August 27, 2008
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UU
1 Hillary gave a king-hell great speech lahst night.
2 Raise a glass to the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits.
3 Nice of her finally to join the party.
4 So thanks, Sweetcheeks for all the support.
5 I’m lovin’ it.
6 Moving on: Well I’m already in a tizzy.
7 Lahst night I wrote the DN, put it all together in a nice neat package, and then sent it out with the tidings of the season.
8 AOL instantly didn’t do anything but spin a little circle from 12:30 to around 1 a.m. and I finally had to open another window, copy and send it out that way.
9 It messed up all my lovely spacing, so you got the lousily-spaced DN, even though I had primmed and propered it for the morning eyes. It looked utterly beautiful, but for whatever reason AOL messed with the finished product.
10 All apologies.
11 I’m sure it made many of you wish to leap out of a window.
12 Haha, ah, whatevuh.
13 So it’s actually the night before lahst night once more, because I really just mailed it around ten minutes ago, even though it’s Wednesday morning in real time.
14 Well, Xanga has been a bit wonky as well. My little whatever-you-call it cursor thingy jumps all over the page for some reason.
15 New computer.
16 I LOVE the thing bc it’s so quick and new, but for some reason, every time you get a new computer it decides to take on a personality all its own.
17 Like my screen had this hole in it last night, like some bright pinhole into an alternate universe.
18 Freaked me out at first.
19 It was right around where the word “where” just appeared in this sentence, and it was a little bigger than a pinhole.
20 Some laser light shot through it. For a second I thought it was shooting a hole in my pupil, but when I got all flustered about the un-primming and propering of my first DN it disappeared, like it was worried I might throw the lamp through it, which I just about did.
21 Nah, I’ve mellowed.
22 If I were ACTUALLY to throw anything I’d have thrown a Mensa book through my teevee screen when Tommy Lee came on Kimmel.
23 Why’s that guy famous?
24 That always KILLS me. People who appear on those shows and are somehow famous for being stoners.
25 Huh?
26 One fun theme you’ll see repeating this year will be how crotchety I’ve become as I move into senility.
22 I get especially irritated at people who do things that I USED to do.
23 Plus right now some man is speaking and a woman is signing to his voice. Right now as I watch Comics Unleashed.
24 Believe me, at 1:30 in the morning on the night before the first day of school, you don’t need Satanic commercials and Tommy Lee.
25 A man’s voiceover should never be used when a woman is on the screen. It’s just too weird. Plus some fat stoner guy wearing a shirt with a target just started humping a dresser. Just now. I swear to you. He looks like a bad version of Buddy Hacket or a good version of Faye Dunnaway.
26 Moving on: I’ve resumed my diet from last year, the one with the points. It works somewhat like this: I starve all day on yogurt and boushit and then have a plate of food consisting of a main dish the size of a handful of dirt, and a huge salad.
27 No wonder I wanna throw a brick at Tommy Lee.
28 Whew.
29 I’m calming down now. I have to. It’s STILL the same night as yesterday’s un-primmed and un-propered DN.
30 It’s much better if you just hit the xanga site sometimes. In fact, if you hit that, you’ll see yesterday’s DN as it was supposed to be delivered.
31 Sort of like the REAL opening night instead of the dress rehearsal.
32 afjdkjfdsjfdfjdfjdf;dfda;jajf;
33 Ever do that? You just hit anything because you’re sorta thinking.
34 I’m gonna hit the hay. That Buddy Hacket guy was just asked about why he lives alone. I’m guessin’ it’s not by choice. Foo hasn’t been quiet since I started writing this.
35 I think Immina have a pickle and a handful of Parmesan.
36 2 points.
37 Oy.
38 Meanwhile, you go ahead and enjoy your orange juice and fruit, or coffee and bagels. I gotta go in and enlighten young minds. The sun is coming up and it’s gonna be a heater today so keep cool and love life.
39 I still do.
40 Word of honor.
41 Peace.
~H~
