The Daily News

1  Ahhhh, the good ol' DN.

2  I save the best for last.

3  Over the years I've mentioned how I enjoy writing the DN. I've complained about lack of rest, insane deadlines, lack of ideas, and insomnia, loud teevees, the loveliness of the wimminz, and people who walk into bars, but always, I love all of it.

4  Lately I've decided to get everything else in life out of the way so I could enjoy writing the DN.

5  Last night I was working on a paper all night. I couldn't tellya right now what the heck it was about, because it doesn't matter. I was writing up some boushit for my class. It had something to do with my classroom methodology, which is really similar to a one-man show.

6  I never fathomed myself a good classroom teacher. I knew I had to work out of a book and somehow teach English to entire cross-sections of students. I often felt that I was the main "mainstream" English guy, so I always had wondrous classes of characters, ESL honors students, intellectuals who felt that everything even pretending to be education was a sham, stoners, gangstas, and some of the most wonderful students a teacher could ask for.

7  The mix was so extraordinary that I had to do two things: one, I had to bring in extraneous materials of high interest (ghosts, JFK, Taming of the Shrew, etc.), and two, I had to entertain.

8  Wasn't always easy. I had at least to try to bring in great thinkers and habitual drinkers. Sometimes the stuff would land; other times I was like a stand-up in a club filled with uninterested barflies.

9  My instincts always leaned towards me as a stand-up comedian bringing the murder of JFK live, and in your face. Or me as a normal schmuck being somehow followed around by a ghostly sprite named Heidi.

10  Or me as a person who insisted that students come away not only understanding, but with a tremendous knowledge and love for the greatest writer in the King's English,  William Shakespeare.

11  Only recently have I begun to hone those lessons into complete shows, each and every day. It's been my latest challenge.

12  I've succeeded and failed, failed and succeeded, and in recent weeks, I have turned the corner. I've decided to keep working on each lesson as its own "show". I've incorporated music into some lessons, and have brought in an almost one-act re-enactment of the Pyramis and Thisbe scene from Midsummer.

13  I recently brought in that memorable scene remembering all of the classic Workshp performances of it. The students stood in amazement as I brought all of those wonderful characters alive, using the styles of the Workshop actors as models. I even had some lines memorized.

14  I played Pyramis, starving for roles. I played Thisbe, whose line, "Let me not play a woman. I've a beard coming..." worked magically.

15  The kiss through the "chink" in the wall, the line, "I kiss the hole and not yur lips at all..." brought a clap. I did both deaths, with emphasisi on the "Alack...alack...alack" followed by, "She dies."

16  As I played, I disappeared into a wonderful frenzy of those shows, and of all the fun and incredible moments. As the bell rang, I knew I had a brand new component to my R & J lessons. I stood exhausted and the students answered with a rousing round of applause, to which I bowed like Tinkerbell, magically blowing kisses.

17  Grand moment. As the students filed out, one girl smiled and said quietly, "You could do a one-man show."

18  I didn't hear her, and whenshe said it again, I smiled.

19  She smiled back, all ears and braces.

20  It got quiet. I realized right then that I haven't even started teaching yet.

21  It was a wonderfully fun lesson, and the past week has had more and more.

22  It's hard work, but amazing when I finally get in there and don't waste a minute.

23  I reallly wanted to share that to say thank you to all the great actors, actresses, and techies who graced the stage over the years. It is clearly the greatest thing any teacher could have is former students remaining friends and goofballs for life.

24  You all remain in my heart, always. And now you will all be a key ingredient to all the new lessons.

25  I gracefully bid you adieu this fine day.

26  More to come.

27  Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

The Daily News

Michael "Bongboy" Phelps

1  You knew THAT was comin'!

2   Michael "Bongboy" Phelps. Yeesh.

3   How you gonna TAIL meh!

4   Sinner! Every witch way!

3   To the gallows, you worthless pond scum!

4   Yeesh.

5   Poor moron.

6    Honestly. So many morons. So little time.

7    People.

8    Some young moron who walks off with a truckload of golds is suddenly vilified by the media for taking a hit off a bong.

9   Puh-LEEZE.

10  I wonder how all those polished and pure media dawgs even knew what a bong was. I'm SURE none of THEM ever smoked weed.

11  Come now.

12   But they suddenly march to his house with torches and delcare the poor fellow a witch.

13   Toldja I was discovering America this year. As a new teacher of American Lit, I am discovering America. Several themes keep popping up. Hypocrisy seems to keep rearing its beautiful head.

14   Sin, genocide, racism, and hypocrisy are clearly the major topics of that class. Am I wrong in begging the quesion, "Why?" Not so much "Why these issues?" but more accurately, "Why do we continue to allow it?" This clearly isn't about Michael Phelps.

15   I imagine it's news, somehow. But we read The Scarlet Letter and see how everybody LOVES to vilify a sinner. I certainly do, all the time. Why, I feel that Michael Phelps should be wearing a scarlet "B" for "Bongboy". Michael Vick should wear a scarlet "DK" for "Dog Killer". And I should wear a scarlet "H" for "Hypocrite". And maybe we all should wear embroidered scarlet mirrors.

16   Hypocrisy.

17   Pure and simple.

18   Are we all not guilty of hypocrisy at some point in our lives?

19   Over to you, Goody Fackyou.

20   Ah, do I ever LOVE teaching American Lit.

21   They're finally starting to get it.

22   I teach all about hypocrisy these days.

23   Michael Vick and Arthur Miller are two immediate candidates for discussion.

24   Or...as an American, you could do one of two things:  you could either 1) hate Michael Vick and  REALLY hate Michael Phelps, or 2) You could realize that you yourself eat meat by and large, and 4) If you've never smoked weed, please put on your Puritan hat and point fingers. 

25  If you HAVE smoked weed, find the nearest Coldstone and begin worshipping someone other than God. You are certainly to be tossed into the firey pits, and deservedly so. If you've eaten a  McNugget, then you should put on a scarlet "CK" for "Chicken Killer".

26  Okay, enough of this nonsense.

27  Take none of this seriously.

28   You do and I'll have a clown come in and explain to you why clowns exist.

29  Meanwhile, be gooood...

30  And this week is the anniversary of the day the music died. I thought I'd throw up a picture of Buddy Holly just because. I'll give you Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper later in the week.

31  I'm gonna put on my Puritan hat now and join in the Michael Phelps witch hunt. I got nuthin' else to do today.

32  Oh. And do me a favor? Never take me seriously. Ever. = ) <-------sideways goofy guy face meaning "lol" of "jk" or "lmao".

33   Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

 The Daily News

1  It's one of the great ironies of life that schoolteachers off the record will probably confess that trying to educate everybody in America is like trying to stop a tsunami with a thimble.

2  Pretty lousy analogy. All apologies.

3  It's just there.

4  Sometimes we are asked to jump through hoops to try to make it better.

5  Say hello to training sessions.

6  Honestly.

7  They could send a billion kajillion dollars at education, and you wouldn't see a dent.

8  The sharp kids will always be the sharp kids and know how to get into the professions.

9  The duller kids will probably make it to grabbing mainstream jobs, and will feel good with that, and produce hundreds of thousands of more dull kids.

10  Teachers will always spark ideas and amazing things in the minds of sharp kids.

11  They will try the same techniques with the duller kids and get pot ash.

12  Billions more will be spent to make that right.

13  Even without the billion-kajillion dollars, some of the duller kids will light up and amaze the stars with their brilliance.

14  They're the ones who know where they are and want to fight to the finish, and conquer the world.

15  They're the King Arthur's, pulling the sword sweetly out of the stone, stumbling backwards, and hearing the angels sing.

16  Thank God for them.

17  Thank God, indeed.

18  They turn the thimble into a glittering cup, and that cup eventually turns into a Holy Grail.

19  And right when a teacher starts to sigh and wonder the reason, "Why?" a young Arthur asks where the gymnasium is.

20  And that, I well imagine, is one of the main reasons we stay in this foolish profession.

21  I hope that lands.

22  Thanks for being awesome.

23   Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington

   The Daily News

1  Ah, a disappointing Super Bowl. I knew Pittsburgh was going to win so confidently that I wrote this sentence in the wee hours of the morning BEFORE the game.

2  I really hoped that the Cardinals would win with the outstanding play demonstrated late in the season by both Kurt Warner and Fitz, but I also knew that they wouldn't be enough to win.

3  The other day some journalist mused, "Pittsburgh 39. Arizona 6. Am I the only guy who thinks Arizona stinks?"

4  I just wish they could have made it happen. Well, it turns out that they almost did, and it was one heckuva game.

5  Speaking of "Am I the only one who..."  (see above.) Am I the only one who thinks that Justin Timberlake is looking more and more like Eddie Haskell every day?

Will the real Eddie Haskell start giving us the business?

6  Moving on: Can't. It's too uncanny.

7  I got my second report card the other day.

8  I still have straight A+'s. = )

9  That's not really a brag. It's a statement of survival. I've been able to push every hour of my frabjous life into this college class. I've also been working full-time, helping up at the school at every turn, AND grading papers without coming up for air.

10  So really, I'm just waiting until the moment that I DON'T have the time to get that one paper in. It's nerve-wracking, literally. Last night I had my first collegiate failure. I missed a huge deadline, despite staying on the task for three straight days. So the A+ might fall pretty drastically here.

11  I even shook inside because as hard as I tried, I couldn't complete the assignment on time. It's a little bit funny because I probably worked harder on this one project than I've worked on anything in the last ten years. Sometimes that just happens, no matter what you do.

12  Ah, no point trippin', right?

13  It is what it is. Even in disappointment we learn and get stronger I suppose. So it is what it is.

14  That's the best saying these days. It's one of those sayings that everybody says, but that still makes sense.

15  It is what it is.

16  So Zen.

17  But then I think Larry of the Three Stooges is sort of Zen. Have a look.

18  I laughed when that picture popped up on Google.

19  Immeasurable, really.

20   I tried. Probably too hard, because I avoided all the REAL sources: Wikipedia, etc. I wanted pure research, which is like sneezing into soapflakes.

21  Vonnegut's son Mark once likened madness to sneezing into soapflakes.

22  Right now it makes perfect sense.

23  So begins another week. 

24  Go in full force. 

25  The Past is Prologue.

26   Go kick some butt today.

27  I fully intend to!

28  Have a g'day.

29  Peace.

~H~

www.xanga.com/bharrington