September 4, 2008
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1 While McCain ran out and found some Alaskan sidekick, I think Barack was reading My Pet Goat.
2 In last night's acceptance speech, I thought McCain was going to start foaming at the mouth there for just a bit. Some goofballs kept shouting and acting idiotic, and it clearly interrupted his concentration. He looked like a guy who forgot his lines at times, and at times it was pretty easy to picture him practicing in his bathroom mirror.
3 As he got closer to the finish, however, he seemed to find his groove, and in the end, he even made a vague reference to some of the corruption that seems to have found its way into the White House.
4 In the end, his speech worked. Great job, kid!
5 Moving on: I'd like to apologize for some of the editing daemons that seem to have haunted the DN the past couple of nights. For one thing, I spelled trifecta with a "v", and ran a few other sentences directly into mountains. I have since corrected them on the website version of the DN. I always try to edit out as much idiocy as possible. But there's an idiotic side to me that is just going to have to live on long after I've departed this planet. I like having a bit of a schleppy side anyway.
6 No excuses, although two nights in a row the DN didn't save, even though I know I pushed all the right save buttons. So the past two efforts were quickly assembled and not the originals, which are probably gracefully scraping the edge of the Universe by about now.
7 Ah, it's all gravy.
8 Moving on, Part 2: I don't know about you, but I stop thinking green the second the temperature hits triple digits. September is traditionally one of the hottest times in the South Bay, so you'd think I'd be used to it by now.
9 But I find myself hanging out anywhere there might be air-conditioning, and I tend to leave mine blasting even when we aren't supposed to. I always feel guilty, but I still admit that I do that.
10 I feel that I am personally the cause of global warming, and I have horrid nightmares of Gargoyles with Al Gore's face popping off the sides of buildings and attacking me.
11 Of course, that's when I'm not sitting up all night fighting insomnia, which still happens.
12 Especially when the temps start hitting those triples.
13 If the air conditioning ever breaks, I'm liable to take hostages, no questions asked.
14 Moving backwards: Maybe Mccain's worst moment was when Paris Hilton referred to him as "that white-haired dude".
15 Paris, incidentally, has thrown her panties into the ring. She has announced that she's running for President, for many reasons, but mainly because "I'm hot." One of her first moves as Chief Executive will be to paint the White House pink.
16 So that makes three rings going on in this Circus.
17 I wish I could sell some Cracker Jacks and cotton candy at that one.
18 So it's becoming quite a race, perhaps our first HUGE tabloid election ever.
19 I was in Save Mart the other day, and the girl who had told me to "push the green buh-in" had this conversation with a co-worker. I kid you not:
Girl: Hey. Who you goeeen for?
Checker Dude: In what?
Girl: The election. I'm goeeen for Obama.
Checker Dude: OHHH! I'm goeeen for Clinton.
Girls: He's not even runneeen, foo.
Checker Dude: Oh my bad.
20 You get the idea.
21 Three rings, hands down.
22 Ya gotta love it.
23 America has finally arrived.
24 We seem to have lost all sense of anything.
25 Well, I guess it has thinking all beat to heck.
26 I've reached a point in life where I'm just too tired to think anymore anyway.
27 Perfect guy to have in front of a classroom reaching young minds.
28 Hey the Maytag Repair Man just walked out of a voting booth with a handful of Scan-Tron chads. Just now. On the Great American Teevee.
29 I wonder what the rest of the world is thinking?
30 Jerry Springer. Paris Hilton. Alaska Lady. Maytag Repair Man.
31 I can't hardly wait.
32 Well, stay tuned everybody.
33 Get your tickets early, because this is going to be the Greatest Show on Earth.
34 See you at the snack bar.
35 Peace.
~H~
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