February 12, 2009
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The Daily News1 So here we are at Thursday already!
2 Is there snow in them thar hills?
3 I sure hope so, 'cuz DAY-um, we need it.
4 This actually happened yesterday. Some kid in this teacher's class had those HUGE lobe holes that guys who look like fish lures like to do to themselves?
5 You've SEEN them. Some of you might even HAVE them. They're holes as big as dimes that people put in their ears, and they sometimes have a plastic ring around the interior.
6 Fashion chic people must know something I don't, because that even freaks out the teachers with tatoos and army boots.
7 Anyway, some lunkhead with lobe holes had gotten his earbuds CAUGHT in the thing and got busted for listening to his iPod while his teacher was lecturing.
8 She told the guy to put the earbuds away, but when the guy tried, he couldn't. They got STUCK in those huge lobe holes.
9 The guy started pleading that it hurt, and the teacher let him leave them in there.
10 She reported that he was listening to Scream-o.
11
12 Ya gotta love it.
13 It reminded me of years ago when they had this huge metal band that kids would wear around their necks and that looked a lot like headphones circling out of someone's mouth.
14 Hard to describe if you haven't ever seen them, but they look like your mouth would look if you put classic headphone speakers in your mouth, and the headband sticking straight out of your mouth.
15 Years ago, they had retainers that did that, and kids were forced to wear them to school.
16 Somewhere in the mid-to-late eighties, I looked over at some girl who had those braces hanging out of her mouth. She must have just gotten them, because she over-compensated for her new horrid looks by wearing these huge round blue earings that resembled headphones.
17 I thought she was boldly trying to listen to music during my VERY important lecture, and I stopped, looked at her, and said, "ALL RIGHT. PUT THOSE AWAY!"
18 As a younger teacher, I thought I was quite the Sage-on-the Stage, and was personally insulted that someone would disdain the ancient wisdom and incredible gifts that I brought to the classroom.
19 In short, I was pretty upset at the blatant insult.
20 How could ANYONE listen to music while I was pontificating sweeping thoughts of Socrates?
21 The girl looked up at me in absolute horror. She didn't take the things off.
22 "PUT THOSE AWAY!" I yelled. "NOWWWWW!"
23 The girl's face flushed, and she was near to tears. "I...I can't..." She could barely speak. It was at that moment I saw that she didn't have headphones on, and that she had one of those horrible retainers put on her mouth the day before.
24 They weren't speakers, they were earrings.
25 The entire class exploded into laughter, and the poor girl was absolutely humiliated.
26 She came in the next day and the retainer was gone. I never saw it again, and I'm guessing that neither did she, nor her parents.
27 I've since learned that most kids aren't trying deliberately to do anything horribly bad. I still see kids listening to iPods during my lectures, but my theory is this: if I designed my classes a little more carefully, they would probably still listen, but maybe with one earbud in and the other earbud giving a listen.
28 Ear Bud.
29 I'd better go.
30 True story, that.
31 Have a laugh, and remember to bring your umbrella home.
32 Umbrellas you misplace because they're not part of your daily routine.
33 Look at a cloud today.
34 Peace.
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