June 10, 2008
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1 So yesterday I broke my all-time record for almost being killed.
2 I SWEAR to you.
3 THREE times I was facing traffic from across a light. I was going to go straight.
4 THREE times a guy going left from across the way jumped in front of me and almost killed me.
5 The second two were the same light. It turned green and I proceeded straight and TWO cars zipped right through and turned right in front of me. One guy was laughing.
6 I just put my arms WAY out to the side of the wheel with a huge WTF? on my face and a heart pounding at the quarter inch difference that allowed those guys to go home safely.
7 No wonder I've become so crotchety.
8 After the first one, I went to Save Mart to buy some stuff.
9 I would swear to you that there were the same two wimminz in every aisle.
10 You know when you want to go down an aisle and a pair of lunkheads have their carts criss-crossed so you can't even go down the aisle?
11 That happened in around four aisles, right after the first moron had almost killed me.
12 I tried to remain positive, but come on.
13 I got irritated by everybody in the store: the people who worked at the place blocking the back by having a three-way conversation that was clearly store gossip.
14 Don't get me wrong, nobody at Save Mart was doing anything really bad, it was just in the context of everything else that I had to squeeze by those three to get to my purchases.
15 I went in for some cat food and toilet paper.
16 I wanted to get my stuff so I could get home, cook, write the DN, and grade papers.
17 But I was rattled!
18 So I overbought. I bought this package of 2-ply Charmin that stood up to my chin.
19 I bought a 24-pack of cat food, which costs around $17 a can.
20 They had a couple of specials on a few things, so I grabbed them and got to the front.
21 There was only one woman in line. She had three kids in tow, one of whom was screaming something that looked like this: "ARFGMNJQWUXZ!!!!!!!"
22 Instead of just ignoring the request, she stood in front of me trying to translate this gibberish, coming out of the mouth of a kid who was just a little over a year old maybe.
23 Someone came up behind me with one item and I just offered him the stank eye.
24 The lady in front of me with the three kids kept asking the kid what he wanted.
25 "ARFGMNJQWUXZ!!!!!! ARFGMNJQWUXZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!" and the kid suddenly turned all red and began screaming and pointing desperately at something over my left ear.
26 She then took forever to get her money out. A check. Oy.
27 I started goofing on all the other people walking by, glancing in their baskets to see what the heck they are eating. I sorta always do that. I like to see who'se eating healthy and who's eating like me!
28 Anyway, I finally slid up to the cashier, who talked as though she had rocks in her mouth.
29 I just sort of nodded and smiled, slid my card and then she mumbled something else.
30 "I'm sorry I didn't hear you?"
31 She got louder.
32 "ARFGMNJQWUXZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!"
33 "Ohhhhh! Um...no it's okay."
34 "Push the green buh-in."
35 So I pushed the green buh-in.
36 I okayed over $75 in impulse buys, when the original trip was for cat food and toilet paper.
37 Yeesh.
38 And THEN, on the way home, those two morons almost torpedoed me.
39 Anyway, I got over it pretty quickly, but just couldn't understand why I was so crotchety.
40 So I sat down, wrote the DN, reminded myself that the Giants won, and re-focused off those THREE people who tried to gun me down last night.
41 I got Zen, which nowadays means I napped and felt invigorated afterwards.
42 Sometimes when things go wrong, we just need to find the good. Stupid stuff happens all the time. Babies are allowed to be babies. All people aren't articulate. Bad drivers are bad drivers.
43 And I still believe that all people are basically good. We're all just examining things in the context of other things that are going on.
44 We all exist in our own worlds, and often our worlds collide with others' worlds.
45 Somewhere I guess a point was made today.
46 Go enjoy your day and make someone smile.
47 ; ) <-------------sideways winky guy
48 Peace.
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