May 9, 2008
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b
1 Man, have you ever just gone through a crochety stage?
2 Maybe it's just the lusty month of May, or some other thing, but I've been walking around ready to chop someone's head off for about a week.
3 G-r-r-r-r-r-r!
4 No reason.
5 One morning you just wake up and everything and everyone irritates you.
6 Then it occurs to you that this is YOUR problem, not theirs.
7 And that gets you even madder!
8 I can't really explain it.
9 Just happens.
10 Sort of like being unable to explain what makes a knucklehead a knucklehead.
11 Some things are just mysterious.
12 I get really upset when normal things happen
13 LIke things that you automatically know will happen, just from basic human experience.
14 Certain things will always happen and just shouldn't make get you upset.
15 For example, given a hose, it WILL get caught on something the second you try to move it any distance, long or short. Ooops! Knocked over the rose bush.
16 Likewise IPod! headphones. They will catch something and knock them over right in the middle of a good tune.
17 A pot you don't watch will always boil. Over.
18 If you work in a store, the second you take a bite off a sandwich a customer will appear.
19 Got to Denny's and order a grilled cheese sandwich. The second you take a bite of piping hot cheese, the waitress will come by and ask how everything is.
20 An envelope cut on your finger will be hit at least twenty times throughout the day.
21 Wash a car. It will rain. Wash a car again. A bird will poop on it. Wash it a third time. You'll be out of soap.
22 Glasses smudge.
23 No line in the supermarket. You forget to buy milk. You come back. Fifteen's a crowd.
24 You have twelve items. Some lady walks up behind you and has a loaf of bread. She will let you know she's there. She'll have three shadows and arms appearing in each of your eyes even though she's behind you.
25 You'll deliberately NOT let her go ahead of you, just so you feel swell about yourself.
26 Some days, depending on your own mood, you will let her go ahead of you.
27 It's a roll of the dice.
28 Someone who is sensationally rude to you will always get you angry, even though in most cases they are angry about something else and taking it out on you. You know this, but you still get upset.
29 It's time to turn this all around.
30 When the hose catches on something, you're in a silent movie. Make a meek adjustment and it wil get worse. You're in a Chaplin film.
31 So the IPOD! knocks something over. Get Brawny. The lady who works at our Target was so excited that Brawny was on sale that I thought she was going to break into Julie Andrews' songs.
32 When the pot boils over the burners, pretend you're in small cottage in a Disney movie and that it's a bubbling cauldron that makes you laugh.
33 If a customer comes up after you've taken a bite of a sandwich, just say, "Wanna know what I'm eatin'?" And then open your mouth wide and let 'em have a look.
34 Take the extra minute it takes to put a Band-Aid on an envelope cut.
35 You get the idea.
36 Turn around and say, "You only have loaf of bread. Would you like to go ahead of me?"
37 They'll always thank you. And then they'll argue about the price and demand that a manager come down and straighten things out.
38 Just throw out a smile, because it will ALWAYS happen.
39 Have a laugh today.
40 And always figure, somebody up there loves you.
41 Peace.
~H~
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