October 19, 2008
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1 XXXXXXXXXXX Q. What’s this?
2 A. The NFL defense plan for any team playing the 49ers.
3 As long as we’re on football, I must say that yesterday was the first time I’ve actually rooted for the Raiders and for their fans from the beginning of the game ’til the end.
4 ‘Bout time.
5 Moving on: Yesterday I goofed on how many household appliances talk to me.
6 No, don’t go running off.
7 I don’t even have things REALLY talking to me yet. I can’t afford any of those things.
8 But my refrigerator definitely nags me.
9 That was when I began to notice.
10 My refridge makes this little beeping noise, like a truck backing up, each time I leave the door open.
11 The thing about it is, the design of the door makes it so it stays open. I think some practical joker designed it because for the good part of my life, I have rarely left a refrigerator door open.
12 But I use the exact same little shove I’ve always given to all my refrigerators, throughout my entire life. Most times it’s sufficient.
13 Not with the new one though.
14 Every other shove doesn’t close it. So it talks to me. It says, “Beeep, beeep, beeep.”
15 And I enjoy cooking, but it gets ridiculous when things start bubbling, boiling and all the rest and every five minutes you hear what sounds like a garbage truck backing up in your kitchen.
16 Other things talk to me too. My iPod dock “boops” any time you plug in or remove the power cord.
17 The microwave “dings”, the toaster pops, and the oven gives two beeps when it’s pre-heated. The phone goes into cardiac arrest if left off the hook. But that doesn’t happen often.
18 The refrigerator, on the other hand, does. I’m convinced that the refrigerator is the most obnoxious. By and large, with the exception of the phone, the others are set, so you’re expecting them. It just decides to say, “Listen mister, you forgot to close me A-GAIN! So I imagine that for the rest of your life I’m going to do this to you until you LEARN.”
19 I’m guessing I’ll adjust within a year or two.
20 In the meantime, I guess I’ll just put up with a naggy appliance until I learn to throw that door a little harder.
21 And so it’s Monday morning.
22 You know the drill on Mondays.
23 Fly low.
24 Peace.
~H~
