The Daily News
1 All right, all right. So the word "Daily" in the Daily News is a misnomer.
2 The two weeks going into this Winter Break made up for all of that.
3 I kept getting home really late at night. By the time I got home, Lindsay Lohan had already put her clothes back on.
4 I jumped up to Tahoe for a few days.
5 And somewhere in the middle of all of that stuff I threw another Xanga out there.
6 SO fun!
7 The fun thing about having a little time off was that it gave my marbles a chance to align.
8 My eyes had become Crazy Eyes, just like the teevee show.
9 That's supposed to be something that affects females only, but lemme tellya.
10 I had hit a stride in which I had overbooked my entire universe.
11 Anyway, I had the Crazy Eyes and that little break came none too soon. I think I got my heart back, and not a moment too soon.
12 Moving on: The other night the internet kept going out, so now I'm concerned about being able to get the DN out there. I started this one a few nights ago and then couldn't get back online.
13 In my business, I LIVE on the internet. It felt strange not having info at my fingertips.
14 Like the other day some radio show reported that all apples and oysters are cloned. The guy was all matter-of-fact about it and I wanted to find out a little more.
15 But with the internet out, I went into the shakes.
16 I couldn't find out the info I needed to share with you.
17 As far as I know, oysters and apples are not cloned, but I thought I'd go to the grocery store yesterday to find out.
18 Well, since I was so ADD, I walked in not really knowing who to ask about cloned food, when I wandered into the pancake aisle, where I met up with Mrs. Butterworth.
19 Oooooh! Shiny...
20 Next thing I know I'm loading up my cart with fictitious wimminz: Mrs. Butterworth, Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Fields, Marie Calender, you get the drift.
21 I looked into my basket and decided it had too much unhealthy stuff. I usually check out how unhealthy the guy in front of me is, so I put all that stuff back and got fresh cold fruit, orange juice, egg beaters, bananas, strawberries, and some packages of turkey fillets that normally go for like about $100 a pound, but that were marked down for a quick sale.
22 I put all the wimminz back because of their caloric content. I was deathly worried about what the beat-red clerk would think about my eating habits.
23 The guy in front of me had a half case of Newcastle. This was at like eight in the morning. He looked like a chimney sweep from Mary Poppins. I kept goofing on him turning around and saying, "G'day gov'nuh. Owigh see yer atin' 'ealthy. Ahm gonna 'ave me a few pauprz and thayn ah maht join yerz, ah maht!"
24 Step in time, step in time, step in time, step in time, never have a reason never have a rhyme step in time, step in time...
25 Ya gotta love being ADD. I went through the line sans the wimminz and felt MIGHTY proud that I was getting all that healthy stuff, AND that whoever was in line knew it, snoopy bastard.
26 I goof on what other people are thinking of my purchases all the time. I also judge what the guy in front of me is getting. I don't often goof on what the guy behind me is getting unless he's some guy who has one thing and I have around six million things, five million of which are usually impulse buys like Jughead comics, and horoscope scrolls, for example. I'll usually let the guy go ahead, unless he's an obvious impatient prick.
27 Ah, anyway, where was I?
28 Oh yeah, ADD. I've been a lifelong addict.
29 Ooooh.
30 Shiny.
31 Good to be back.
32 It's Monday, fly low.
33 And smile.
34 Peace.
~H~
6 SO fun!
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