April 21, 2008
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"If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be."
--Yogi Berra
1 Ain't it the Truth.
2 I find myself trying to cover up all the stupid things I do on a daily basis.
3 Like this: in the middle of the year, the seat belt on the TOOOOOONDRA driver's side decided to curl in ways that things can't possibly curl.
4 It did red twist swirls and now it's so jacked up that I have to pull it over my left shoulder just to fool cops.
5 I'm not the least bit concerned about safety, mind you, just looks.
6 Last week I went off to Camp Everytown for a few days and I knew people would still be able to go into my office. Since my filing system consists of knowing which area of my desk I put things, I just jam everything into a box and bring my entire office home so it will LOOK organized at work.
7 Even at Camp I tried to put all my clothes into a rolling backpack just to prove to everyone that you could pack light.
8 I did a GREAT job, believe it or not.
9 What I can't do, even if someone held a gun to my head, is to roll a sleeping bag.
10 But I got slick when we were leaving. I had all my dirty clothes in a plastic bag, and a towel and my toothbrush stuff and decided to roll ALL of that inside the sleeping bag so as to keep my rolling backback small.
11 ...and it worked!
12 That is, until the bus arrived, at which point all that stuff started falling on to the pine needles like a leaky burrito.
13 Fortunately I acted like I had to go back to the dining hall to get some paperwork, so nobody saw it. I undid the knot on the sleeping bag and somehow stuffed everything in and whooped out a bungee cord, which made it bowtie.
14 Everyone else was already on the bus, so I just jammed it all into the smaller bus and hopped aboard like I had everything totally together.
15 I swear nothing else horrible happened, but it's just the idea that on a daily basis we're always doing things to keep others from discovering how ridiculous we really are at ordinary things.
16 Notice I've adopted the holy "We".
17 Yesterday I went into the restroom, just to get away from it all. My glasses decided to leap into the toilet. I stared in utter horror, but my first thought was that I had to save the glasses, so I put the toilet brush on top of the glasses to hold them down. I was more worried about the next guy coming in than ever wearing those things again.
18 Anyway, after doing a classic take, I planted the brush on the glasses and pulled the handle.
19 Water started shooting all over the room as my glasses zoomed down the drain at a wretched speed.
20 And then, just as suddenly, it was quiet.
21 Charlie Chaplin standing.
22 I had to notify the custodian, because as I said, I was concerned about the next guy who would come in.
23 I offered to snake it out.
24 He said, "Dude, by now your glasses are in Alviso man!"
25 We had a hearty laugh.
26 Later in the day he paged me on the walkie.
27 "Uh...yeah, did you ever check on that delivery to Alviso?"
28 And that was my morning.
29 I turned to the great Yogi Berra to somehow explain all that.
30 Well, I hope you mustered at least a chuckle on this one.
31 Have a perfect day. Challenge perfection.
32 Peace.
~H~
http://www.xanga.com/bharrington
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