August 26, 2009
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A Day in the Life
1 Just like riding a bicycle.
2 I actually hadn't even gone in to the school when I began today's DN. After experiencing one of the most harrowing moments in the history of the Giants, I decided to put it behind me and focus on teaching.
3 Moving on: I've been about as broke as everyone else, so last week I finally got a haircut.
4 I KNOW, I KNOW! Okay, that stuff hanging out of my hat wasn't glued to the sides.
5 Anyway, I didn't even get a haircut when my mom passed away, and that was months ago.
6 I looked and felt like the Wreck of the Hesperus.
7 Ah, anywayZ, I scraped the remains of any money I could find under mattresses, in sock drawers, and all the rest, and flew over to my barber.
8 It was two days ago, and it was pretty hot. Sunday afternoon, round about 4. I found myself delighted to see that the door to the Barber Shoppe was open.
9 Walking in, I found two barbers lying in chairs, snoring.
10 A fly buzzed around the mirror, trying to look at the back of his head at the multiple images coming off the mirror across the way.
11 I put a toothy smile out there and shouted, "Doesn't anybody WORK around here?"
12 Snores. Severe apnia. Dude.
13 I looked over the situation, and gave a humble cough. "Ahem!" Didn't seem to help. Those two hombres continued to snore a symphony.
14 The snores got louder, and one guy's lips fluttered on his exhale.
15 It was then that I noticed both guys had 16 oz. Budweisers in their hands, their fists acting as world-class cup holders.
16 The fly zig-zagged from one can to the other. Then he got WAY show-offy.
17 For just a second I felt like Tom Joad.
18 I decided to exit, and to consider the real results of the modern recession. I thought to meself, "Go world."
19 I went home, looking still more horrific, and wondering if I could ever look somewhat presentable. It was quite clear that I had to put the two hombres behind me.
20 Two days ago I returned to the Barber Shoppe at 10 a.m. One guy still lay unconscious, but the second guy showed alertness, and an ability to please.
21 The guy took me in and began cutting my hair.
22 The other fellow awakened. He immediately began talking to me about everything and nothing, STILL cradeling a Budweiser as he talked. The fly nursed an epic headache.
23 As the second guy got deeper and deeper into the meaning of life, I began to drift. I noticed that the guy cutting my hair was like Dali, painting a masterpiece with precision and surrealism. The fly got into his vibe and donned a mini-beret, I kid you not. But my attention was on this Monday morning artiste'.
24 Falling silently into HIS dreaminess, I began drifting on lesson plans, and teaching, and all the rest.
25 I let it slip that I was a teacher.
26 The fellow who awakened woke WAY up when I said that. He fixed his baldness, straightened up, and tried to hide his tattoos.
27 He quite slowly and deliberately moved his Budweiser behind a screen, as though I had never seen it.
28 Fookin' Houdini.
29 It was like he was afraid that I would be upset that he was having a beer at 10 a.m.
30 Dude.
31 Anyway, the guy cutting my hair did an awesome job. He was meticulous and proud, handing me a shiny mirror so that I could ponder his personal work of art. Eventually, I made it to our meeting about six minutes late, but nobody seemed to care. I think they all stood in awe at the mystery. JUST kidding.
32 I was WRACKED that day, a nervous wreck and all the rest.
33 Yesterday I landed gently into my classroom. Excitement crackled. Someone had put glue in all of the doors of the school. The students donned their Back-to-School Fall best, and before I knew it, kids high-fived, smiled, chatted, and realized that life's real. SO absolutely easy. Just a sunshiny, sweet opening day.
34 It was absolutely the best season opener in my entire history of teaching. Spirits soared, rock music blared all morning; the schedule was late-start, and the mood rocked all of us gently into yet another school year.
35 Honestly? After the Giants' horrific show in Colorado, this was a welcome change. My classes proper clearly had more bright lights than Vegas! One kid came into my room about five minutes late, and looked like he had just returned from Bull Run. The poor fellow shot to his desk, clearly out of sorts. Something had made him tardy, and the poor fellow had no good excuse. He chatted to friends as to why he sailed in so late, all of which amused this old brown shoe.
36 When I called the guy's name during roll, he said, "Here." He shot me a frightened look.
37 I looked over my glasses, gently smiled, and said, "I'm not even going to THINK about marking you tardy. Kindly relax. I won't even ask."
38 You would think I had given him a pot o' gold from a rainbow.
39 Will I remember this?
40 Maybe.
41 Will he?
42 It's just a great start to the year.
43 Hasta tamale.
44 Peace.
~H~
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