The Daily News

1  So here's one for the ages. I have a surefire means of becoming a gazillionaire.

2  Anyone listenin'?

3  Good. So here's the deal.

4  Last night I disovered that five turkey burgers cooked with non-stick oil spray will NOT fit in an ordinary electric frying pan, or in any regular frying pan, for that matter.

5  Well, maybe one of those George Foreman grills, but really, if you wanna make burgers for the 2009 masses who are absolutely diet conscious, they simply don't have the grill invented to do the job.

6  Make one, and you'll never have to work again.

7  <brings up angelic music>

8  Here go. The existing pans designed by people who designed for James Beard and Julia Child no longer work for the new millenium-diet-abs-health-six-pack generation. Nor do their pans. Diets, it seems, have become a multi-gazillionaire racket.

9  BOTH of those venerable chefs would have thrown 33% fat burger meat onto a grill, cooked it in extra virgin olive oil, and slapped a little butter, bacon, and expensive wine into the mix. The burgers wouldn't fit into the pans, causing the cooks to overlap each by about three inches, but no one ever worried, because those burgers would shrink down around 33%.

10  Well! A coupla days ago I hit the Grocery Outlet over by the Oak Hill Cemetary and picked up a huge pack of turkey burgers for virtually nothing. STEAL of the Day.

11  AnywayZ, I put them on my electric grill, trying to cook for five people, and found that it comfortably fit four, with lots of overlappage.

12  But I wanted five.

13  And I wanted to use spray oil, which really is only used to protect the pan.

14  So I did.

15  The poor things had to overlap shoulders, share the space, and cook in ungodly crowded conditions. They overlapped with elephant ears.

16  At one point, a union organizer popped in to demand their rights.

17  I fed his happy ass to our dog, raw as it may sound.

18  I thought they would shrink down, like back-in-the-day burgers.

19  Midway through the ordeal, ALL of them cooked exactly halfway through, leaving the other half raw.

20  I kept going back in there looking at them, but there seeemed to be no change.

21  All I thought was that if someone invented a pan about an inch wider than the electric pan I have, they would make a gazillion dollars.

22   Turns out that with a little patience, they did manage to shrink down to the pan size, but the initial placement caused so much angst that I thought with just a little push, someone could make gazillions.

23   It also made me a tad suspect about the fat content in turkey burgs, but that's probably for another day.

24   Moving on:  I swore that since I went public with putting the DN on Facebook, I would move away from sports and politics so as not to alienate people not into either.

25   But yesterday's Giants' game was one for the ages. After having practically killing their season last week, the Giants went 5-1 in the last week, culminating in an Edgar Renteria grand slam yesterday to move back into first place in the wild-card.

26   The fact that about 85% of the team is under 26 years old makes this a miracle team.

27   I'm guessing even after yesterday's game, that the odds of them winning the World Series is probably astronomical. I'm thinking seriously of finding out those stats and betting the farm on the Giants.

28   I mean, they just don't seem to be that good, and yet they miraculously are not only in the hunt, but on top of a buncha other teams in an absolutely goofy season.

29   AnywayZ, the amazing thing about the Giants is that they have no idea that they probably should be around 10 games out with their lack of offense.

30   And yet they have managed to stay right up there consistently since last April.

31   At this point, they must have a whole buncha playoff teams worried, because everyone MUST know that they just aren't that good.

32   Or are they?

33   It sure gives pause.

34   Sorry all, but I was born about two miles from Candlestick Park, and was a Giants' fan since birth.

35   Baseball is an acquired taste. Once your team hits a pennant race in September, every single game becomes magnified; every single play is intense, and the mental and spiritual game emerges as arguably the best in sports.

36   From a distance, it may seem a slow, unexciting game, which clearly makes it pretty kick-back.

37   But when everything starts to work, and the team wakes up that they may become a team of destiny, a guy hitting a grand-slam in the late innings to put the team ahead becomes something that can cause an otherwise ordinary human being to move into fits of frenzy.

38   I grabbed two brooms in the top of the ninth yesterday and clutched them as symbolic signs of a sweep against the Rockies, who knocked us out of the race just a week ago with a come-from behind grand slam in the bottom of the 14th inning. The fact that a rare grand slam answered that in kind a week later was almost storybook. In one week the Giants gained back all four games, and now the Giants sit tied with the Rockies in the wildcard race.

39   Impossible to explain to non-fans, but if you were born with this team, and understand that they are all young, stupid, and playing with raw hope, then you might awaken to baseball.

40  There's still time.

41   Okay I'll stop now.

42   Invent a bigger pan for turkey, and then bet the farm on the Giants. Or even bet a hamburger on them.

43   Aight then, that's enough for a Monday. I've insomnia and wanna watch highlights 'til 3 a.m., so Imminna letcha go.

44   Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

The Daily News

1   Ah, good news it seems is so rare these days.

2   Yesterday I finally got two unrelated letters, both good.

3   The first came from the State of California, with a huge congratulations telling me that I had FINALLY received my CLAD credential, something I had worked on from February of last year to July. Most teachers get this thing, so I guess it isn't so huge, but I wanted to whoop out a blower thingy that kids blow on birthdays, and don a party hat!

4    Didn't happen, but one can dream, right?

5    Haha.

6     After THAT, I got a letter from Human Resources in the ESUHSD telling me that I had added 15 units to my total grad units in the past six months, and will now be getting a substantial increase in pay.

7    All this came to me in the U.S. mail yesterday afternoon!

8    So to sum it up, I received two letters yesterday, one from the State of California, and the other from the ESUHSD telling me that I have officially earned a second credential, AND 15 more post-grad units, all straight A work.

9    Yeesh. You know, sometimes you just want to brag a bit. I don't normally, but beginning in November of last year, I dealt with taking those classes to save my job, dealing with all the college boushit that everyone has to deal with, going into work prepared every single day, AND getting up to visit my Mom every moment I had available.

10  Eventually, I had some of the best classes ever, got three more units than I needed, saw my Mom as often as possible, and got all the units as well as a substantial raise, which went into effect in July.

11   To this minute I have NO idea how I managed all of that, but the two envelopes yesterday tapped me on the shoulder and told me I had succeeded!

12   So yeah, it isn't really a boast, it's more a discovery that somehow in the walking Hell I went through last year, I actually blew past it all and successfully completed all of my goals. I got straight A's as well. Last year I buried myself in research, paper, tears, frustration, and deadlines that often went until four in the morning.

13   I had no idea that it all worked until yesterday at around 11 a.m. when I got the two envelopes, as I mentioned, completely unrelated.

14   Last night I celebrated with iced tea and crumpets, as you could well imagine.

15   I don't usually use the DN for this sort of thing, but if it were a friend, I would stand up and tell others.

16   I discovered yesterday that I guess I'm my own best friend.

17   Actually, I write this now because there may be someone out there struggling and trying to make it all happen. The secret is to work your ass off, to stay focused, and to believe even when there is fire burning all around you.

18   I also have to believe that my Mom gave her support all the way up to her final departure. She knew I had a vision, and honestly lived to watch it all happen.

19   Without getting too morose, I must say that my very last paper, which was a 9,0000 word paper describing my lesson plan on the JFK assassination, was sent through the mail exactly one hour before my Mom passed away. Honestly? It was almost as though she KNEW I had to finish that thing before she closed her eyes and drifted back to her own Mom and Dad.

20   Anyway, that happened just before I finally broke away and headed for Tahoe this year.

21   I still stressed all the forms, papers, fees, and boushit all the way up until yesterday, when it all came back in the mail, a new degree, 15 more units, straight A's, and a pay raise exceeding eleven thousand dollars!

22   ...and I STILL don't even believe it!

23    As I said, I won't often use the DN as anything more than a lark to start the day, but really, I had to let others know that the hard work, determination, absolute frustration and tears I struggled through finally resulted in my reaching goals that were planned and outlined. And again, it isn't a boast by any  means, but a story.

24   There will always be a teacher in me. Here is the story: even though I had enormous moments of wanting to quit, of screaming in the middle of the night, or of breaking down to the ground in almost pathetic frustration, I always knew that somehow, with absolute hope and determination, I could do it. And if an old brown shoe like I could do it, then ANYONE could do it.

25   And I did, even though to this moment I can't BELIEVE that it happened.  In a lot of ways, I want publicly to thank my family, my friends, as well as all the wonderful people who read the DN for THEIR inspiration and devotion to excellence. I thank my family first, and then all the former students who inspired ME through the years. Thank you all for showing me how to keep going, to keep struggling, and to stay focused.

26   I hope this doesn't sound too full of meself; it is really one of the only moments in my life when everything pulled together after years of turmoil and struggle.

27   If an old brown shoe like me can do it, I'm certainly convinced that we ALL can do it!

28   So if you're hitting struggles, hard times, tears, and thoughts that things will never happen, I'm here to tell you that with a new approach, a positive attitude, and the will to kick everything's ass, you can reach your dreams.

29   It was the toughest go in my own personal history, lemme tellya.

30   But I knew that others were watching, perhaps with a closed eye, or maybe not at all. Either way, the hard work and determination despite all odds finally worked.

31   I guess I'm just still reeling from the reality that the hard work paid off, but, well, it clearly did, all in one innocent afternoon.

32   Keep going; reach for your dreams, willya?

33   Thanks a whole bunch for listening; you are my inspiration.

34   Now quit talking about it;  go do it. You can because you're awesome. If an absolute imbecile like meself can get there, so can you. I really mean that. Go out and make it better. You can.

35    Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

The Daily News

Ted Kennedy, the Lion of the Left, 1932-2009

1  So...Ted Kennedy walks into a bar...

2   I love the news spins: "Despite the fact that he was a fiery liberal, Ted Kennedy still had the respect of..."

3   <OMG. He was a {{{{{{hush-s-h-h-h-h-h LIBERAL}}}}}...> Spank me, I almost said the "L" word!!!

4    <no thinking allowed>

5    We've been told not to even talk about the "L" word...

6     Well, I have always been a Kennedy guy. Irish. Catholic. Born in San Francisco. At one time in my life I felt that San Francisco and New York were the only two intelligent towns in America. 

7    I've changed, naturally.

8    Ya gotta throw in Pinole.

9     Anyway, that's it for the Kennedy brothers. Teddy seems to be the only one to have died of natural causes. This guy is one of the greats, perhaps the last great Kennedy.

10   So it goes.

11   So it goes.

12   Moving on: Giants announcer Mike Krukow's comments about Carlos Santana yesterday on the Murph & Mac Show (KNBR):

"How spiritual of a dude is THAT guy?"

"I mean in San Francisco, where there are more artists than con-artists, how cool is that?

"If he's not the Bay Area's guru, then who is? We lost Jerry Garcia, so I mean, it's Carlos."

"He doesn't walk; he floats."

"He's uh...you play your guitar every day? Yeah, I take it for a walk."

"He goes around the world, I mean, like all the cornerstones of society, like AROUND the world, talkin' about like Greece...I'm talkin' about, you know...EVERYWHERE...where the first recorded HISTORIES are, and he says, 'You know, right here where we're at (ATT Park, San Francisco)? This is the best place...' "

13    Carlos.

14    He truly IS the Bay Area's guru.

15    It was fun because those guys both thought that Carlos' vibes carried into the Giants' clubhouse, resulting in the victory Tuesday night over the Diamondbacks.

16    Could be, could be.

17    But too much politics and sports! We've little time for such nonsence.

18    Moving on: Names are always fun at the beginning of the school year. On our first day back,  I took roll and saw a name that could only phonetically be pronounced "furious". So I tried to fake it a bit and say, "Fewrous". I looked around. The guy looked up.

19   "It's Furious."  I carefully repeated it and said, "Furious? Did I get that right?"

20    He said, "Yep."

21    When I took roll yesterday, I had forgotten about young Furious, that is, until his name came up in the roll book again. This time, I felt proud, and boldly said, "Furious?"

22    "Here."

23    Those things happen. Years ago we had a teacher by the name of Doug Rosselli, my second year, I should say.

24    We were young, and prone to laughing hard. One day he busted into my room and hollered, "I have a student named Phuck No!!!!  AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" His mouth opened like Monstro and I thought I was going to cruise down his tongue and duck under his uvula. It was a Disney cartoon, all the way.

25    I corrected him, letting him know that the name "Phuc" has a long "u" sound.

26    I don't recall if he believed me or not, but I do remember him getting the laughin' giggles anyway.

27    We get that occassionally. One time we had Roy Rogers. No "d". He turned out to be one of the funniest guys ever, and even did a stand-up.

28    I won't go there too much more because we HAVE expanded to Facebook, and that means any one of these guys might read this and get hurt. I don't think Furious would get hurt, because it's pretty clear that he's perfectly happy with his name.

29   Hey, I was named after a rose. ;  )  <--------sideways endearing winky guy

30   Ah, what's in a name, anyway?

31    Well, that's about it for the morning. Hope it got you through coffee and a muffin.

32    Y'all have a bountiful day.

33    Peace.

 The Daily News:

A Day in the Life

1   Just like riding a bicycle.

2   I actually hadn't even gone in to the school when I began today's DN. After experiencing one of the most harrowing moments in the history of the Giants, I decided to put it behind me and focus on teaching.

3   Moving on: I've been about as broke as everyone else, so last week I finally got a haircut.

4   I KNOW, I KNOW! Okay, that stuff hanging out of my hat wasn't glued to the sides.

5   Anyway, I didn't even get a haircut when my mom passed away, and that was months ago.

6   I looked and felt like the Wreck of the Hesperus.

7   Ah, anywayZ, I scraped the remains of any money I could find under mattresses, in sock drawers, and all the rest, and flew over to my barber.

8   It was two days ago, and it was pretty hot. Sunday afternoon, round about 4. I found myself delighted to see that the door to the Barber Shoppe was open.

9   Walking in, I found two barbers lying in chairs, snoring.

10  A fly buzzed around the mirror, trying to look at the back of his head at the multiple images coming off the mirror across the way.

11   I put a toothy smile out there and shouted, "Doesn't anybody WORK around here?"

12   Snores. Severe apnia. Dude.

13   I looked over the situation, and gave a humble cough. "Ahem!" Didn't seem to help. Those two hombres continued to snore a symphony.

14   The snores got louder, and one guy's lips fluttered on his exhale.

15   It was then that I noticed both guys had 16 oz. Budweisers in their hands, their fists acting as world-class cup holders.

16   The fly zig-zagged from one can to the other. Then he got WAY show-offy.

17    For just a second I felt like Tom Joad.

18    I decided to exit, and to consider the real results of the modern recession. I thought to meself, "Go world."

19    I went home, looking still more horrific, and wondering if I could ever look somewhat presentable. It was quite clear that I had to put the two hombres behind me.

20    Two days ago I returned to the Barber Shoppe at 10 a.m. One guy still lay unconscious, but the second guy showed alertness, and an ability to please.

21   The guy took me in and began cutting my hair.

22    The other fellow awakened. He immediately began talking to me about everything and nothing, STILL cradeling a Budweiser as he talked. The fly nursed an epic headache.

23    As the second guy got deeper and deeper into the meaning of life, I began to drift. I noticed that the guy cutting my hair was like Dali, painting a masterpiece with precision and surrealism. The fly got into his vibe and donned a mini-beret, I kid you not. But my attention was on this Monday morning artiste'.

24    Falling silently into HIS dreaminess, I began drifting on lesson plans, and teaching, and all the rest.

25    I let it slip that I was a teacher.

26    The fellow who awakened woke WAY up when I said that. He fixed his baldness, straightened up, and tried to hide his tattoos.

27     He quite slowly and deliberately moved his Budweiser behind a screen, as though I had never seen it.

28     Fookin' Houdini.

29     It was like he was afraid that I would be upset that he was having a beer at 10 a.m.

30    Dude.

31    Anyway, the guy cutting my hair did an awesome job. He was meticulous and proud, handing me a shiny mirror so that I could ponder his personal work of art.  Eventually, I made it to our meeting about six minutes late, but nobody seemed to care. I think they all stood in awe at the mystery. JUST kidding.

32    I was WRACKED that day, a nervous wreck and all the rest.

33    Yesterday I landed gently into my classroom. Excitement crackled. Someone had put glue in all of the doors of the school. The students donned their Back-to-School Fall best, and before I knew it, kids high-fived, smiled,  chatted, and realized that life's real. SO absolutely easy. Just a sunshiny, sweet opening day.

34    It was absolutely the best season opener in my entire history of teaching. Spirits soared, rock music blared all morning; the schedule was late-start, and the mood rocked all of us gently into yet another school year.

35    Honestly? After the Giants' horrific show in Colorado, this was a welcome change. My classes proper clearly had more bright lights than Vegas! One kid came into my room about five minutes late, and looked like he had just returned from Bull Run. The poor fellow shot to his desk, clearly out of sorts. Something had made him tardy, and the poor fellow had no good excuse. He chatted to friends as to why he sailed in so late, all of which amused this old brown shoe.

36   When I called the guy's name during roll, he said, "Here." He shot me a frightened look.

37    I looked over my glasses, gently smiled, and said, "I'm not even going to THINK about marking you tardy. Kindly relax. I won't even ask."

38    You would think I had given him a pot o' gold from a rainbow.

39    Will I remember this?

40     Maybe.

41     Will he?

42     It's just a great start to the year.

43      Hasta tamale.

44      Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

   The Daily News

Picture taken of expanding galaxies. 8-17-09. Then again, this might be
a macro shot of a plate I was thinking of buying at the dollar store.

1    The New Expanded DN is an experiment in branching out, networking, and expanded pretentiousness, the likes of which we haven't seen in quite the while. O, the pressure!

2    The DN now has massive exposure, which means a few changes will be taking place.

3     For example, it will need more curb appeal. That translates into eye candy, which is simply EVERYTHING these days.

4     So I'll begin with me olde friend and confidant Goof's pictures from the Hubble. Well, he didn't TAKE these, he just steered me to 'em. I woulda started with pictures of some hot mama, but I wouldn't want to be branded a sexist by the masses.

5       Instead, I'll include a picture of this severe nun, followed by another Hubble picture.

This gal reminds me of Father Feely, from me youth. Hmmm.

Four galaxies colliding on 8-16-09. Or this
             is arguably bleach that spilled on a pocket tee when
    I painted a flower pot this summer. Who knew?

6     I'll also need to stray from any political leanings, and lock into mainstream thought.

7     That Obama. Some Socialist, eh? Great icebreaker.

8      And I'll have to talk knowledgeably about movies, perhaps even referring to them as "films".

9      I'll tone down the sports angles, but only because the Giants went into the tank in the past two days. Last night. Worst game in history. Anyway, here are some other changes:

10    I'll pretend stuff.

11    I shall continue to throw random pictures out there. Here's a chick with a black ring around her head, for example. Go figure.

12    Perhaps some nuns with guns. Smile ladieeeeez!!!

13     You get the drift. But enough of that. We're picking on nuns, for no apparent reason. Let us move on, if you please. Enough about changes and other nonsenses.

14     Moving on: I made it up to the Chill yesterday. One thing about having a summer off is that you got NO game when you return. I thought I was tanned, rested, and ready, but actually I was groggy, cross-eyed, and dazed. I couldn't find "ON" buttons if you held a gun to me head.

15     Good thing. Today we have students, so that's enough to shake the foundations just a tad.

16     I put my head into the English 2 literature book, paused, and was delighted to see that there is a huge unit on King Arthur in there.

17    I taught King Arthur years ago.

18    The legend, the legend!

19     Yeesh.

20     Smart ass.

21     My first year teaching. I taught chivalry, which is now dead, or at least I THINK it is.

22     Oh, it is.

23     Anyway, I have always loved the legend, and it is awesome that I shall once again enjoy the tales of the days of the knights.

24     Yes, that was a mild salute to Rick Wakeman.

25     Who?

26     Meh.

25     Anyway, TODAY is officially Opening Day for school.

26     And it's a little bit funny.

27     I am still just as nervous as a Kinder on his first day. It's a ritual, that's for sure.

28     Moving on, Part the Second: If any of youse has a kid enrolled in Capri Elementary in Campbell, and if they get a teacher named Ms. Harrington, it's my daughter Nicole, who is has a class there. She's finishing up ze credential, and there aren't too many dads prouder.

29     And fear not. Her techniques and styles are the result of intensive study and reading, as opposed to her old man, who disregarded all studies and taught any way he damned well pleased, which usually meant with reckless abandon.

30     And lots of us had some wonderful times along the way.

31     I always loved turning to Ponch during our halcyon days, lifting a glass, and saying, "Mr. Ponticelli, we are in the business of making memories!"

32    Ha!

33    I'm in a new world, and it is just as fun as ever to open the school year.

34    AnywayZ, that's our second DN! And from this day forth, the DN will also go to Facebook, only because Xanga provides a cool means of doing that.

35    I think that's it for today.

36    Wish me luck. Wish the students luck. Wish Nicoley luck. And most of all, wish all my friends who lost their jobs the very best! Lotsa great people are now out of work, and I just want to see them back up and working, because they are the very best workers around! I send them all my lovin' and hope for things to turn around really soon!

37    Aight then.

38    Peace.

~H~

xanga.com/bharrington