggler”, or a “terrorist”, you are condoning racism.13 I’m still holding my breath with the guy, but he has gone down, down, down in my eyes. His latest decision that essentially declares war on Mexico will be his downfall, and soon we will have our Repubz back.14 What a disappointment that guy is.
15 A lunatic is indeed in the house.16 Moving on, Part the Second: Interestingly, at our teachers’ meeting yesterday, a teacher was telling us about a unit he does on Don Quixote de la Mancha, by Miguel Cervantes.17 It is the story of a man who goes insane from too much reading, and sees himself as a knight set out to save the world.18 I looked up, and just thought of how interesting it was that this week’s DN theme seems to keep coming back to lunacy and craziness, especially each time I see the racist moguls and greedy sorts continually controlling and ruining our planet. When I go on about it, I realize that anyone who steps up will often look like a raving lunatic. Normal people put on pleasantries and don’t tend to rant. I’m not sure how to approach getting the truth out there. So I usually return to niceties and pleasantries as well. It’s what normal people do.19 This is why at times, I feel like simply donning a bunch of scrap metal, hopping on a sway-backed horse, and heading out to right all wrongs, perhaps with a spaghetti pot on my head.20 Cartoon madness. And then if I truly am a real hero, slaying a dragon, or rescuing a fair damsel in distress.21 Dulcinea.22 I think I’m going to go out to the garage right now and see if I could shine up my armor, and then I’m going to ride into Spain to tilt at a few windmills.23 Enjoy your day. Join a good cause. Read, and learn.24 You guys rock.25 Peace.
