September 1, 2009
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The Daily News1 I got a night job as a manager for Hot Dog on a Stick.
2 …which is okay except for the riDICulous uniform they make us wear.
3 I worked there years ago.
4 Here’s a picture of me, back-in-the-day:
5 Darned spiffy.
6 I quit because I got demoted and had to wear one of those terribly strange Hot-Dog- on-a-Stick hats.
7 I said, “No way.”
8 Fond memories, nonetheless.
9 Moving on: Here is a more recent picture of me:
10 No doubt, I gotta hit the gym.
11 I absolutely goof on how everyone has “to hit the gym” nowadays. It’s total status. It’s become THE fashionable thing to be doing. It’s funny how everyone needs to “hit the gym”.
12 First off, the way they say it implies that EVERYONE is going to the SAME gym.
13 Think about it: the word “the” is a definite article, right? This means that that guy is going to go to THE universal gym.
14 Fads.
15 Making people think they need to get “ripped” has become a multi-billion dollar industry.
16 It’s an industry that thrives on peoples’ insecurities.
17 Ah, vell. This is one you can’t stop.
18 And vy vud you?
19 It’s sorta like going to church just so people could see that you went to church.
20 Anyway, in that picture, I was actually pretty ripped.
21 It was dope.
22
23
24 Moving on, Part the Second: Time for a Dog Joke.
On the door of the little country store a stranger noticed the sign DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Inside he saw a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, “Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”
“Yep, that’s him,” he replied.
The stranger could not help but be amused. “That certainly does not look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”25 If you let me get away with that one, you’re a better man than I.
26 This’d be a GRAND time to get out of dodge.
27 Oh, and I never worked at Hot Dog on a Stick. I was pullin’ your leg.
28 Moving on, Part Two: I’m still trying to understand and comprehend the unutterable amazing attraction that people have for Facebook. It’s clearly one of the strangest things ever, like summer lightning or something.
29 There are about a billion lousy analogies I can use for it. It’s like wearing a suit that is crooked in all sorts of subtle ways, but which you must endure. I can’t put my finger on it except that it’s another fad that virtually EVERYONE is being told they MUST have.
30 I guess I’ll get used to it at some point, but honestly. It’s like a bizarre teevee show that I can never figure out why everyone watches, yet I wind up watching it more than everyone else!
31 That first happened when I started watching that absolutely STOOOPIT teevee show called The Bachelor. I watched for like three hours wondering why ANYONE would spend one second wasting a night watching such ridiculousness.
32 Yet if you DON’T have a Facebook in 2009, you are being left out of the party it would seem.
33 I always feel that I could be doing so many more productive things.
34 It is also like driving past a massive car wreck. You don’t WANT to peek, and yet you find yourself craning your neck to see what the entire scene is about.
35 And there is virtually nobody NOT on it. It’s like some CIA experiment in human behavior.
36 Whoops. Goin’ a little TOO deep yo.
37 Moving on, Part the Third: I’ve been so bizzy lately that I literally had NO idea about the fires in SoCal. I just want to wish everyone down there all the best, and I pray that you’re all safe. For two years I’ve had fires moving through areas that are sacred to me, as well as to people I know and love, so I just want to send a shout out to anyone affected by the SoCal fires.
38 Stay safe tonight.
39 ajfkldjfkaj;jdskjfdsjfadjf;…
40 I’m sure there’s more, but I’m wasting time here when I could be traveling through the Facebook alternate Universe. I’ve no idea where that stuff is headed, but it’s about the weirdest thing ever to come down the digital pike, especially when you join after it’s been out for like forever.
41 But I can roll wid it. I’ve made it through a lot weirder than this, so it’s actually nice to be a part of the new Americana.
42 So keep on Facebookin’. Keep on supporting Hot Dog on a Stick, despite the uniforms.
43 Walk on; stay safe tonight.
44 Peace.
~H~
