November 20, 2007
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The Daily News 
Dick Wilson as Mr. Whipple, about to squeeze
some Charmin of his own.1 So…Dick Wilson walks into a bar…
2 Wilson was most famous for playing Mr. Whipple, the crotchety old man who used to shoo women away for squeezing the Charmin.
3 Come to think of it, Wilson was ONLY famous for playing Mr. Whipple, the crotchety old man who used to shoo women away for squeezing the Charmin.
4 He also played drunk guys on Bewitched, and a million parts with guys named Al, and Charlie, and he once even played a guy named Beaver Louie in Sergeant Preston of the Yukon.
5 To the layman, though, he’ll always be remembered as Mr. Whipple…
6 …who was a strange character anyway, because those of you who recall those commercials which ran for around nine-hundred years, Mr. Whipple would always take a little squeeze when nobody was looking, making him one of the most luridly strange characters in the history of teevee.
7 He appeared as Mr. Whipple in over 500 commercials, so many that Charmin gave the guy a free lifetime supply of Charmin.
8 Probably went broke doing it too. He lived to be 91.
9 And here’s a little trivia: Do you know what Dick Wilson’s REAL name was?
10 <Double buzzer> Time’s up. Ricardo DiGuglielmo, and he was born in 1916.
11 Some of you knew that.
12 Where would we be without Wikipedia folks?
13 They acually had a LIST of every part the guy ever played.
14 That’s how I found out about Beaver Louie.
15 Ah, life’s good in the ots.
16 Just what DO we call nowadays? There were the twenties, the thirties, the forties, and all the famous “decades” of the previous century, but what was the name of the period from 1900 to 1910?
17 And what WILL the new twenties be called?
18 They’re comin’ right up y’all.
19 Know who first asked me that? Randy Ritchie of O.J.’s fame.
20 Good question. Good waiter. He’s the guy who does the birthday raps, and then tears off his coat to reveal no sleeves on his shirt, all the way up.
21 Have ya been to the new O.J.’s, by the way? I gives it a thumbs up. All change is pretty weird, but O.J.’s seemed to manage.
22 Anyway, it’s Tuesday of Thanksgiving week.
23 Oh, oh what I want to know is where does the time go?
24 Well, time to fly outta here.
25 Been fun.
26 And thanks Dick, for teaching us to treat our buns to a product that is clearly squeezably soft. You’ve saved a lot of us from getting monkey rash.
27 I always thought they should make a Shakespearean toilet paper with Romeo and Juliet on the cover and call it Butt Soft…
28 Okay it’s Tuesday so I could get away with stuff like that, because Tuesdays don’t count unless they are your birthday.
29 So you have a sqeezably soft day, and let’s give a little wink to the late Mr. Whipple for providing a few chuckles on a Tuesday afternoon.
30 Good night Mr. Whipple, wherever you are.
31 And you all have a fun day today, willya?
32 Peace.
~H~
http://www.xanga.com/bharrington
