September 28, 2008
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1 So...Paul Newman walks into a bar...
2 How does one even begin to talk of someone of Newman's stature?
3 He was my favorite actor of all time, if one is to have a favorite actor of all time.
4 Certain people are simply larger than life.
5 Cool Hand Luke.
4 If you are a Newman fan, it's beyond words.
5 The measure of someone like Newman is to place him next to anybody who is famous and see who has more cool.
6 It gets unbearable really quickly.
7 The venerable Newman won three Oscars, yet only one for his acting in a film called The Color of Money.
8 But get any film of his, and you'll love it. Grab a copy of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, for instance, and plan on doing nothing for the rest of the night.
9 You name one film and you'll get arguments for nine others from people who know his body of work.
10 To me, the mark of a GREAT actor is a lifetime of great films, contributions to the world at large, and humility. Newman had all of that, as well as a lifetime of cool.
11 AND a saucy salad dressing.
12 Paul Newman. A crowning member of the Hole-in-the Wall Gang.
13 Who ARE those guys?
14 Moving on: I finally got a new desktop the other day. Haven't had one in about two years. I forgot how absurd it can be to get a new computer set up.
15 For one thing, while I'm a HUGE fan of anything wireless, I also know the pitfalls involved. Having run large-scale events for the past billion years, I know that wireless things kick ass UNTIL you REALLY need them to work.
16 I've had them break down at enormous school rallies, dances, events, football games, and nearly any other time you need them to come through.
17 Long story, but it began years ago with power mowers. They would work wonderfully every time EXCEPT the day before a party.
18 Or power drills. People would consistently wonder why I always used power drills that required plugs when Makitas are out there.
19 Because power drills will ALWAYS run out of batteries right when you need them to hit a deadline. And I don't wanna hear about having a spare battery, because it's happened so many times I can't even tell you.
20 Mind you, these things tend to work wonderfully almost ninety per cent of the time, but the day you REALLY need them to come through, they inevitably fade.
21 They just haven't perfected wireless anything yet, in my ancient eyes.
22 So I found myself using every plug in mankind to get the new computer up and running. I don't even know what it was that needed all those plugs, but with printers, speakers, and myriad other attachments, I had surge protectors plugged into surge protectors.
23 Part of the treat is that for whatever reason, certain things require plugs that are as big as a block of wood and that cover about thirteen or fourteen holes on the surge protectors.
24 And I would like publicly to begin a boycott of HP.
25 I know, I know.
26 I'm just kidding.
27 But their older printers (and by "old" I mean three years!) won't work with Windows Vista. Not even on their own computers. The might, but you have to read a series of twelve-thousand experiments to get that to happen.
28 Never mind if you're trying to hook up an HP to a Dell, heaven forbid.
29 I actually talked the guy in the store into throwing in a new printer as a part of the package, which worked for me because I had a feeling my beautiful HP printer from 2005 wouldn't hook up.
30 I succeeded in pushing the guy into giving me a printer for practically nothing, and when I got it home, it didn't include a black ink cartridge.
31 With all due respect, what kinda boushit is that? HP. I'm tellin' ya. Had a color cartridge, but no black cartridge. AND no ethernet cable. Dude. How hard IS it to give that stuff to a customer? Honestly, I'd pay the extra thirty bucks so that I don't have to make a run back to the store to get that stuff.
32 Ah, I'm just grousing. Most of getting a new computer is really fun, but HP seemed to be the company that wanted to squeeze people who shell out a lot of money for their company, and as a crotchety old fellow, I expect better treatment than that.
33 So I'm on a personal boycott of their boushit.
34 It's pretty funny because I always figure that I work hard for my money, and I could spend it in a million different places, so why is your company being idiotic?
35 And don't even get me going on Dell.
36 My daughter Caitlin is having issues with THOSE idiots.
37 They sell their stuff piece by piece, so you THINK you're getting a good deal, and by the time you buy every little thing that goes with their stuff, you're having rice and beans for dinner.
38 And if you order stuff through their online stuff, it will delay around four years before they decide to get it to you.
39 But don't EVEN get me goin'.
40 Because right now I'm loving my new Dell computer and HP printer.
41 Haha, ever do that? You HATE these guys, and you go on a diatribe about how you'll NEVER buy their stuff again, and when you look up, your new stuff is somehow THEIR stuff.
42 How do they stay in business? How do idiotic shows like The Bachelor stay on teevee?
43 Fools like me. The OTHER Neuman.
44 Have a great Mondeeeeee everbody.
45 And Paul, enjoy that great Hole-in-the-Wall in the sky.
45 Peace.
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