November 5, 2009

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  I am better now. Word of honor. I am better now.

     

   

  The Daily News
  

   

  1  I am forever grateful for the curing power of sleep. Without question, it is the greatest cure for depression ever invented. If only people would listen.

   

  2   Yesterday disappeared like a grey sky. Not a bad thing at all, because yesterday was among the toughest days I've had this year. A troubled mind drave me not to sleep on Tuesday night, and all day long it was all I could do not to have a nervous breakdown. Everything seemed dark and depressing.

   

  3   For whatever reason I was exhausted and depressed beyond belief. Fortunately, I am well aware that the two go hand in hand, and that in most cases, depression is the result of poor sleeping habits.

   

  4   I am therefore forever grateful for the invention of the simple nap!

   

  5   For the first time all year I dragged myself to school and barely made it through the day. I was shaky and tired from an entire night of disturbing thoughts and worry.

   

  6   What's interesting is that I learned a LONG time ago that if you wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep, you need simply to repeat LOUDLY in your own head one word: sleep.

   

  7   I realized way back then that you can't solve any of life's woes in the middle of the night, and that you may totally ruin the next day, and even the next if you don't get a good night's sleep.

   

  8   I also learned a long time ago that you can't control things that you can't control, so it is always best to smile and move ahead, and to put depressing thoughts or concepts instantly behind. Very healthy attitude.

   

  9   And that there are people who will either let you down, or who will not behave the way YOU would want them to. Hey, get a helmet. Let others live, and keep your focus on your own personal happiness and health.

   

  10  How much of our lives are frittered away with trying to live other peoples' lives? More than you'll ever imagine. We all have family, friends, lovers, kids, acquaintances, and fancy dancers, all of whom move in and out of our lives. I'm a bit of a worrier, and I tend to worry about nearly everyone, which isn't always a wise thing to do.

   

  11  When you love lots of people, you also take their lives into your thoughts, and hope they will be okay and all right. Often you watch them make major life blunders and idiotic decisions, and you want like crazy to reach out and lend a hand.

   

  12  It is usually better to back off and let them learn on their own, and simply to smile and be a supportive person.

   

  13  That's not always easy when you worry about so many. I think two days ago I worried and worried and worried about people before I realized that a) they either don't know or don't care that I'm deeply worried, or b) it is best to be there for them silently.

   

  14  Especially old or young people, both categories of which do some pretty addlebrained things. Young people do things so addlebrained that it defies all rules of logic, while the elderly sometimes are either stubborn, or have themselves gone into a childish mode. Either way, it is heartbreaking to those of us who are worriers.

   

  15  Normally I am wise enough to keep silent, and to respect other peoples' follies as a part of their own learning and growth as people, and to simply be there when things fall apart, as often they do. I'm also there to celebrate when grand dreams come true.

   

  16  Sometimes I try to step in when I see obvious idiocy. This is rarely a good move, unless someone is doing something so self-destructive as to demand intervention.

   

  17  The introduction of drugs, or clearly self-destructive behaviors should sometimes be confronted, whether the people wish for you to do so or not. Steering people away from unhealthy relationships is a cat on a fence, but also sometimes should involve intervention. Watching poor lifestyle changes, while tempting, should probably be avoided in terms of instant intervention.

   

  18  It's a thin line, no matter what it is. Usually, a wise sentence works best. Having someone give what you have said a bit of thought, only to come back and say with a smile, "You're right. I was being pretty dumb." can be rewarding, since you usually want what's best for those you care about.

   

  19  But it is, as stated, a thin line, and knowing right when to back off can be an art.

   

  20  When a lot of people are suddenly going through a lot of tough things, it becomes stressful, and can keep a person up all night with worry.

   

  21  I think that's what happened to me on Tuesday night. It was a perfect storm of massive worry. I wasn't too concerned about myself, but of a bunch of others. Each one ran through my mind for minutes at a time, almost like a life flash of my concerns and love for friends and family.

   

  22  The cryptic DN of yesterday reflected this, and looked a bit like madness caught buzzing in a jar.

   

  23  As me old friend and confidant Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. put it so eloquently in his classic book, "I am better now. Word of honor. I am better now."

   

  24  Moving on: Enough of that folderol. It is truly a waste of precious time, which most people do on a daily basis.

   

  25   I notice in all of this that the Yankees won the World Series.

   

  26   So it goes.

   

  27   Moving on, Part the Second:  Blogging causes insomnia. I don't consider myself a "blogger" mainly because I consider myself among the first amateurs ever to make an idiot of himself publicly by posting the first DN in 1996.

   

  28   The DN is ensconsed in useless history, beginning in the hallowed halls of the YB Performing Arts department all those years ago. We needed some kind of communication to take place when we took on the enormous Guys and Dolls, and given the amazing climate of the times, I hopped on board and invented this playfully articulate nonsense.

   

  29  Two days in a row I used both the nine of clubs AND the word "ensconsed".

   

  30  AnywayZ I'm up again at 3 a.m. dealing with a rested this time bout of insomnia, only a much nicer dose than I had the night before last, when I was hit with what was undoubtedly a head full of demons, and anguish the likes of which I haven't suffered in years.

   

  31  Moving on, Part the Third: It was a deep date with madness, and I'm glad to see that it was a mere anomaly.

   

  32   We all have them, but when you publicly put yourself out there every day, sometimes people are going to see it.

   

  33   So it goes.

   

  34   Moving on, Part Four: That was an esc button with a quickness!  Well, yesterday me old friend and confidant Jeff Love sent me an e-mail that pointed out the nine of clubs I found on a sidewalk the other night. He said that the spades formed an "H", which I thought was rather cool. Have a look:

   

                                                                                    

                                                                             

   

   

   

  35   I thought it was rather quaint. A lot of Heidi stuff has gone down in the past week, so when I found the nine, I KNEW it would have some kind of follow-up. When I saw the Starry Night backdrop on So You Think You Can Dance, I mentioned it in yesterday's DN. Everything from then turned crazy and exhausting. But Jeff's e-mail helped turn it around.

   

  36  By the way, when I tried to center the picture of the nine of clubs just now, Xanga refused to allow me to left-justify the rest of today's DN. I had to try to center it by hand, no reason, just weird.

   

  37  I didn't mind, because in a way, it tucked it all in snugly, and I am back to me old droll and waggish self.

   

  38  I must say it feels fun once more.

   

  39  So indeed, while others may still be struggling despite any nonsensical musings from me, I have managed to turn it around in one quick evening.

   

  40  So last night was a good sort of insomnia, a cosmic turnaround of sorts. And yes.

   

  41   I am better now.

   

  42   Word of honor.

   

  43   I am better now.

   

  44   Peace.

   

                                                                                                                      ~H~

   

   

                                                                                                                        

    

                                                                                                 www.xanga.com/bharrington

   

   

   

   

   

  
   

  
   

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