Monday, November 30, 2009

Ain’t she sweet? See her walkin’ down the street. Well I ask you very…confidentially Ain’t she sweet?     The Daily News   1   Ah, one more insominiacal DN! But a GOOD one, lemme tellya! And I definitely hooked y’all with that little cupcake up above lol! WELL! <sha-WING!>   2   We brought Dad home from the hospital on Saturday night, and he looked amazing!   3   We asked, almost expecting a “NO!” if he wanted to go to the Niners’ game on Sunday.   4   His response was almost, “Are you KIDDIN’ me?” He had absolutely no doubt that he wanted to watch the Niners live on Sunday afternoon! And he STILL had all sorts of hospital boushit hanging from his chest!   5   Well, after contemplating who should go with him, I was selected, since my niece had a slight cold.   6    So yesterday I dressed in my finest Niner regalia: a Joe Montana jersey (which despite my best friend from childhood’s remark, “Joe! My, how you’ve let yerself go!”) made me laugh last time I donned it, made me want to wear it even moreso, since I’ve lost around 15 pounds in a few weeks! Trust me, I still look like the Wreck of the Hesperus, but I also look a LOT better than I did a few weeks ago.   7   AnywayZ…   8   I ragged out in support of my team. Dad wore an old hat, and brought his binoculars, as always. I made two fantastic sandwiches, which we both ate at the tailgate, and all turned out indeed, good beyond life.   9   When we arrived at Candlestick, we were harrassed by a very serious muthafukka who wanted to know WHO owned the green T000000NDRA. I said, “Me.” The guy asked whose “placker” was hangin’ from my mirror.   10  The poor fool meant “placard”.   11  The reference was for the handicap placard hanging from my mirror. Hello. My Dad has crashed in an airplane, been hit by a car, has at least sixteen different cancers, has diabetes, anemic conditions, and scars from head to toe, and this guy wanted to know if he was counterfeiting his “placker”.   12  As a world reknowned pacifist, I almost decked the guy. The only thing that stopped me was 1) Huge fine ($). and 2) Huge fine.   13  He shook my Dad down about the “placker”. He asked my Dad for proof and stuff that he was indeed the guy whose “placker” hung from my mirror.   14  After I gave the guy the placard, he looked at both of us askance.   15   He looked us up and down, and then asked, “Who’s Shirley?”   16   My Dad almost lost it, but remained a knight.   17   “That’s my wife,” he replied.   18   The guy looked around, Sherlock Gangsta. “Where is she?”   19    Dad, almost in tears, but much the man, replied, “Why, she has passed…”   20    ”You know it’s illegal to use someone else’s placker!” said he.   21     At that point, I felt it was almost WORTH it to deck the guy, get fined, and lose all credibility as a pacifist.   22    I didn’t. I just stood up for my Dad. “Look, my Mom passed away in May; they had two ‘plackers’, and he misplaced his own.”   23    The guy was unmoved. “It is illegal to use someone else’s placker!” he insisted.   24     I knew he was right, but that he was also an idiot. I decided that rather than decking him right there, that I’d play along.   25    “Okay, what would you like us to do?”   26     Well, that confused him, because he clearly had expected me to get into his face and rage against the machine.   27     I remained calm, which I got from my beautiful Dad.   28     After a few calls upstairs, some walking and talking with a colleague, the guy finally came back and said, “Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. I need to confiscate the existing placker, and whatchu gotta do is go to the DMV and get yourself a new placker!”   29    All I thought was that now Dad won’t be able to get premium parking each time he goes to the hospital, which has been frequently in the past nine years. I was livid, but the look on Dad’s face told me to suffer this fool, and let’s enjoy the sunshine and the day.   30   We ended pretty copestic, and Dad now has no “placker’ for handicap parking, even though he is a clear handicapped person. The “H” side of me wanted to clobber this guy and have his badge, but when I looked into my Dad’s eyes, I saw that he just wanted to enjoy the day with me. The sun warmed my sanity, and we went on to have one of the best days we have ever spent.   31  From the fear of being swallowed by the long escalator at Gate F, to the roar of the crowd when the Niners entered the field, we enjoyed an absolutely incredible day, culminating in a Niner victory AND a Cardinal defeat, putting the Niners two games out of first. Some idiot flew his SUV in front of us during the exit, almost crashing into the T000000NDRA, but we survived, and I had the greatest time of my life with my Dad yesterday. And that could be a bar none, nothing personal lol!   32  I got home, ate some form of turkey sandwich, and crashed at around 8:30, by design.   33   I KNEW I would awaken at around 1 a.m., went online to see an e-mail from a dear friend, and wrote the DN instantly.   34   So all in all, it was one of the best nights of the entire year, even though I fell asleep early. As I said, I awoke at some ungodly hour, and smiled with utmost joy when I took to writing this DN.   35   Thanks again to all who wrote nice thoughts, good wishes, and holiday love. I’ve been through all of it in the past few days, and yesterday showed the world that miracles, indeed, do happen.   36   Open your arms wide; miracles happen.   37   A dear friend has reminded me of that time and again.   38   Thanks so much everyone. You’ve proven a lot to me in recent days.   39   So much love.   40   Thanks, and peace. All’s well.   ~H~       www.xanga.com/bharrington

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
Jon Stewart

The Daily News

1  Well, Happy Thanksgiving!

2   I love Jon Stewart.

3   I recall last year at this time walking out to my front yard to rake up the autumn leaves and running into my neighbor.

4   We usually are in too much a hurry to stand and talk about everything and nothing.

5   But last year, with my Mom still filling our lives and hearts with her humor and intelligence, it seemed a perfect time to talk and ask about our respective lives.

6   We both found quite early in the conversation that in both our lives, everyone was still alive and reasonably healthy.

7   The sun warmed us as it came through the fall trees, and all was well.

8    We both knew that our families and friends have all been going through a great deal, but that this particular Thanksgiving, all was well.

9    I loved that conversation. It bordered on spiritual, even though we both were just going outside to rake leaves because we were having people over.

10   Thanksgiving has very little to do with anything historical anymore. It certainly has a little to do with food, but what is important to me is that Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for everything you have, more importantly, for family and friends.

11   I have this thing that I love my family, and that is a constant. I also realize that I love everybody who I ever regarded as a friend. That is also a constant. We take it all so much for granted, and yet I can’t think of anyone I ever became friends with that I don’t still love despite distance, years, or time. Life is so short, as I found last year when my Mom had to leave us and go somewhere nice.

12  As we walk placidly through the next few days, smile and appreciate all you have. It is so easy these days to grouse and to complain about hard times, petty disagreements, people who annoy, and all the rest.

13  That’s a waste of valuable time.

14   Life is precious, and those we love even more precious. I am thankful that most everybody who was around last year is still around this year. I love family and friends, and wish I had world enough and time to get spend time with everybody I know and love.

15   The next best thing, I imagine, is that they can all rest assured that they are all in my heart these next few days.

16   That would be all of you! I have never met a person that I don’t still consider to be my friend. And when I do happen upon people, it always lights up my heart.

17   The more I walk through this life, the more I appreciate every single moment.

18   When my neighbor and I had stopped the entire world and simply chatted about everything and nothing last Thanksgiving, the great unspoken was that next year we might not have the people in our lives who are healthy and here now. We both had several near misses last year, but we also both smiled that everybody was still here and blessed.

19   It takes a little life experience to understand that.

20   This year I still have people in my life who are elderly, or in ill health, or who are by the grace of the Creator of the Universe still here.

21   Nothing else is more important. Turkeys, food, football, autumn leaves, and puffy clouds notwithstanding, nothing is more important.

22   I am truly thankful to have all of you still in my life, and I still love everybody.

23   Have a fun and safe Thanksgiving everybody.

24    May we all raise a glass and enjoy the many more.

25    Live life, love life.

26    Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

  I worked well into the evening last night, determined to finish off my grades. Grades are the midterms and finals of teachers, if you could relate.

AnywayZ

I spent eight hours after school finishing everything up, and at exactly 11 p.m.

I conquered.

I walked outside and looked to the Santa Cruz Mountains from my post at the Chill.

I looked and saw a Cheshire Moon.

The Daily News

1  To be sure, it was absolutely perfectly timed.

2   For three or four weeks now I’ve battled so many things, and one of the biggest is ALWAYS the grade deadline.

3   For three weeks I’ve spent every weekend grading papers and keeping after all of that, and it STILL always kicks my happy ass every time it comes around.

4   But last night I worked beyond what my limits were, exhausted, but focused and resolved, as though life itself depended on my leaving at 11 p.m. and looking to the night sky.

5   I conquered triumphantly, and wandered into the rather balmy darkness of the night.

6   When I looked out and saw that smile, I returned one of my own smiles in kind. Only the moon understood my past three weeks, or month, or whatever.

7   I now am free, at least for a few weeks. I have absolutely NO idea what I’m going to throw at my students tomorrow.

8   Part of the reason I fall so far behind every now and again is that I try to put my efforts into the actual lessons, where I can animate, move, twist, wink, and land great lines rather than walking in each day exhausted and unable to deliver because I’ve been doing paperwork.

9   So I pace the paperwork, move it to weekends, and try to stay as lively and ready each day. Working out helps, because let’s face it: when you are in front of people on a daily basis, the better shape you’re in, the more animated and alive you can become.

10  When I was a bit more overweight, I hid behind a podium and clutched the thing for dear life.

11  Now that I’m in a little better shape, I can move, pace, stop, give snap turns prowl at will, which works to keep the students much more engaged.

12   And NOW I’ve read everything they’ve written, and even though it’s a LOT of work, the students do know when you’ve done your homework.

13   Ah, just talking a bit of shop here because I’m feelin’ me oats tonight!

14    Bottom line is I just did the equivalent of four midterms. As Wolcott told me that a friend told her, I didn’t even have time to poop.

15   M’bad.

16   One thing the DN has always respected is the avoidance of potty humor.

17   That one made me laugh though.

18    Moving on: I had to move on, as it is important to know exactly when to reverse field and to take the high road.

19    Mmmm. Smells clean around this computer, like a whisp of shampoo.

20    It’s great to see that on Thanksgiving night, they’ll be playing the Paul McCartney concert from NYC. At a weak moment in Starbucks, I bought the DVD, which is actually a double CD and DVD all for $16. I thought it the deal of the century, and darned if I’m not right on that one. Great tunes from a goodly, friendly chap who has been through it all.

21   Sometimes, man.

22   Anyway, I always think of Paul as an old mate, a goodly chum from the town of Always.

23   The music is simply immortal at this point in my life. I played it the other night, and had a completely lovely, rockin’ night.

24   Give it a look. Paul looks good, and sounds good. And the songs are eternally a part of me.

25    It’s called  Good Evening New York City and it really is a whole lotta fun.

26    It doesn’t have “Blackbird” on it, which to me is a bit of a disappointment, as I’ve been trying to land that tune on the guitar.

27    But it has enough fo entertain the many more.

28    Well, that’s about it for today. Jimmy Kimmel is talking about Heidi Klum, but I ain’t feelin’ it.

29    I do need to figure out a nice plan for tomorrow. The last time this happened, I wound up improvising one of the best lessons ever!  So I’m not too worried.

30    Aight then, go into today with all the love and stuff you can bring. It’s the day before the day before Thanksgiving. Can’t wait!  Yesterday I called Dad, and he TOTALLY kept food down all day.

31    Miracles.

32    Open your arms. They happen.

33     I hope a miracle happens for you today.

34     Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

The Daily News

1  I vacationed at the VA Hospital in San Francisco on Friday.

2  This was the place we took my Dad to for his surgery.

3   To begin, his surgery was a complete success, and for the first time in around four years he will finally be able to hold down food.

4    His operation had been scheduled for 6 a.m., making for a very early morning and amazing excursion to this rather unique facility in the heart of the Land’s End area of San Francisco.

5    We got in there, and my Dad had this terrifically gorgeous nurse polking and prodding, looking for a vein. He looked fine, and in fact was enjoying the fact that so nice a nurse was helping him.

6    My sister told me earlier that she said, “Do you have any questions?” to which my Dad answered, “Not now, but if I were younger, I’d have a LOT of questions!”

7    She took out a mallet and popped him over the head. She reminded me a little of Jessica Rabbit, the only cartoon character I ever had a crush on:

 
The sultry Jessica Rabbit

8  Well, she didn’t QUITE look like that. Her movements were more reminiscent of Harpo Marx. She wore a huge cloak and had a funny hat on, and kept dropping syringes on the floor. It reminded me of the scene in the Marx Brothers’ classic film Animal Crackers when Harpo shakes hands with an inspector named Hennessey, causing silverware to fall out of Harpo’s coat. This prompts Groucho as Captain Spaulding to remark, “I can’t understand what’s delaying that coffee pot!” Within a few more seconds and a little more vigorous hand-shaking, a silver coffee pot falls out of Harpo’s overcoat and clangs to the ground.   

The inimitable Harpo Marx.

9  Anyway, that was how the day began, with lots of laughs and a great medical staff at the VA.

10  They took my Dad in pretty quickly, and so we decided to go hang out in the cafeteria.

11  The VA in San Francisco has this two-tiered cafeteria with an enormous wall-sized window overlooking the Golden Gate. The view was spectacular, as the water from the Pacific crested past us, and the clouds moved in and out with breathtaking artistry.

12  We sat and chatted about everything and nothing. In the early afternoon, my sister Gayle and I walked outside to the Land’s End trail, which stretched from the Golden Gate all the way to the Cliff House. We took a beautiful hike along the hills overlooking the Golden Gate, and stepped out to look at the views.

13   We came back in having broken a nice sweat and a great hike and decided that we should probably return to the surgery waiting room.

14   We got in there, and instantly felt an awesome vibe going on. Right next to us, pulled up at a small coffee table were three psychics, I kid you not! They asked if we would like our fortunes read. At first I was reluctant, but stepped in, almost like enjoying a parlour game on vacation.

15  These gals were instantly riviting and funny, and we fit right in. They threw out Tarot cards. They were there because one psychic’s husband was having hip surgery.

16   Now, I know nothing about Tarot cards, like, zilch. But when I chose a card,it was of a guy holding up some structure, and everybody else toiling all around it.

17   The first psychic looked directly in my eyes and said, “You’re going through a great deal of turmoil right now.”

18    I answered, “Yes.”

19    I was really fascinated.

20    She said this:  “If you look, this person (the one holding the structure) is you. YOU are actually doing fine, in fact, you are really stable, grounded, and have been doing a lot of things to make your life better.”

21   I thought of the 15 units last year, and of the songwriting, the going to the gym now 18 out of the last 21 days, my raise, and of my new devotion to teaching regular classes with the same intensity that I used to direct plays. I answered, “Yes, actually I have been, despite the turmoil.”

22   “You are actually surrounded by lots of turmoil that others are going through. You have been headed in the right direction for some time now.”

23   I stood astounded, when another psychic picked up the card, thought, and then said, “You are very creative.” 

24   I stood a bit astounded, because my sisters and I had been talking about the turmoil surrounding me while in the cafeteria, and I also had told them about my songwriting. This was right on target.

25   She went on: “I’m finding something having to do with your heart.”

26   “Physically or emotionally?” I asked. She wasn’t sure, but I actually have felt my heart get stronger the past few days, and I had just returned from the hike, where it pounded from the uphill. Close enough.

27   There was MUCH more. Heidi, for example, is a guide. We all have guides. She might not be in my life anymore. Regarding nines and ones, the first psychic said this:

“Nine means completion. One is a new beginning.”

28   Somewhere in the past two days I either wrote the very words “new beginning” in the DN, or in some e-mail. It’s too late to check at this writing, but I’ll try to get on that.

29   I also talked quietly to the psychic sitting right next to me and told her that I have experienced a lot of coincidences, to which she responded with a kind smile, “There are no coincidences.”  Last night while reading students’ papers, a student wrote those exact words, “There are no coincidences.” Which to me is a coincidence. I smiled, as always. = )  <——sideways smiley dude

30   There was so much more, some fascinating things, but it’s late, and I need sleep. It has been a lonnnng weekend of grading papers and preparing for getting our grades in by Tuesday.

31   Anyway, Dad is home,  doing great, and should be able to enjoy Thanksgiving. I’m going in a new direction, and don’t it feel good?

32   You have a great Monday; I’ll be able to write more as soon as I post those grades. I’m pretty close to done, so I’m really looking forward to Thanksgiving break, where I’ll have time to relax from all of this “turmoil”.

33   On behalf of my Dad and my entire family, thanks again to everybody who prayed and sent me nice e-mails, comments, and all the rest. You all rock. It meant a lot. So much love.

34    Anyway, sail through the day; it’s Monday.

35    Below is a picture of the exact spot Gayle and I hiked to. It’s a lovely spot.

37    Enjoy your day.

38    Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

   OW! I FEEL GOOD!!!!

People should sing this song every time they awaken.

The Daily News

1  Yesterday I woke up and James Brown’s I Feel Good was the first thing I thought, at around 6 a.m.

2   It occurred to me that mother’s of small children should play this song every single morning at 6 a.m. and get kids up and dancing!

3   Funny, I’m actually a famously good morning person, which surprises a lot of people.

4   I love getting up sometimes as early as 4 a.m. and watching a sunrise.

5   Part of it is that I also have a history of insomnia, so I’m already up after sleeping from maybe 11 p.m. to 4 a.m., so it’s all good. I sometimes manage to get a few meteor showers in as well.

6    Either way, I always manage to wake up bright-eyed and ready to go most days.

7   What’s funny is that I wasn’t always like that.

8    Up to the age of around four I used to NEVER want to wake up, and I’d get crabby and horrid when my Mom would awaken me.

9    One fine day, however, my Mom poked her head in my room and whispered to  me, “Budddddddy, time to get upppp!” and I decided to try an experiment. I thought to myself, “Dude!” (Actually, we didn’t say “Dude” when I was little. The word hadn’t been invented yet.) “You are going to HAVE to get up every morning for the remainder of your life, so why not learn to beat everyone else to it, pop right up, get a shower or something, and you will be refreshed before everyone else is up!”

10  “Dude”, by the way, actually HAD been invented, but it actually had a meaning, which was a guy all dressed up from the East Coast who tries to act like a real cowboy from the West. Here are some classic dudes:

If you were dressed too nicely, and cared about your grooming,
you were considered a “dude”, and the butt of cowboys’ jokes and pranks.

11   So yeah, I said to myself, “Get up immediately, Dude!” and managed to pop right up, start my day ready to rock, and always had a healthy sense of well-being.

12   So yesterday, on very little sleep, I awakened at 6 a.m. For whatever reason, through all the exhaustion, James Brown blasted through my frabjous head. I really wanted to pop right up and start dancing!

13   I also wanted to throw the entire idea out there on my Facebook status, with the picture of James Brown thrown up there to reel in the masses.

14   I actually hopped outta the sack, jumped to the computer, and posted the picture with some sort of quick idea, just to get the idea out there when I remembered that I had called in sick because of exhaustion.

15   It doesn’t really bode well to call in sick and then post a good morning FB FAM with a picture of James Brown and a loud caption, “OW! I FEEL GOOD!!!!”

16   So I took it down instantly, you know, like you do.

17   The entire ordeal happened within the first five minutes of my having awakened, but I just thought of how amazing it would be if we could get children to learn to wake up refreshed, dancing, and ready for a new day.

18   I’m going to try it for a few days and see if it works.

19   If I get up and start dancing and moving, it’ll be eternal, because I’m a terrible dancer. But the image does carry some form of humor, not sure what, but it clearly involves a dancing bear:

20   I just envisioned people doing this every morning, and if enough people are dancing first thing in the morning, it’s going to make for a brighter, cheerier day for the rest of the world.

21   I wrote this edition of the DN last night late, but I was committed to having that the first thing I do this morning on awakening.

22   Moving on:  I missed a coupla days at the gym in there this week due to paper grading, personal biz, and other nuances and life sucker punches, but I sure do intend to hit The Pond this afternoon. I’m still ahead of the game however, to the point that my family had me pose and they said, “Dude!”…okay, they DIDN’T say “dude”…but they did say “Wow, you have no belly!”

23   To which I replied without blinking, “I get the Nobelly Prize!”

24   Buh-dump.

25   <HE’S BAAACCCCCCCCCK!!!!!>

26   Think I’d bettuh go.

27    Y’all have a lovely Thursday, and fer GAWD’SAKES, dance!

28    Make it work.

29    Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

The Daily News

1  So…a horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?”

That’s it.

Laugh today.

Live life.

Love life.

Peace.

www.xanga.com/bharrington

“Did you ever see an unhappy horse? Did you ever see a bird that had the blues? One reason…birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.”

           —Dale Carnegie

Author, How to Win Friends and Influence People

The Daily News

1  Ever just stop right where you are and ask yourself, “Who am I?” It isn’t a bad thing to do, don’tcha know!

2   That happened to me yesterday. With all the boushit I’ve been going through lately, I just caught a glimpse of myself in a tile at The Pond, and wondered what the heck I was trying to prove.

3   Granted, I have made it to The Gym and into The Pond 13 times in the past 15 days.

4   But nothing felt better than giving a lesson on Poe’s The Bells today.

5   I’m still going to keep hitting The Pond every single day, but it IS really strange trying to redefine oneself to the point that we suddenly stop and ask ourselves where the heck we have gone.

6   Polonious told Hamlet, “This above all: To thine own self be true.”

7   Ah, we spend so much of our lives running away from ourselves simply to impress others that we become swiftly horses’ rear ends.

8   I always like when I get off my high horse and come back down to Earth.

9   I had a great friend visit yesterday and give me some incredible advice, very much about remaining true to myself.

10  And don’t get me wrong: I’m going to continue with working out as much as I can, because it has already been an amazing change.

11  Still, after two weeks, I wanted to look in the mirror and see an Adonis, but there was the same Old Brown Shoe, with all the ravages of a wonderful life.

12  In many ways, it humbled me.

13  I went home and stayed focused on gettting my grading done, and on trying to perfect each and every single lesson at school. Nobody has any idea that I spend hours on end doing that, but I do.

14  Sometimes it’s the little things.

15  Every time I go out on a limb to try to impress others, I realize that a part of me leaves, and it isn’t always as joyous making people who we don’t really know that well think we’re more than we are.

16  That’s not intended to be a negative statement by any stretch, I just think it is really important for us to remain true to ourselves, our friends, our families, and our dogs.

17   It is also important to try new things, so long as we keep who we are deep within our own hearts. The good that is intrinsically there is golden.

18   Ah, I think Dale Carnegie had it right in so many ways.

19   I have a million friends and acquaintances now up at the Chill, and it feels wonderful every single day. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But somewhere in there is the same guy who received roses from the senior class his very first year teaching.

20   The guy who brought the King Arthur lesson to life after planning the lesson by reading Tennyson and sitting up all night drinking Cognac. I read about knighthood, and chivalry, and how not to spell it “chilvary”.

21   Not sure where this is headed, except to say that my progression with The Gym is cool so far, but a lot of it isn’t really me. It’s cool if I emerge some muscleheaded fellow I don’t know, but really, it’s more about helping people, and giving it my all in other areas, the DN certainly being one of them.

22  Paul Simon said this in his epic song The Boxer:

No it isn’t strange after changes upon changes

we are more or less the same, after changes

we are more or less the same.

23  I like that lyric.

24  It is so reassuring that we won’t get lost.

25  The fighter, indeed, still remains.

26   Keep fighting.

27   And stay true to you.

28   Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

“Put your hand in an oven for a minute and it will be like an hour; sit beside a beautiful woman for an hour and it will be like a minute.That is relativity.”

— Albert Einstein

The Daily News

1  This past Friday was an interesting day, as it was To Write Love On Her Arms Day, which is a movement about which I knew and know very little, except that students all showed up to class with the word “LOVE” on their arms, along with poems, messages, and other bits of hope.

2  By my second class, it began to trickle in that this is a national movement to show teens and young adults that many people understand that they go through depression, suicidal thoughts, and a feeling of hopelessness, and it is a movement to let them see that millions of people know and care about them.

3  A girl in my class grabbed my arm and wrote LOVE on it, using my Expos, thank goodness, but I got into it, and sent the message off to my DN e-mail constituency. By the end of the day, it was pandemic; the entire school enjoyed a day of LOVE.

4   My students had a vocabulary test, and nearly every test had messages of LOVE on it, and to be honest, it cheered me up a whole lot.

5   Having just gone through a bout of depression in which I became slightly disoriented a couple of weeks ago, I realized that depression could happen to anybody at any time, and that it happens fast.

6   Time for me became a tad distorted. Minutes became hours, so it wasn’t the second part of Einstein’s quote at all. Fortunately, I recognized it pretty quickly and knew that rest was the number one thing needed.

7   I had been having bouts of insomnia that caused it, no doubt. I also decided to begin going to The Gym and then visiting and reaching the best people I know, old friends and new. My best visit was when I went to the Niner game with my Dad.

8   I felt wonderful on Friday, and in fact, I felt completely cured of that brief stint by last Sunday. 

9   We all go through it at certain times; most just don’t talk about it too much. I’m not afraid to share it because I’m cool like that.

10  I missed people, first off. I missed my Mom, as well as lots of people who seemed to still be around, but whom I hadn’t seen in a while. No sleep can cause a sort of natural depression in which time can really move slowly (especially before payday lol!).

11   Fortunately I have felt this sort of thing before, like when my wonderful Class of ’05 departed. I knew all along that all the fun and stuff was temporal, and that I would need to figure ways to keep in touch, but it was still a loss, which I always smiled off as the world’s gain.

12   I missed YB, and the Workshop, but was excited about moving on and up to a new life at the Chill-on-the-Hill. I love it now, but right after ’05 left, I had a lot of trouble just walking around. Sounds dumb, I know, but that’s what severe depression can do.

13   I had a rather eminent front at the time, smiling and encouraging them to continue to grow and to be awesome, while inside I was torn up. I never asked for it; it is just a natural thing that happens to people sometimes.

14   I was able to swim then as well, but I didn’t get out and seek friends or anybody, because you just don’t want to bother people because you just don’t, right? Well, I did have a few people who were awesome, and they know who they are.

15   You don’t want to burden people, but calling on friends who have traditionally had your back, people that perhaps you had also helped through some tough times and whom you know are usually pretty reliable “go to” people is generally a safe bet. You’ve helped them, and they’ve helped you. There is grand trust there. There has to be. Friendships and relationships that are rock solid are important.

16   Getting rest, eating healthier, changing modes to counting everything and everybody that is right in your life helps considerably. And knowing that even people who might not be able physically to be here can still help with just their spiritual presence.

17   Staying away from drugs, alcohol and poor eating habits can also do much to make things a LOT better. Coffee can also get one into a cycle of intense highs, insomnia, deep crashes, followed by irritability until you get your next “dose”.

18   Realizing that you can’t always control things, and accepting that with a bit of Zen and all might help. 

19   Anyway, I knew by the very nature of the shakes and the jits a few weeks ago that I needed to change fast, because I wanted to give this absolutely no chance to go deeper.

20  Well, it worked, and not a moment too soon, as we are at the end of the grading period, and have some huge deadlines all crashing in like thunderous waves right before Thanksgiving.

21  The idea of giving thanks couldn’t have come at a better moment.

22   To everyone who helped me out, and put up with whatever was happening, thank you; I can’t say it enough.

23   I predicted that an old friend might come by and visit you on Friday, and midway through my day, Jenny and Rachael Valdez visited, and it was wonderful seeing them. I had my class all say hi to them, with LOVE written all over their arms. All smiles, ears, and braces. So much love.

24   During lunch, I couldn’t stop gushing about how I loved the kids at EV, and how it was To Write On Her Arms Day, and how the kids were joining this wonderfully amazing movement that is designed to encourage people going through depression that they have lots of friends and support to help them keep their lives healthily and happily.

25   I then began counting a LOT of blessings and goodnesses going on right now, and when I looked up, all three of us smiled because we clearly have much more good than otherwise. The students smiled too!

26   So as we move through the next few weeks, it’s important that we connect with good friends, and thank all family and friends who are there for us, no matter what.

27   Depression is real, and it hits hard and fast. We all need to lean on people a little, but hopefully they will be there for us, with a great big hug of “no matter what”.

28   Those kids brought it on Friday. I don’t often go into talking about such personal stuff on the DN, but maybe if someone else is going through a tough time right now, they might just think of the hundreds of thousands of kids on Friday who put LOVE on their arms, armed for Love.

29   It had an enormous impact on me, so I just thought I’d pass it on this freezing morning.

30   And once again, thanks to everybody, especially my family and close friends, for being strong for the guy who traditionally has known he needs to be strong for others. So a million thanks. I am once again available to serve as a rock.

31   Live life, love life.

32   Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

…caught up in circles confusion is nothing new…

…then you say–go slow–I fall behind

…the second hand unwinds…

 The Daily News

1   I thought I had yesterday totally nailed. I had already done 90 laps at The Gym the previous day, and couldn’t wait to hit The Gym yesterday afternoon, but alas!

2   Fate, in all her glory, stepped in front of my mental TOOOOOONDRA and simply didn’t allow it.

3   First, four different people wanted me to write recommendations, edit homework, or write something for a project they were working on. It wasn’t much, just a bunch coming in all on top of one another. I’m always happy to help, but my plan was to hit The Gym, go home, watch the Niner game, and then chill with editing and recommendations, etc.

4  As always, I helped students first, friends second, and the projects third, to which were added some responses to the DN in which people needed a bit of spiritual support.

5  I took care of as much as I could, fell asleep for a brief spell, awakened, and realized that I hadn’t yet done the DN. I STILL had things I wanted to write to people, or messages I wished to shoot across cyberspace. None ever arrived, really, and probably would have been fruitless anyway.

6   AnywayZ…

7   At at around 9:30 last night I realized that I had never made it to The Gym, and stuffed everything into a backpack, hopped in the immortal TOOOOOONDRA, and headed out.

8  I got all the way there, handed my card to the dude at the front, and headed upstairs to get into my swimming gear.

9  Was completely ready to roll, when I reached into my backpack looking for my swimming goggles.

10  Well, the goggles baggie thingy was in there, but the goggles were gone, sorta like the frame being left in the Louvre, but the Mona Lisa missing.

11  Lousy analogy, but helpful for the slow of study out there.

12  ANYWAYZZZZZZZZZZ…

13   You can’t swim 30 laps without protecting your eyes. I did one of those numbers where you turn everything upside down and inside out, and somehow, the goggles were simply not in their usual place, which was the inside the aforementioned baggie thingy.

14   The reality that I had taken the effort to get off my couch at 9:30 p.m., driven across town for 25 minutes, checked in, walked up the stairs to the mens’ dressing room only to find that my goggles were gone took a few minutes to settle in.

15  I worked so amazingly hard all week, and to be denied caught me by surprise. And yeah, I normally would have hedged my shoulders and moved to the machines, but I think I was just knocked outta sorts enough that I packed stuff up and headed home.

16  Setbacks.

17  Don’t they just hit us every single day?

18   I totally had a plan, and everything else was in place, but even then, I was stopped short.

19   And the funny thing is, I REALLY wanted to continue my physical AND emotional strengthening, which worked one hundred per cent this past week.

20  The setback will, in the scheme of things, become minor, but the fact that I had to stop helping my friends, former students, current students, and myself to go work out, only to be denied was just one of those little life’s tests.

21  My feelings? If this is my biggest worry of the day, then I got no worries.

22  Seriously.

23   Naturally there was more, because we also have those other things that seem to dig into our psyches ever single day, but it made it all seem pretty irrelevant.

24   So I have simply to put that little setback behind me, and not open the portal to every demon that ever haunted me because I lost a stupid pair of goggles. The reality is that if I tried to tell others about how upset I was over something so minor, they’d look at me as though I had twelve heads.

25  Doesn’t that sorta stuff happen to us every single day? We have like one or two huge issues that we are dealing with, the REAL “stingers”, and when they don’t suddenly turn into the deliverance of our hopes, allow other little things throw us into instant turbulence?

26  I try to learn from the little things.

27  We so often take things that are really digging into us and somehow deal with them by taking out our frustrations and pains on ordinary daily happenings, and in some cases, on the people closest to us, that it is almost absurd.

28  I’m quite certain there were other issues than simply missing out on a workout day, and I know darned well what they are, but my focus moved to the idiocy of the moment.

29  Yeesh.

30  You’d have thought the Earth had been hit by a meteor or something.

31  Taking a nice deep breath when things suddenly turn is an important thing.

32   To me, I had been making such tremendous strides in getting over depression that I almost forgot that the world will always throw us a challenge. It doesn’t take a time out for temporary bouts of depression, or in this case, a stupid pair of swimming goggles.

33   My remedy?

34   Shake it off. It’s one thing, and tomorrow everything can turn around if we approach it with fierce optimism. It happened, it’s past, and now we’re here. Today could turn into the best day of the year.

35   So I need to go to the store and buy another pair of goggles. They might be way better, and I may swim better than ever today. Someone I haven’t seen in years may come into my life and make me smile. I may realize, as I did this morning, that my backpack zipper was broken, and that the cursed goggles might have been napping in the back seat of the TOOOOOONDRA. At least that’s my IGT (Immediate Goggle Theory).

36   So I will try to make today the best day of the year. It’s always a good concept to which one should return time and again. Try to make every day the best day of the year. I’ve a grand friend to thank for that.

37  There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.

38   I think that’s the message with which I’ll leave you. Keep fighting. Keep winning, and you’ll be a winner. And really: KNOW you’re a winner, because you are.

39   Yeah, yeah, yeah, well you already know that, haha.

40   Have a beautiful weekend everybody.

41   And just keep fighting; you’ll eventually win. Let nothing stop you. Keep fighting.

42   For realz.

43   Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington