September 4, 2008
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The Daily News1 Ah the trials and tribz of launching the DN on a daily basis.
2 Yesterday I was elated because I figured out how to crash through the firewall they've placed around our computer at work. I had the entire afternoon off and decided to knock off the DN on company time.
3 I first attempted to crash through the firewall using super powers bestowed upon me by a secret mole.
4 At around 11:55 a.m. yesterday I apparently had succeeded.
5 I cracked the code.
6 I spent the good part of yesterday afternoon goofing on the DN, and on Xanga, and on how somehow when all the rest of the world has gone limp, that Xanga still stood tall, and that I could penetrate, infiltrate, and advance without further interference.
7 I wrote all sorts of fun things about how freedom reins on the net, and how liberating it was to be able to bring the DN LIVE! to anyone and everyone. The DN was being broadcast by Radio Free Xanga, and was to be brought into your living room unedited and raw.
8 Oy.
9 Once I got home, I went to edit the DN only to find that two days in a row, the DN somehow never saved.
10 Yeesh.
11 Ah, vell.
12 Sometimes man, I tellya.
13 It's all good. Fortunately I caught a nice nap and was able to awaken and hop back in there to bring you all the joys of the DN.
14 I even had time to catch McClain's trophy-wife electrify the Repubz, and she even managed to catch my eye, at least for a stint.
15 Good job, mystery lady.
16 Of course immediately following the convention, Jerry Springer appeared on screen, almost as though he had been invited to the party, or worse, was a premiere guest, which wouldn't surprise me in the least.
17 It took me a few seconds before I realized that Spiringer was the host of some harmless piece of piffle called America's Got Talent.
18 Yeesh.
19 How that got attached at the end of the Repubz is anyone's guess, but it is essentially a glorified talent show, no different than the ones we hosted on an annual basis at the good ol' YB Theatre.
20 Anyone who spent any amount of time in our Theatre knows that there is endless talent out there, and that David Hasselhoof has no bizness judging a dog fight.
21 But it's all gravy.
22 It seemed to me that the same guys who packaged the conventions somehow managed to land this gig as well.
23 Hasselhoof is Captain Ridiculous, and Old Lady Osbourne, while having some nice things to say, makes absolutely no sense as a judge. She did successfully blow off a couple of German polka singers, but really, she's pretty useless as any sort of serious talent judge. Just look at her family.
24 Grandma Moses, or maybe even Morticia.
25 Whatever. She married into rock royalty for what it's worth, and is suddenly a talent judge. Go figure.
26 I did enjoy her blowing off the Germans. We also had a pretty accurate judge named Pierce Morgan, and one other, the absolutely useless David Hasselhoof,
a complete loser who needs to button up his shirt and realize that he has become nothing short of the white Rico Suave.
27 At least Springer owns up to being a schlep.
28 But Springer came to support this wonderful anomaly called Tappin' Dads, a group of fathers who tapped there way through Puttin' on the Ritz.
29 Following a brutal attack by head judge Pierce Morgan, and then a physical attack upon him by Old Lady Osbourne, and a schleppy cheerlead by Hasselhoof, Springer screamed, "On behalf of all the dads out there, we spend our entire lives dancing every single day." I paraphrase, naturally, but they were words to that effect.
30 Ah, ya gotta love the glitz, and ya gotta love the Ritz.
31 And finally, some guy named Eli brought down the house in the end.
32 He had sung Your Song last week, which completes yet another trifecta of coincidences that happened over the past few days.
33 On my first DN for today (keep in mind that the first one I wrote never saved), I had mentioned the word "Voila". I had actually written "Viola!" when I had cracked the firewall. I even mentioned that it was supposed to be pronounced "Wahlah"!
34 Immediately after writing that, I went to the Attendance Office, where the attendance girl printed my folders. When they came out of the machine, she turned to me and said, "Wahlah!" This was within a ten-minute span. I just smiled at yet another in a series of fun coincidences. Made me feel that all was well with the world.
35 The night before, I turned on the teevee in the middle of the night. I couldn't sleep so I had turned it on and Dr. Wayne Dyer (yeah he's gone mainstream), the guy who celebrates coincidences and synchronicity, as well as Carl Jung, was on, and at 4 a.m. had once again brought his daughter out to sing the song Vincent, a loving salute to Vincent Van Gogh, and particularly his painting, Starry Night.
36 Some coincidence. After and evening of that, I was hit with the "Wahlah" coincidence yesterday morning. I loved it.
37 Anyway I think that's about enough for one day. There's a lot here, and a lot to ponder.
38 I finally had to throw in the towel on the day, and the night. I spent most of my time trying to get this particular DN out there, and it appears I have succeeded, so I hope you have enjoyed this one. It took twice as long as most, but in the end, the fun still emerged, as well as the mystery.
39 Hope you all have an absolutely glorious day.
40 The day is gorgeous, the birds are chirping, and it's gonna be a rockin' Thursday. Meanwhile, I'm gonna get some sleep. I'll be sleeping while you're awake and reading all this. Hope it gives you a nice morning.
42 Anyway, see ya.
43 Peace.
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