April 19, 2010
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The Daily News
1 On Friday this really nice girl asked me, "Mr. H, can I write <unintelligible> on your board?"
2 I'm going full-board deaf in my left ear, so it was absolutely ridiculous trying to figure out what she was saying.
3 Lemme explain. My room has cathedral ceilings, and AMPLE room, but it also causes deeeeefness. I couldn't really hear a word she said, but I KNEW her as an awesome kid with lotsa integrity.
4 I also knew that she wanted to write something good on the board. She mentioned something about helping give to some cancer cause, so I said, "Sure, go ahead."
5 I got on with the lesson, and she slipped behind me and took some of my erasable markers with her in order to make her statement.
6 I give vocabulary tests on Fridays, and the first part of the period is devoted to allowing students a little time for study, so the girl had time to make a reasonably pretty design, using the colorful markers.
7 Within seconds, the class started giggling and making comments.
8 As an wise old codger, I knew instinctively that something was up.
9 I turned and looked at my whiteboard. She had written in tall letters of pink this:
10 I LOVE BOOBIES!!!!
11 Being an intellectual in all things except frisky students, I instantly turned about eight-hundred shades of red.
12 Well, I looked back at her, with EXPO eraser marker still in her hand, and said, "Uh...could you ERASE that instantly?"
13 At this point, the entire class was in hysterics!
14 Was I flustered?
15 Ah...not really. I joined the class in one of those fun laughs that happen in school.
16 But truly.
17 I really didn't have to coax her too much; she erased it and wrote something else about contributing to fighting cancer.
18 Ah, fun stuff!!
19 The things they don't teach you in college. It's funny because it was two days in a row in two different classes that the word "boobies" assailed the room, in all its glory.
20 I informed the girl that last Saturday I had donated $100 to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society through KGO's 30th annual drive. I also had them put my donation in memory of my Mom.
21 Here's their link if you are interested in donating:
http://www.leukemia.org/hm_lls
22 Glorious stuff though, really.23 Moving on,Part the First: I got a chance to visit with my Dad this weekend. He had had an "episode" in which he fell asleep in the afternoon, slept through dinner and his nightly insulin shot, and awakened later unable to move.
24 He somehow managed to get up and go to bed, and all was essentially well, but I decided to visit him on Saturday and watch the Giants/Dodgers game with him. 25 I couldn't even TELL you who the announcers were, as it was I guess nationally televised, which meant it was a 50-50 shot the announcers would be terrible. Well, they were. But they closed in on one of the guys, who was wearing a pink ribbon to support women with breast cancer.
26 My Dad turned to me and said, "That guy just won first place!"
27 I laughed, knowing that the little "episode" hadn't dulled his wit any. I shared the story of last year on my Mom's birthday, an almost identical situation had occurred. This was just a few weeks before she passed away, and of course we were worried about her, as she was getting a bit forgetful. I was in her room watching a Giants' game, as always,when I noticed that Tim Lincecum had this huge necklace on.
28 It looked a little like one of those glow necklaces you see at concerts, and on the 4th of July. Looking at the screen, I asked aloud, "What does Lincecum have round his neck?" Without hesitation, my Mom looked at me and said, "Probably a picture of you." Ah, Moms!
29 She stayed pretty darned sharp right up 'til the end.
30 We have her birthday, Mother's Day, and the anniversary of her passing coming up in May, so it's going to be an interesting time. It brings a lot of it back, but it also brings some of my best memories as well.
31 That was one, and one of the best little laughs I've had in a while.
32 Thank goodness for goodness. Thank goodness for humor. Life can get so serious so much of the time, and it's always nice when someone comes in and sets us straight, whether it is a sweet attempt at enlightening other students to the need to give to breast cancer, a quick comment about what a guy is wearing, or a humorous reply to an inane comment: thank goodness for goodness.
33 Moving on, Part the Second: It's once again past 4 in the morning. On Friday, a parent called me on my lunch break. My first inkling was not to answer the phone at all, because we have duty-free lunch, but at the last moment, I did. She demanded that I meet with her this morning, at 7:30. She wanted to discuss her son's grade. I KNEW this meant extra work for me, because I had to dig through his assignments and what he's been up to. I like to be really prepared in order to help the parent and the student.
34 When I looked at his grade from last grading period, it was an F, and by a longshot. His average was like fifty per cent. I added up all his current work and got the same result. He had simply not been turning things in, like huge assignments. He had consistently skipped a couple of tests, and was clearly not doing his work. That's the usual case in these sorts of situations.
35 I could have told her that over the phone, but some people insist on a face-to-face encounter, and it is always a little extra work. It's also what we do. As annoying as it is having to come in early, I'd rather have a parent who cares than one who doesn't. Make sense?
36 I also have to rehearse exactly what I'm going to say, because it is difficult for the parents. In this instance, however, it looks like this guy decided that school is not happening in the Spring.
37 So yesterday my rehearsal went something like this:
Parent: "Why is my son getting an F?"
Me: "Because I couldn't give him a G."
38 Apple. Tree. Thought I'd share.
39 It's Monday. I'm in early, so gotta sleep.
40 Fly low.
41 Peace.
~H~
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