November 20, 2008
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1 It's so funny, the difference between being young and of being old.
2 Yesterday some headline in AOL said, "Are you ready for Winter?"
3 When I was younga, I woulda been thinking about plans to go to the snow, Tahoe, skiing, tobogganing, throwing snowballs, warm coats, hot chocolate, and family and all. I would even defer to the venerable elders with pledging annual thanks for the blessings we have received in the past year.
4 As a severe sufferer of oldness, my first thought was, "Is my bucket list in order?"
5
6 So this morning's DN does have a bit of bucket-listedness in its content.
7 First on the list, naturally, is no longer giving a shit about what I used to give a shit about.
8 No one else cares, I don't care.
9 First sign of senility, thirtieth sign of revenge. After all, you DO carry some values into that good night.
10 What else?
11 Not giving a shit about all things Yale.
12 Or Drake. Or Harvard. Or any underpants school.
13 Another piece of the bucket list is actually to care each year about the Big Game, which in my lifetime, means quite clearly Stanford vs. Cal.
14 My bucket list allows for one to enjoy that one for a maximum of three days, but it should always be on the list.
15 At the risk of changing direction. I would rather NOT begin a bucket list here, but rather addressing the question, "Are you ready for Winter?" Back to the thesis. Kindly forgive the social trail.
16 So in my eye, my first answer would be in the form of a question: "Are you supposed to capitalize "winter" when someone asks, 'Are you ready for Winter?' "
17 As a fatalist, I feel it quite deserves the honor.
18 Hmmm. So. Are you ready for Winter?
19 As a member of the aging idiocy, I would first work with immediate images.
20 Winter.
21 In the classroom it's different. Being old and unable to follow one thought naturally with another, I would go to the student sitting in the second row, first seat directly in front of me and question his feeling that with the onslaught of Winter, one must ALSO pull his underpants exactly thirteen inches above his pantline. The guy who sits there in my third period class knows EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
22 Evidently it either keeps him WARMER in the Winter, or helps him hit high notes in his Choir class.
23 THAT thought would quite naturally pinball to this one:
Q. What does Thor wear under his pants at the onlsaught of Winter?
24 Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm????????
25 A. THUNDERPANTS!!!!!
26 I KNOW, I KNOW!
27 lol.
28 Perfect modern punctuation.
29 lol.
30 Thunderpants. Some out there are slow of study and it's just now landing.
31 More power to ya.
32 That happened today in class. I was wandering around the room gathering comments and musings when the John Lennon in my class blurted out the word "thunderpants". Perfect Lennonism.
33 Within seconds, my senile brain fell through my clothes and sank to the floor, having been replaces with Jokemon, the mental prankster who jumps into my head once forgetfulness takes hold.
34 Within a millisecond, Jokemon planted the Thor joke directly between my eyes and above my nose. I swear to you it was planted in that particular spot.
35 Thunderpants.
36 And you squirm out of these things and run seventeen yards for a first down.
37 Welcome to the inner workings of senility.
38 As far as I know, nobody has yet provided a first-hand account, with the exception of Reagan and Bush, Jr.
39 Why I remember "Dutch" Reagan filling in as a color commentator for the 1989 All-Star baseball game. Reagan used to announce baseball for the Chicagy Cubs, don'tcha know, and had just recently left office. Most people felt that he was still pretty lucid and okay at the end of his Presidential ride.
40 But by the time he did the All-Star Game, it was cyrstal clear that he was long gone.
41 I remember tuning in. Vin Scully, the voice of the Dodgers for years, was in the booth with Reagan.
42 As the game rolled along, Scully asked Reagan what he thought might be going through the head of some batter or other.
43 If I weren't so damned senile I'd be able to tell you which.
44 That being said, Scully turned to Reagan and asked about what might be going through the head of this particular batter.
45 Without hesitation, the senile Bede announced word close to this: "Wella, I really think this fellow would like to get a hit."
46 Brilliant analysis, Ronnie-OH!
47 Enough of all this nonsense. I attended the Bored Meeting last night and within ten minutes of my arrival fell into a reverie about senility, old people, teaching, Reagan, and all the old poops who seem still to be walking around, sounding off, and making noise about the same stuff.
48 I ran screaming from the joint. Decided I needed to lay this all out there, and then hit a pillow at around 10 p.m.
49 Long-winded me did so.
50 And that's my bucket list.
51 Hey wait. I'm too young to have a bbb...
52 <hush little baby don't say a word; Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird...>
53 Coo-coo. Coo-coo.
54 Peace.
~H~
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