September 24, 2008
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1 Hey, remember when I told you a few days ago that I had ants again? Well they all disappeared with the exception of a few lonesome mavericks who have lingered around like cowpokes in an old saloon.
2 I haven't minded really, because one or two might climb the telephone line to my desk and then run wild for a while, as though they made it to the top of Half Dome.
3 One little fellow became so amused by it all that he would stand up on four legs and wiggle in his arms in triumphant zaniness.
4 All has been pretty pleasant really, until the day before yesterday...
5 I found myself sitting down at my desk when I looked to my left.
7 There were around eight or nine ants crawling every which way. I tried blowing them off the desk, or scooting them, but they would wind up crawling up my arm, which I would shake, and soon I found myself snapping things off my cheek, whether they were there or not.
8 I don't really want to kill them for goodness sakes, but after school the other day I stopped by my friendly neighborhood Safeway and got myself some Raid Ant Baits.
9 The marketing is killer. The word Raid is in bright yellow and has a lightning bolt coming down from the "i", zapping this ant with an electrical jolt that would light up Manhattan.
10 On the back of the package, it has a little trail leading to this ant stadium whose dome is an enormous daisy.
11 It has a few ants rooting around, walking towards it.
12 Underneath are two neat numerical items: 1 ANTS CRAWL IN TO EAT, followed by a red arrow leading the way to certain doom, and 2 CRAWL AWAY TO DIE, another trail with an arrow, and purportedly the same three ants walking away, but not for long.
13 They're amazing too because the stadia have utterly no smell. I thought about writing "Hotel California" on one, just because those ants could check out, but they could never leave.
14 Well, they could leave, and they could check out so I guess it doesn't work.
15 They just can't go too far.
16 Anyway, yesterday I had very little ant traffic, naturally, since I had four of these stadia.
17 That's Latin, I think. Something. I already used the term and said nothing, but it's important for you to know that I do know my Latin.
18 I wound up putting one stadium on my desk, right next to the phoneline. I waited around, but no ants arrived.
19 Then right before lunch, some little lunatic appeared and began running in every direction on my desk. I removed the ant bait from the telephone location and moved it right next to that trusting little fellow, just to see how he would react. For the record, the traps supposedly have food in them, but it gets them later on, like a good mystery.
20 As a scientific speciman, he was perfect. At first he ran frantically from one area to the other, but I would herd him with a pencil. But when he neared the stadium, he suddenly fell to his back and kicked his legs up, righted himself, and sat up on four legs, sniffing like a bloodhound.21 I thought about filming him so I dould get a huge contract from Raid, with residuals and all the rest, but decided against it.
22 The guy started sniffing the ground, and was completely like a dog on a walk. He sniffed, rooted, stood up, and finally made his way to the stadium.
23 He looked around like a kid trying to sneak into a baseball game, and when nobody was looking, darted through the gates and safely inside.
25 A part of me felt terrible, like I was some Nazi conducting experiments on insects.
26 People came in just then, and although I tried to be polite, I must confess that my eye was clearly focused on that stadium.
27 Would the little fellow come out or not?
28 After a tortuous wait, he emerged from the south end zone and scurried across the desk as though he was ready to party.
29 A large part of me was clenching my fist and screaming, "YEAH! YOU GO D0000D!"
30 I didn't leave too much time for celebrating, however, because I had to teach a class.
31 By the end of the day, I felt I was simply going through the motions, so it didn't much matter to me. I REALLY wanted to get back to the desk to see how the little guy was doing.
32 Well, the bell rang, the class departed, and I instantly returned to my desk to await the status of that poor little guy.
33 I looked around the area of the stadium and saw nothing.
34 I figured that the stuff was lousy and that he had escaped, like David Blaine.
35 I then looked in the other direction.
36 There was this crumbled little ball lying still.
37 I took my pencil and moved it around, not really sure as to what it was.
38 It may have been an eyelash, or perhaps a grain of loose dirt.
39 Another part of me thought nothing, that it was indeed a grain of loose dirt.
40 That's where it stands as of today.
41 They're probably going to bombard the building this weekend, but a part of me felt, well bad.
42 Ants is a challenge that needs force.
43 One ant is the story that in some way had meaning.
44 Somewhere, the entire episode became one of life's little lessons.
45 I got it, but I'm not so sure I liked it.
46 Well today's another day, and perhaps, another of life's endless incidental teachings.
47 You wonder why it continues to amaze me.
48 Live life, love life.
49 Peace.
~H~
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