March 12, 2008
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The Daily News
1 Has anyone seen the Wendy's commercial where Wendy suddenly comes alive and starts wolfing down a bacon burger?
2 Creeeeepy.
3 Like I don't think it's bad or anything, it's just that Wendy is not supposed to animate suddenly.
4 It's sort of like finding a finger in your chile.
5 Oh, all right, all right!
6 This was not intended to disparage their fine products.
7 In fact, Wendy's gave away free ice cream a couple of years ago, even though it wasn't their finger, and was completely the work of someone unrelated to Wendy's.
8 They do own the animation though.
9 And then some girl started talkiing and I was WAY afraid they were going to give Wendy a voice.
10 I don't know that I could deal with that one.
11 Moving on: Are kids smoking a drug called salvia all of a sudden? First I've heard of it. Evidently people are buying it like crazy online before it becomes illegal.
12 Here's your big chance, America!
13 For whatever reason, everybody has to get themselves somehow into altered states in order to get through the day.
14 Gettin' high.
15 Ya can't beat it.
16 The new marijuana.
17 Supposed to taste horrible and last about twelve seconds.
18 Gettin' high.
19 What's wrong with the old marijuana?
20 M'bad.
21 It helped me experience senility at a very young age.
22 Now I'm just silly and giddy all the time.
23 The new marijuana. Fancy that. Salvia.
24 I swear.
25 Why would you even name it that?
27 At some point I'm thinking that people might try a normal state. A good night's sleep. A balanced diet. Exercise. All the things I don't do.
28 I guess as you move through life you come to realize that putting all that crapola into your body is going to give you terrible health, bad teeth, bedsores, and hemorrhoids.
29 Pretty romantic, huh?
30 And it isn't like you don't get all sorts of warnings. If each morning after a night before you awaken and the image in your mirror looks back at you like a bad bank loan, it might be time to slow it down, partner.
31 Waking up with iodine mouth and the beer stinks isn't doing much for your love life either. That stuff comes outta your pores, ya lug. And you just get more outta shape and tuckered.
32 Yeesh. I'm not trying to be preachy, I swear to you. It's just that I really like knowing when I awaken that the day can get better and better. It's pretty nice to live life and to love life without the latest thing that could make you high.
33 I honestly think the guys in charge WANT everybody in a zombied state. Keeps everyone at bay and hopelessly unmotivated. I'm thoroughly convinced. Six billion people will be doing salvia or whatever within the next year. I won't be one of 'em.
34 Well, I think I'm gonna go to Wendy's and celebrate the day with a Frosty. I'll even pay for it. Meanwhile, take care of your health.
35 Have a good one.
36 Peace, yo.
~H~
http://www.xanga.com/bharrington
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