The Daily News
1 I’ve fallen off the gym wagon.
2 I was goin’ pretty well there for a while but suddenly I’m drowning in papers. By the time I get home, a trip to the gym is too much of a time investment. Papers. Yeesh.
3 It’s hours and hours (AND HOURS!) of reading. I had forgotten how much reading it requires. And yet, it isn’t without its moments.
4 Like one paper said, “I seen a whole bunch of people running, and then I heard some syreans.”
5 Ah, syreans!
6 I haven’t heard that one since Snooper and Blabber.
7 Who?
8 Man.
9 Yesterday I had them doing a buncha desk work so I could catch up with all the desk work I had already shelled out.
10 I learned a long time ago that my sitting down and doing things would be an automatic ticket for kids to act like zoo monkeys. So the deal is you always assign the stuff, then walk around for about ten minutes hitting all four corners of the room. In general, they settle pretty quickly because they wanna get rid of you.
11 Once it was quiet I eyeballed my desk and headed there.
12 Right when it was perfectly quiet, there was around a one-minute delay, and some kid asked, “Mr. H, how old are you?”
13
14 After a momentary lapse of reason, I said pretty poker-faced, “Twenty.” A big pause. And then I followed with, “I’ve done a lotta hard living.” They laughed, mildly amused. It wasn’t designed to be uproarious; it was designed to re-focus. Quiet’s good when you are trying to get back to a sofa of papers.
15 “I’ll never tell,” I mused, knowing that the inevitable guesswork would soon take place.
16 …which pleased me because the first kid said, “34!” and without hesitating or even looking up I quipped, “You just got an A.”
17 “I think he’s 80!” another wiseguy chimed in. I executed the stank eye.
18 He’ll be receiving an “F” in a week’s time.
19 Little bastard.
20 Nah, just kiddin’.
21 Life’s been pretty good.
22 Like I KNEW the student who said, “34″ was just chumming for an “A”, but I must say.
23 Moving on: Better Late Than Never, Dept. I finally caught the Saturday Night Live clip of Tina Fey as Sarah Palin and Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton. That had to be one of the single most spot-on spoofs ever. If you haven’t gandered at it yet, here’s a link. Fey does Palin better than Palin. Poehler’s non-verbals speak volumes. Two awesome actresses. Anyway, my daughter Nicole insisted I take a look last night, and I’m glad she did. Here go:
24 I’m looking forward to tonight’s debate. It’s the stuff of legends. Like her or hate her, Palin has definite entertainment value. She’s the bunny that McCain pulled out of his hat, and it stands as one of the greatest hat tricks in political history.
25 I like her about as much as I like the Dodgers, but I’ll tellya: it sure makes for an entertaining night.
26 If Biden could just stay away from the filibuster it might be the ultimate goof.
27 Something to do.
28 Well, coffee break’s over.
29 Back on your heads.
30 You all enjoy your morning, love the sky, stretch and realize it’s Thursdeee already. In Californian, that means essentially that your weekend starts in about fifteen minutes.
31 Ah, the Golden State.
32 Fly low.
33 Peace.
~H~
