November 18, 2008
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1 So the long wait for Thanksgiving begins.
2 Every time I go to the grocery store I check out all the turkeys and stuff. A week ago Lucky sold turkeys for $7.99 EACH.
3 Isn’t that weird?
4 I stood befuddled.
5 At first I thought, “What foo WOULDN’T buy a turkey for $7.99?”
6
7 Ever stand there looking at a good deal but decide not to go for it because it’s TOO good?
8 I almost think there’s something in the American psyche that stops us from over-indulging when it’s too good. Sinful. I figured all sorts of things: next week I’m gonna cook a turkey anyway, so I’ll get sick of turkey.
9 If I freeze the turkey this week, it’ll have freezer burn by next Tuesday.
10 It might go bad.
11 My freezer might suddenly stop working, causing the turkey to turn green.
12 You get my drift.
13 So I clearly COULDA bought a turkey for $7.99 last week.
14 Didn’t.
15 I also keep glancing at the prices of honey-baked hams, you know those ones with the spiral cuts?
16 Yeah, those.
17 Last year I vaguely recall playing a perfect waiting game and getting one of those for eleven bucks.
18 I thought I was nifty and thrifty. I bought one that didn’t come with the little package of brown sugar and water, and it cost half the price of those ones all wrapped in gold or red foil.
19 So far, they haven’t brought those out. I was SO proud because by making my own brown sugar glaze, I saved a bundle.
20 ANd it lasted too.
21 Yep.
22 But Thanksgiving isn’t for over a week. I keep wanting to buy all sorts of stuff like chestnuts and yams, just so I could tell people I had chestnuts and yams.
24 I’m hungreh mang.
25 Moving on: A Budweiser commercial just came on. It had a HUGE letters saying DRINKABILITY with a voiceover saying, “The big difference is drinkability.” Under that huge word it said “Please Drink Responsibly”.
26 The REAL message: ” Hey America, please get shitfaced on OUR beer this Thanksgiving.”
27 They don’t want you to drink responsibly.
28 They want you to get shitfaced on THEIR beer, and when you’re empty, to go the your friendly neighborhood liquor store and BUY more, and get everyone around you shitfaced on THEIR beer.
29 Honestly.
30 They don’t give a care if you drink responsibly, or they’d be in another business.
31 Honestly.
32 Either way, the wait continues, and when it finally arrives it’s over before you could blink.
33 And a lot of people who don’t drink responsibly lose the next day due to Shoes-in-the-Dryer head.
34 I attribute that definition to my poetic sister Gayle.
35 Aight then.
36 Have yoself a merry little Tuesday.
37 Peace.
